Is It Possible to Find a Match Without a Matchmaker?!

Dear Abby from FlatbushHT to Poindexter and the Flatbush Jewish Journal.

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21 thoughts on “Is It Possible to Find a Match Without a Matchmaker?!

  1. Psshh…
    Mrs. Rose gave the right answer, though. :)
    But, silly question. The parents could just as easily have said that the matchmaker was someone who doesn’t want to be known, but that he is the best one out there . . . G-d. :P
    Besides, if the boy is really a good match for their daughter – who cares?
    Ultimately, everyone will forget about it – other peoples’ business is only interesting for a while. They will be wondering about the wedding, and after that, they will be staring at her stomach and wondering if she is pregnant. So, who cares what they think?
    “The people who care don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t care.” – SerandEz

  2. Also, if they were to “not allow the shidduch”, they risk one of two things:
    1) She will go off and marry him anyways, cutting her ties to the family.
    2) She will break it off, and probably never get married. If she does happen to marry, she will probably be miserable for the rest of her life.

    What parent wants either of those for their child? What are those parents thinking??

  3. Is it just me or does that letter seem totally fake?

    When i started brooklyn college, (after attending a Bais Yaakov all my life pretty much) my father instructed me to take at least one night class a semester and find a nice guy to bring home. He trusted the chinuch that he and my mother had given me.
    If this mother were more tolerant, she wouldn’t have been presented with a done deal. The lines of communication would have been open and she would have been privy to more info sooner, imo.

  4. In our 12th grade “Family Living” (Dating 101 – covering topics such as “how is finding a husband different than buying a pair of shoes), one girl asked “what if we meet someone we like in Brooklyn College?” And our principal recommended that you have your parents do whatever reconnaissance efforts that make them happy, then “flirt your brains out.”

  5. BS”D may I at this time remind all that finding a Shidduch does not require a shadchan… it requires that they meet somehow, somewhere, and sometime. .No matter how traditional or “olde fashionede” your parents may be, if you find your Bashert at the Supermarket at the strawberry fruit section and he/she finds something to chat about as to helping you pack the groceries and take them out to the car…. what one can see is that person acts in a pleasing manner and this is a trait that helps decide if he/she can continue to see each other.
    Many shidduchim were made through your brother whose learning partner is your future husband,. or your sister’s friend whose been frequently seen at the house. All that would be required is that there is a willingness to let the two of them make the next move. And if the two sets of parents are friendly they don’t have to spend money for a shadchan to introduce them to each other.

  6. Hahaha!! “We have a fabulous daughter in shidduchim…except that she is not in shidduchim anymore! And she seems to have gotten it into her head that she’s met someone! Help!”

  7. Shira … so she met someone… By all means extend an invite for a shabbos Friday night or Shabbos lunch to the young man …. and please remember that we are descendents of Avraham Avinu whose ways was of Hachnosos Orchim…

  8. The only objection that might be the result of sending your Child to say a mixed College is that he /she might find a person who is not “Jewish,” but assuming that the girl has been to Bais Yacov type schools and 1 year in an Israeli seminary, i don’t think she’d be looking for a man who is not “frum” to start with.
    By all means swallow a bissel Ga-avah [what will rabbi Shmiel say] and invite him to a Shabbos lunch or Friday night dinner.
    As others have said do let Hashem play a role in any shidduch instead of worrying about what Dr. Meyer’s wife will say when she meets the couple.

  9. Parents put the crisis in shidduchim (except my mother cuz she reads this blog, and I’m gonna need her to babysit when I go on vacation so I have to be nice)

  10. I’d like to add that on many Campuses there are places where Jewish students get together … a Hillel House, a Chabad House, a lunch and learn program, a place where leaders in Israel can come and speak to Jewish students about Israel etc. it is in such an environment that many Jewish students meet – not to mention Kosher eateries on Campus.
    And years ago, the goal was that they could say my son the “docteur”, My son the accountant, my son the lawyer, etc.

  11. Hey isn’t worrying about what Mrs.Finkelstein’s says or thinks like avak Lashon Horah – something to think about!

  12. MCP:

    And that’s why all children should be nice to their mothers. You never know when you may need us!

  13. The letter is so over the top that my daughter is convinced that it is not genuine. She is sure it was written by a troll. I do believe that letter is real, but I see why she thinks so. Utterly absurd.

  14. So are all the original posters … or maybe the very title of the blog is designed to create controversy. .. a whining mother who’s so tied up to her apron strings that she believes there is only one way to meet a shidduch – through a shadchan – and she is a middle aged woman with a tichel on on her hair when she goes shopping in Boro Park – and is concerned more about what her 2nd floor family -a fine chassidisha neighbour in her building – thinks about how her daughter met her chasan without a shadchan,.

  15. it reminds me of a humourous book written by a woman who describes a few situations in typical Boro Park Flatbush style like the Romaine Letuce scene .- A real A – in humour.

  16. Pingback: Cutting Out the Middleman | בין דין לדין

  17. Mindy … please try not to have a heart attack … it might cost you your life …. we’d lose a valuable lady’s wit.

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