There is Another Option

Having decided that we were too nasty to ever get married, a friend and I spent some time planning our bitter old age. We’d be too crabby to share a house, but we’d buy adjacent property and put an alarm on the lawns so we could run out waving our canes and shouting at children who dare to disturb our grass. We’d keep multiple cats each, and spend long afternoons in rockers on our porches complaining about children, married people, anyone under the age of 50, bus drivers, Things These Days, anyone over the age of 50, all men, dogs, children, people who have children, the government, how we would do things better, children,  The Way Things Are Going and, of course, how much better things (and children) were Back When We Were Young.

It sounded nice and cozy, if not exactly optimal. We’d have each other between fights, and between making up we’d have our cats, and for entertainment there would be crosswords and children to scare and neighbors to call the police about.

But then I met a couple of gently aged spinsters. They were charming, well coiffed and immaculately turned  out,  knowledgeable about current events and technology, and amazingly… normal.

These were not women who hated the world. They didn’t complain once about anything. They didn’t have lawns, but even if they had, they didn’t strike me as the type to guard them like military property. But most of all, they didn’t have cats.

This opened new vistas to me. It is evidently possible to collect your AARP card while single and still not be a Crazy Cat Lady. This is like a whole new world of possibility! It makes me want to go out and do something that’s badforshidduchim.

Note: I haven’t yet met an old bachelor who breaks the stereotype of the nutty old man (then again, I haven’t either met one who conformed; which is to say, I’ve met nutty old men but didn’t know their marital statuses), but do let us know if you do.