Reason to Marry #11

Cooking for one is just not worth it.

Where Do You Want To Go?

Some guys have asked questions under the last post.
Question 1: Where do girls like to go on dates?
Question 2: Where do girls want to go that guys don’t take them?

I don’t really think there’s an answer to this, but hey, it’s worth a shot.

It’s a lot easier to think of places not to go. For example, places with a high noise volume, or where talking is discouraged (arcades/movies) make it a drop difficult to date. Places where there’s nothing to fall back on if the conversation lags (most – but not all – lounges and lobbies). Places where one’s dress is totally inappropriate (unless warned, assume first date is formal). Places where one can’t perform the main activity (check cholov yisroel status before planning for Starbucks).

When asking a girl where she’d like to go, don’t offer her two options with wildly different price tags (walk in the park, or Prime Grill?). Don’t ask an open-ended question (where would you like to go?). You probably shouldn’t assume a particular interest (Barnes and Noble or the 5th Avenue Library? Baseball game or the Football Hall of Fame [to some of us, they're all the same]?) or taste (Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks?).

That’s about it I can think of. I like to see places around NYC that I’ve missed or haven’t seen in a while; thus a date at the aquarium struck me as a great idea (the guy seemed surprised I hadn’t been there multiple times already, though, so that’s not a certain winner, but then again, if he thought that, why’d he take me?), as did the Waldorf Astoria (a lot more interesting than the Hyatt or the Marriott, but again, not for everyone). In general, I prefer moving to sitting still, doing to watching.

But that’s just me. Let’s try it this way: guys and girls, what was the best dating venue you’ve ever been to? Please include your gender when posting.

Edit: I see I have this post way back when about where to take a date.

Wrong Reason to Date?

It’s not that I don’t find myself good company. I spent a long yesterday afternoon on my back in the grass contemplating trees, grass, life (purpose thereof), past, future, and clouds. I still think it’s pretty incredible that clouds are made of the same stuff that fills the bathroom after I shower, and even smells the same (Rain Fresh tm), and when it swirls it’s probably God blowing into the fog like I sometimes do. Having a whole world to play with is much more fun than having a 60-foot property line, I think. Sim World doesn’t let you blow at your clouds, does it? Ants fascinate me too. I love watching them bustle about in their tiny world, unaware of the big things going on around them. We’re kind of the same way. I could maunder along, but I’d bore you. My point is, I don’t bore myself.
So I’m saying I find myself pleasant company, but still, there are some things that are just better done with someone else – anyone else. Sightseeing is one of them. You can look at flowers, estates, antiquities, and such things on your own, but… it’s a drop lame. Admiring fauna, ostentatious mansions, and edifying antiquities are really only about a third of the experience. The rest is about hearing someone else’s impressions and witty remarks, and bouncing your own off an audience to see if they’re any good. In short,  it’s about sharing the experience with someone you (preferably) like.
So, when completely stranded over the summer surrounded by interesting places to go and things to see and nobody to see them with… maybe it pays to dig up a date?

Where to Find a Date: Case Studies

The guy was on the F riding home from yeshiva when he noticed a young lady. Perhaps “noticed” is an understatement. She exploded in his consciousness like a revelation: he knew she was the one for him.

So when she got off the train, he did the natural and expected thing – he immediately followed her. He also followed her out of the station, down the block, and all the way home. He did not, I am glad to report, follow her into her house. Instead, he hung around outside uncertainly for about an hour before screwing his courage to the sticking point and ringing her doorbell. He introduced himself and explained why he was there. If she did not react in the manner he expected, it was only because he had exceedingly unrealistic expectations. In truth, her reaction displayed intelligence and perspicacity. She closed the door in his face.

His reaction finally caught up with hers, and instead of ringing the bell or camping on her doorstep, he went home, tracked her down, and got himself redt to her.

They’ve been married 30 years.

Then there’s the one about the seminary Girl taking her first bus ride to Geula. She didn’t really understand what the driver was saying about kartis and kartisiya and all that stuff. Luckily, a Bochur recognized her distress, stepped in, and saved her. He got her the right ticket, explained the difference, and she gratefully—and somewhat embarrassedly—retired to the back of the bus.

Our Girl got off in Geula and headed to a sefarim store to buy some books. One of the sefarim she needed was on a top shelf and she couldn’t reach it. Suddenly, who should loom up behind her but her Bochur in shining armor, also buying sefarim, but happy to help her out by reaching up and… pulling the entire shelf down on their mutual heads.

Utterly embarrassed, the Girl fled the scene.

