So, ProfK posts describing the good ol’ days of shidduchim in which men and women just… met.
I’ve heard about those good ol’ days, but everyone in my immediate family back a generation or two was set up by shadchanim, and missed the good ol’ days. And they weren’t living in Europe. So, please do me a favor and interrogate your parents and grandparents and find out if they lived through those good ol’ days too?
Edit: As ProfK has pointed out, it is important to define what a shadchan is. I’m not going to define it; rather, please explain what you mean if you say that your parents met via a shadchan. I will too, below. Also requested that you clarify, from ProfK:
“Another thing, did your parents/grandparents report to the shadchan after every date? Was the shadchan involved throughout until engagement and marriage resulted? Yet another question: if, after a date set up by this “shadchan,” either party did not want to continue, who told the other party? And perhaps a final question: Did either of your parents or both and either of your grandparents or both ever go out with someone that they had met through an informal occasion, such as the ones I described in my posting?”
My husband and I (we’re married 11 years now) were set up by my aunt who had a friend whose son had a friend over, my husband. After some research we did ourselves, my aunt gave him my number and we set up the date. We both reported back to her after the first date and then we were on our own.
My parents met at Grocingers, THE hotel in the mountains. They were both there with friends. My mom had some sort of slope-related accident that everyone knew about, so my father decided to go over and meet the girl it happened to.
My grandparents met in a DP camp in Germany after the war. I don’t think there was any shadchan involved, but I’m not sure.
Comment by staying afloat — June 22, 2009 @ 8:52 pm
Grandparents on mom’s side met either before or during WWII in the US, then worked together at an Air Force base (she cooked, he flew).
Grandparents on dad’s side knew each other while he was married to his first wife, who passed away very young. Though 13 years apart, they married.
Parents met through friends. My father left stuff at a (female) friend’s place, my mom was the one who was there to return it to him (the friend was away).
Serach and I met through a friend.
My sister and BIL met in Stern/YU – both worked on the wait staff for Shabbos. They were friends for a while before dating.
My brother was set up. Married first girl he dated.
Comment by Ezzie — June 22, 2009 @ 9:04 pm
Parents knew each other growing up. Grandparents- party (which the whole purpose of was to meet nice Jewish people)or knew each other. But Great-Gparents were the old Chassidishe- met once via shadchan and sit-in, and then were happily married.
Mr. NMF and I met through shadchan though.
Comment by NMF #7 — June 23, 2009 @ 9:35 am
My parents met at CUNY through a club my dad was involved in. They had a social event (mixed sexes), my dad saw my mom across the room and that was that. My in-laws parents met at one of the hotels in the mountains. They each went up there frequently with their respective parents, met and dated lots of people before finally finding each other. One set of my grandparents met after WW2 in Europe as they were each trying to make their way illegally to Israel. They were married a few weeks later right before making aliyah. My other grandparents were a shidduch with little to no dating. The story is unclear, but it seems like my grandmother’s family was overly concerned my grandmother would never meet anyone since she was so shy and quiet and therefore arranged a marriage. However, none of her other siblings went through that type of shidduch, they all just met people on their own. One set of my wife’s grandparents were just set up by friends of the family. The other set also met through family friends.
Comment by JS — June 23, 2009 @ 11:08 am
Oh, and as for me, I followed in my dad’s footsteps and met my wife through a club in college. Though we were friends for a while before we started dating.
Comment by JS — June 23, 2009 @ 11:11 am
Parents: set up by relative.
Grandparents, paternal: introduced in DP camp. Zaidy proposed a week later.
Grandparents, maternal: both from same hometown before war, both lost their first spouses. Set up against Bobby’s will, ending up married.
All of my siblings wed via shidduch date. Hey, just keeping up the family tradition.
Comment by Princess Lea — June 23, 2009 @ 11:18 am
Maternal Grandparents (in 1930’s): met while my then-teenaged grandmother was working as a waitress in a kosher hotel in NYC.
Paternal Grandparents (in 1940’s): set up by shadchan in DP camp. (He told my grandfather that the only bad thing about my grandmothe was that she was a businesswoman.)
Parents (1970’s): met in library at Touro College, where my mom was doing her workstudy job in the men’s division library. At the time, Touro did things like have mixers for students from the men’s and women’s divisions so that people would meet and marry. (Much has changed!)
Me (2000’s): set up by cousins, although no shadchan involvement beyond calling us after the first date. (He preferred it that way, although I usually did my own delivery of good/bad news.)
Comment by GilaB — June 23, 2009 @ 11:53 am
Parents: introduced by mutual friends (the wife was a college friend of my mother and her husband knew my father from yeshiva)(1970’s)
Maternal grandparents: I think a relative of my grandfather set them up. They went out 3 times and then got engaged. They had very little in common, other than they were both German immigrants living in NY (would never have been introduced to each other in Germany before the war), but they had a long and very happy marriage.(1940’s)
Paternal grandparents: My grandfather was either volunteering or substitute teaching in a Hebrew school where my grandmother worked as the secretary. He asked her out, they were married for a long time, but ended up divorcing after their children were grown.(1940’s)
Siblings: so far, introduced by shadchan (both were really flukey though, as the shadchan in each case hadn’t met my sibling or the person they set them up with, it was really just a ” nice guy/nice girl who seem to be the same age range” situation (within the last few years)
Comment by starr — June 23, 2009 @ 12:10 pm
I had to comment on this one.
My parents met thru a relative.
My grandparents met after the war when grandmother opened a kosher eatery for jews and my grandfather was studying in the same city and needed meals. It was love at first sight. And it took a bit of convincing on his part, since she was 5 years his senior!
My husband and I met thru an online shidduch system. It was so much better than going thru a shadchan. We clarified all important details before hand and were totally open with eachother. Only when we saw it had real potential, we took it over to a third party so the parents would be happy!
Comment by devonshire — June 23, 2009 @ 2:05 pm
My grandmother met my grandfather in a DP camp in Italy. My grandmother was very young 17 or 18 – he was 12 years her senior, and led the girls. A woman approached her, telling her that she was selected to marry this talmid chacham. My grandmother said she wasn’t ready, and was humbled by the suggestion. She asked her friends if they wanted the opportunity. They refused, saying that if the woman approached HER, it was for her.
Not sure how the courtship – whether there was one, even, but they were happily married until my grandfather passed away approx 30 years ago.
Comment by Michelle — June 24, 2009 @ 2:03 pm
Parents – (russia) Dad is standing on the street outside his girlfriend’s apartment waiting for her. Sees Mom walk down the street and the rest is history.
Grandparents – eloped shortly after meeting.
Comment by kat — June 24, 2009 @ 5:23 pm
Paternal grandparents (early 1940s): at a party thrown by the Bacteriology Society of City College (he was at City; she was at Hunter)
Maternal grandparents (late 1940s): set up by a relative or friend, I think (my grandfather said, “She told me that there was this great girl I had to meet, and that was that”)
Parents (1970s): met at Hillel (outside the Tri-State area), possibly doing Israeli folk-dancing (mixed, and yes, they were both considered and considered themselves to be Orthodox)
Brother: JDate
Me: Still waiting
Comment by Abacaxi Mamao — June 24, 2009 @ 5:49 pm
No one is sure how either set of my grandparents met (one in Europe, one in the U.S.) but they were aged 23-30 respectively, so clearly there wasn’t a modern day shidduch. Their siblings have more interesting stories, without the shadchanim. High school sweethearts in one case. My parents met at a Hillel event and dated for a few years until they finished their degrees.
Comment by shmilda — June 25, 2009 @ 10:18 pm