So my friend lost her husband again last night. This happens frequently, as he tends to disappear into a bais medrash and never come out. She thought he might be in a specific shul that carries many minyanim simultaneously, so we drove over to look for him.
Well, my friend pops out of the car to go ask around the hangers-around if they’d seen a tall, blond fellow named Reuven, when friend #2 says, “What are you doing?”
Friend #1: Going to ask about my husband.
Friend #2: You can’t just go out there and start talking to men! It’s not tznius!
Friend #3: Why not?
Friend #2: She’s a girl!
Friend #3: No she’s not, she’s a woman. She’s married. That makes her a woman and everything is suddenly OK.
Friend #2: No it does not! She’s just a married girl!
An interesting arguement, but a stupid one. I hate to break it to you all out there, but we’re all women already. We can drink, drive, smoke, and play the lottery. We’re not girls. Our pre-frontal cortexes are completely developed. We have survived adolescence. We’re in college and working full time! We’re adults. That means we’re women.
But, as my psych professor explains, a Jewish female is considered not quite complete unless she’s married. So until we’ve got that wedding band, we’re in the same category as teenagers, tweens, and 5-year-old kindergarteners. Girls, girls, girls.
The question is what happens then? Does the band automatically make us women, or is there an intermediate period when we’re just married girls? I theorize that the cut-off point is the first baby. After you’ve given birth you are now a mother, and nobody can be a girl-mother. Therefore, they are women.
So really Friend #2 was right: Friend #1 was still a girl, albeit a married one. The rest of us will remain girls until we get married, even if that happens when we’re 43.
Now, have you noticed how much differently a person is treated in their stages of “girl,” “married girl”, and “woman”? It’s a topic for a different post, of course, and I’ll get to it, because it’s a favorite rant of mine.
In the mean time, I’d appreciate it if you’d all stop referring to me as a “girl”.