They’ve also been married 30 years and live in Monsey.

Then there were the unfortunate yeshiva Guy and seminary Girl stuck next to each other on a flight from Israel. They sat carefully gazing forward the entire flight, never making eye contact, and always behaving in the most decorous of manners. Both were no doubt relieved when the flight ended and their row dispersed to the luggage pickup, never to see each other again.

Except everyone’s luggage came out, went round and round, and soon only two people were left staring in dismay at the empty carousel. Guy and Girl. Carefully avoiding each other’s gazes, they made their individual ways to the claims counter, a careful few feet apart. Girl waited patiently behind Guy as he explained that his luggage was no-show. Then she stepped forward and explained that her luggage was also AWOL. The guy behind the counter looked at her in confusion. “Aren’t you two together?” he asked. Guy looked at Girl; Girl looked at Guy. They burst out laughing.

They’re also married.

While I was warming a Friend’s couch this past Shobbos afternoon, Friend’s parents arrived home from a social gathering in which someone had told the following story about a general acquaintance: A Young Man took the train to work every day, and on this trip he frequently found himself in the same subway car as two eligible young ladies, also on their way to work. After overhearing their conversations and noting their bearings and behavior, he concluded that they were charming and wonderful and just the right sort of girls for him and his Best Buddy.

Young Man dialed Best Buddy and said, “There are these two great girls I see on the train every morning. I think they’re perfect for us. I’ll take the Pretty One, and you can have the Other.” Well, he fenangled the dates somehow. Young Man and the Pretty One didn’t quite hit it off, but Best Buddy and the Other went smashing well.

They’re married.

Moral of the story, according to Friend’s parents? “You need to ride subways more,” they reproved her.

Question of the Week

A Mother, asking someone about her friend:

“Will she be a bad influence on my daughters?”

The son in question was a bit more centrist than his right-leaning family, and Mother is clearly concerned about the sort of women he might date.

Friend’s Answer: About as much as your son is, so it’s in your best interest to get him married off ASAP so you can ban the couple from the house.

What NEF am I Up To?

Cuz there’s another. I think she might be 12…

Mazal tov!

Shidduch Resume Outdated?

Frum N’ Flipping on the shidduch DVD, a way to learn more than you really wanted to about someone from the comfort of your living room.

The one distinct advantage I see is to the references. By taping an interview during which they discuss the potential in question, you save them an awful lot of phone calls.

The disadvantage at this point is the cost of a DVD. But why DVD? Just upload the videos to a protected webpage or non-public YouTube account, and provide the access password to interested people.

Off Topic

If you haven’t done so yet, trot along to the Jewish Economics Survey and add your data to the growing list. If you have done so yet, why not trot along to the presentation of the results?

Have I Seen You Before?

I was describing a potential match to a Friend who, after my description, frowned and asked, “What’s his name? He sounds so familiar, maybe I went out with him already.”
I had to laugh. I mean, despite her tender years, Friend has managed to date upward of 35 gentlemen. They were bound to start running together at some point, no?
I’ve dated half that amount, and already I’ve gone out with guys who sound like total clones of each other.
There were the four guys who were so clever they had already finished their actuarial/CPA (nobody seemed to know the difference or which was which) exams but were sitting and learning in the mean time. And of course they were all described as brilliant, nice, fun, learned, a tad on the quiet side, and (with one exception) black hat. They were not, in fact, one guy, but even so, nearly all of them had only gotten their degrees/taken the tests to get their parents off their backs, and had no intention of crunching numbers for a living. They were more inclined toward becoming rabbeim.
Then there were the three guys finishing medical school and learning part time. All, naturally, described as brilliant, nice, fun, learned, a tad on the quiet side, solid learner-earner material, and with a sense of humor to boot. One of them turned out not to be in medical school (his relatives didn’t know the difference between an MD and an MS), and the other two were only redt, we never went out; apparently I don’t appeal to real doctors.
Then there were three engineers who, oddly enough, were all working or intending to work at the same company. They were all described as brilliant, nice, fun, learned, a tad on the quiet side, a tiny bit nerdy but oh-so-brilliant. These three were also not the same guy, so when the last one gets hired, I’ll be able to say I’ve dated three employees of a prestigious organization.
There were also a couple of psychological types and a few perpetual learners and smattering of career goals that fall into “other.” Thank goodness for variety. But one day I’d like to date someone completely different – maybe a park ranger who is of average intelligence, occasionally rude, not overly educated, and sometimes pleasantly boring. Just one, though. Don’t redt me to all his clones.