Applying for a Husband

Have I ever complained about shidduch resumes yet? I prefer when people call them “profiles.” I know it’s semantics, but semantics are what create meaning, and I am not applying for a job.

When I write up a resume, I always put the position I want at the top, followed by a brief description of why I’m applying for it, like such:

Supermarket Cashier

I am a whiz with a calculator and can memorize a hundred product codes in an evening. I would like to put my year of grocery experience at the service of your supermarket.

When someone first told me to write a “shidduch resume,” I took out my template for resumes and tried to work with that. I was stumped by the first line. What to put there? “Housewife”? Nah. I’ll always need some sort of part-time work. How about “career woman”? Now that’s catchy, right? Except I’m not sure I want to define my marriage that way. And ditto for “Kollel support.”

“Soul Mate”

“Wife”

“Life Partner”

Sheesh. What am I applying for with this resume?

I decided to skip it and go on to the next section. “Summary of qualifications.” Too blunt. Changed that to a personality summary. “Education background,” leave that, add summer camp information. “Past employment” can be shrunk down and slotted into the same spot. And “references available upon request” is expanded to fill the void. Add a photoshopped image and ta da! Shidduch resume completed.

The resume is then submitted to the employment agency (shadchan) or the company human resources department (the guy’s parents). They accept it with the usual “don’t call us we’ll call you” and then proceed to not call you while they consider it for what seems like an unnecessarily long time.  You’re about to give up in despair when you finally hear back from them. (If you do. Otherwise you go from “about to give up in despair” to “given up from despair.”)

The first date corresponds to the interview. In some companies there are several interviews. First, the information interview, where you learn about the company and they learn about your background. Most of that we do beforehand in the “checking out” stage, but we do leave something for the first date discussion. Then, if the company thinks you’re a candidate, you get called back for a second interview. That’s the second date. If you pass the second interview you get hired, but that’s just for a job. Shidduchim is more serious, and you merely get invited for round three.

If the employer thinks you are suitable and if you don’t decide it’s preferable to remain unemployed, mazal tov! We have a wedding. You have a job.

Another one dropped off the unemployment (“shidduch crisis”) statistics.

 Did I mention that I prefer to call it a profile?

 

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15 thoughts on “Applying for a Husband

  1. Great site.
    Are you able to change the RSS feed so that it can show the whole post instead of just the first few lines?

  2. Ooh, you got one of my favorite gripes here!
    Even worse is when they give you a form to fill out. It’s like the pre-resume application. And no open ended questions, either. Do YOU fit in a box?!

    I love ranting about this. Maybe I will do a post on it one day 🙂

  3. Anonymous – done and done!

    Yes – I love filling out the equivalent of the little multiple choice bubbles.
    Are you:
    1. yeshivish
    2. chareidish
    3. ultra orthodox
    4. modern ultra orthdox
    5. modern orthodox
    6. with-it orthodox
    7. chassidish
    8. litvish-chassidish

    etc…

  4. “It’s ridiculous, but then again, so is everything else…”

    Love it! Don’t mind if I quote you. 😀

  5. You need one more option on your list of “-ishes”: out of townish. In which case they toss your resume into the trash.

    (not that I’d want to date people who are snobby like that, anyway)

  6. I got one where they wanted you to label a certain list of character traits “no” “somewhat” or “very” (about yourself)

    GIVE ME A BREAK!

    And any one of them could be taken any way, you know what I mean?
    And they were ambiguous, too.

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  11. Gee, I’m starting to really appreciate my good fortune in having skipped all this.

    People should not be asking for pictures before the first date, in my opinion.

    Best4

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