More Tales out of Shidduch-ville

No, Shidduch-ville is not made up. I wish. It’s a pseudonym for a real live town you know and visit. And the young spinsters there take the process of getting married very seriously.

A couple of them thought they’d take up jogging. Losing weight is very important, and if you don’t need to lose it, you need to avoid gaining it, so jogging seemed like a great idea.

To me, it sounds great too. You don’t need any special equipment to jog. There’s no membership fee. You can do it anywhere at any time. Right?

Wrong.

You see, jogging does require changing into looser clothing and sneakers. And therein lies the rub. How on earth can an eligible female appear on the street in a long skirt and sneakers? Who knows who might see her? When you’re young and single, every long-nosed yenta is a potential shadchan. And thus, an afternoon’s jog becomes complicated.

They were not fast to give up, though. The Shidduch-ville girls found a running track at a public sports field. What could be more perfect? Nobody expects you to be dressed up when you jog on a track. In fact, the long-nosed yentas were all jogging there too, in their own denim skirts and sneakers. Perhaps between puffs of breath one of them might ask that golden question, “What are you looking for?”

All set to go then, right?

Wrong again.

You see, the long-nosed yentas on the track understand that the girls of Shidduch-ville are dressed as they are because they are exercising. But what of the long-nosed yentas on the girls’ own blocks? The ones who will see them walking from their front doors to the car, in casual dress, in order to drive to the track? Those yentas have no concept of the girls’ final destination. They don’t know that the girls are taking the commendable action of exercising to increase their shidduch desirability. They only know that the girls are being seen in public wearing the most casual and “shlumpy” of clothing. The scandal would be irreparable.

What to do, what to do? Were the girls of Shidduch-ville daunted? Not a bit. Well, maybe a bit. Who wouldn’t be? But they were determined, because their cause was a good one, and the ends justify the efforts. So they agreed that they would wear their regular, presentable clothing to drive to the track. Right outside the track they’d duck down and do a quick clothing change. They would exit the car and dash for the track, lest anyone misconstrue their appearance. They would jog around the track for an indeterminate amount of time. Then they would dash back to the car, change back, and drive home. They would step out of the van and walk to their front doors turned out in sartorial immaculateness. None of the local long-nosed yentas would ever suspect that they’d spent the last hour or two in denim and (gasp!) socks.

I would like to commend the girls of Shidduch-ville for their single-minded determination. Imagine if such perseverance were put to the cause of curing cancer, bringing world peace, or starting a chesed fund. Getting oneself married off is excellent practice for future life. This training will doubtless serve them well in all their future endeavors.

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3 thoughts on “More Tales out of Shidduch-ville

  1. Dear G-d. I’m so glad I don’t live there! It reminds me of a conversation my sister related to me, one she had when she went to go visit a bungalow colony populated largely by girls from (I’m guessing) Shidduch-ville. They were both horrified and fascinated (and, I suspect, a bit jealous) that she could, would, and DID go out in a long denim skirt, long-sleeved t-shirt, and a ponytail on a regular basis.

  2. ha, in a bungalow colony I work at, there is an extremely frum man who jogs regularly on the road, while wearing shorts (*gasp*!). He wears his full length pants with his shorts underneath until he steps out of the gate of the colony, where he strips them off, and hangs them on the post, goes on his run, and puts them back on. The funny thing is, his bungalow is right by the enterance to the colony, he wears his pants for about 5 seconds that it takes him to walk from his front door to the gate! Imagine how mortified I was the first time I encountered this married frum man, stripping off his pants in front of the whole world!

  3. Ezzzakly. A woman called me about my friend (who exercises a lot) and asked why her neighbors reported seeing her leave the house in a long black skirt, sneakers, no make-up, and her hair in a ponytail.
    So she can be skinny for you and your obnoxious son, lady.

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