Wouldn’t it be inspiring to step out from under the wedding canopy and announce to all the singles with the bittersweet smiles: “Fear not, my friends! Here I stand lawfully wedded despite wearing hoodie sweatshirts to Touro and ponytails to weddings!” What a source of chizuk that would be… assuming none of them mutter something like “So that’s why it took you this long.”
The Bad for Shidduchim Club is not my idea. I’d love to give credit where it’s due, but for obvious reasons, will refrain from doing so. Suffice it to say that a happily married woman told me about it, inspiring me for life.
Mrs. Married told me that she and many of her friends remained Miss Singles for an “unusually” long amount of time. At the venerable old age of 26 they were still unpaired, like socks out of the dryer. And they were thoroughly sick of it. “It” being everything shidduch dating, but mostly the ridiculous restraints and pressures put on them. So they started the Bad for Shidduchim Club.
Really it was more of an ongoing points contest. Actions that are considered “bad for shidduchim” were all assigned point values. For example, going to college in a ponytail would be worth 10 points, while rolling out of bed and not even touching one’s hair the entire day might be worth 90 for curlyheads and 70 for straight-haired participants. The purpose is to accumulate as many points as possible. Meeting a benchmark figure entitles you to an ice cream or pizza courtesy of the other club members, which you eat while giggling and telling stories about how people reacted to your scandalous behavior.
Some people know how to live.
So, using a point scale of increments by 10 running from 10 to 100, here are some ideas:
10 – ponytail all day
20 – long skirt all day (must leave house and pass through major Jewish center at some point)
30 – wear crocs or hiking boots for a day of shopping
30 – long skirt combined with hoodie sweatshirt and sneakers in Touro, Machon L’Parnassa, or somewhere similar
30 – send your mother shopping with one of those old-lady shopping carts
40 – wear a denim skirt and white tube socks on 13th Avenue
40 – rollerblade down a major avenue
50 – go jogging, in broad daylight, through a Jewish neighborhood
50 – attend a vort or wedding in regular Shobbos clothing
50 – not offering to “help” when spending Shobbos in a house that has 4 teenaged girls jostling for room in the kitchen
50 – dress up in a full costume on Purim
60 – get your picture in the newspaper
60 – loudly ask for some hard liquor at the bar at a simcha
60 – hitchhike around town
70 – meet your male cousin on a busy avenue and stand conversing on the street corner for 5 minutes. An additional 10 points for every additional two minutes you chat.
70 – tell people that you’re “going for” something unusual, like philosophy or astrophysics
70 – attend a wedding without makeup
80 – publish a novel under your real name
80 – ponytail to a wedding
80 – take up fencing at a local Renaissance Faire
90 – no touching your hair day
90 – appear to smoke a cigarette on a street corner/drink from a can in a paper bag
100 – appear on your own float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade, throwing out copies of your ‘resume’ like confetti
TBA – Any utterly shocking behavior – like grabbing a handle in the back of and riding a truck down Coney Island Avenue, dashing into a wedding wearing your work clothes “just to say mazal tov”, dancing in a thunderstorm, running around and around in a revolving door, wearing a towel on International Towel Day, or holding a shopping-cart race in Target will need to be assigned point-value by vote.
Obviously I’m missing quite a number of actions. Feel free to contribute below.
Awards will be given at levels of 200, meaning after earning 200 points, a person gets their first award, and after another 200, they get another prize.
Anyone want to form a chapter and start earning points immediately?