I owe you guys an apology.
If you’re reading this, then you’re awesome. You keep coming back, trusting me to put up fresh, interesting content, and I have been letting you down recently. And, unfortunately, I am about to let you down even more.
A couple of years ago I tried writing a VBA program to simulate the dating process. When I ran my code, it got caught in an infinite loop. Taking this as a stamp of realism, I abandoned the virtual dating code and went back to reality’s dating code. I was living in the infinite loop, going out with new guys every few months on an endless reel of first and second dates.
Well, recently, a software developer offered to help me drop out of the loop.
And I accepted.
This makes me an NEF, the butt of my own jokes, and no longer suitable to author this blog. With this post, I tender my resignation, effective immediately. Reposts will continue regularly until they reach today’s date. I sincerely apologize to everyone who is disappointed or inconvenienced in any way and wish you all the best.
PS: Since you are doubtless wondering: Blogging is both bad and good for shidduchim. Sometimes for the same shidduch.
PPS: And sometimes 42 really is the answer.
Good4 just handed me an article from the January 28, 2015 Ami magazine. It’s written by Avigail Rabin and the pull quote, in a bright aquamarine, is “I get the impression that I’m supposed to walk around in a wooden barrel, indoors, devoid of jewelry, until I am married.”
Naturally, I was intrigued. It took me about 45 seconds to devour the entire forum article, which was brilliant. While all rights belong to Ami, here are the first two paragraphs:
I don’t consider myself “a single.” I am very much the same person I was in fourth grade, in twelfth grade, at the age of 21, and last year. Me. Me who has not yet met Mr. Right, who is presumably out there somewhere, wondering where in the world I am and when I’ll be showing up. Why am I sharing this with absolute strangers? Because I’ve read so many perspectives on me and my supposed life and feelings on these pages and others by parents, shadchanim, mental health professionals, and even other singles, and not one of them has expressed my viewpoint. So here it is.
Last week I went shopping and came home with a beautiful Shabbos outfit. I teach a full day, tutor after school, and while I try to save responsibly for the future, I do occasionally shop. My mother said, “Wow, that looks amazing on you! Why don’t you put it aside for your sheva brochos?” Never mind that my last date was (a) uninspiring and (b) seven weeks ago. The same week I told a coworker I had just booked a flight to Eretz Yisroel for midwinter vacation. She replied, “Don’t go now; put it off and the first bein hazmanim that you’re married!” Then last summer, when I bought myself some really nice earrings in Florida with one of my als0-waiting friends, my grandmother, shaking her head in disappointment, wondered, “What’s the chasan going to buy you?”
Avigail, I officially love you. If you can write like this twice a week, and are so inclined, you can have my URL.
I would be remiss if, even in retirement, I didn’t post this wonderful article by the NewRepublic about the shidduch crisis. I mean, it’s not enough that we embarrass ourselves by panicking about all those unmarried women dying of old age, unhappiness, recreational time, and discretionary income. No: the internet must know about it too.
Dubbed “NYC’s Most Desperate Single Man” by the New York Post, and his name is Yossi.
HT to OA.
So, I remember that time a guy brought a pack of cards on a date. It was from a board game, but the point was to ask people things you would never otherwise ask them. Like, personal questions. Sometimes nosy. The second one that came up for me was, “What’s the most embarrassing thing in your bathroom?”
“Uh…” I said. I could think of a lot of things in my bathroom that would be embarrassing to talk about on a first date.
Needless to say, that game didn’t do much for our date, which died in the water.
I’ve had a card game like that (The Ungame) be more successful later on in the dating, like, once you’ve actually got to a point where you feel comfortable discussing, at least, the contents of your kitchen, if not your bathroom.
Anyway, SYAS has entered the dating card game game.
Some of the essential questions it covers: “What do you think of a woman earning more than her partner?” & “What would you do if you had to entertain a 5-year-old for a day?” & “Do you prefer meat, dairy, or pareve?” (What?) Well hey. If you don’t get any mileage out of the questions, you might get some out of making fun of the game.
Who doesn’t love ‘em? Read these dating gaffes. You know you want to.
“You nevah know from where a shidduch can come!” That was the reasoning that was supposed to compel me to attend the weddings of strangers, and various other events, in the hope that a Woman in Black would take pity on me and set me up with my future husband.
Well, it’s true. You nevah know. Your Woman in Black might actually be a Man in Brown, like this UPS truck driver, who delivers more than just packages. (HT to the Overland Park fan.)