Have I ever complained about shidduch resumes yet? I prefer when people call them “profiles.” I know it’s semantics, but semantics are what create meaning, and I am not applying for a job.
When I write up a resume, I always put the position I want at the top, followed by a brief description of why I’m applying for it, like such:
I am a whiz with a calculator and can memorize a hundred product codes in an evening. I would like to put my year of grocery experience at the service of your supermarket.
When someone first told me to write a “shidduch resume,” I took out my template for resumes and tried to work with that. I was stumped by the first line. What to put there? “Housewife”? Nah. I’ll always need some sort of part-time work. How about “career woman”? Now that’s catchy, right? Except I’m not sure I want to define my marriage that way. And ditto for “Kollel support.”
Sheesh. What am I applying for with this resume?
I decided to skip it and go on to the next section. “Summary of qualifications.” Too blunt. Changed that to a personality summary. “Education background,” leave that, add summer camp information. “Past employment” can be shrunk down and slotted into the same spot. And “references available upon request” is expanded to fill the void. Add a photoshopped image and ta da! Shidduch resume completed.
The resume is then submitted to the employment agency (shadchan) or the company human resources department (the guy’s parents). They accept it with the usual “don’t call us we’ll call you” and then proceed to not call you while they consider it for what seems like an unnecessarily long time. You’re about to give up in despair when you finally hear back from them. (If you do. Otherwise you go from “about to give up in despair” to “given up from despair.”)
The first date corresponds to the interview. In some companies there are several interviews. First, the information interview, where you learn about the company and they learn about your background. Most of that we do beforehand in the “checking out” stage, but we do leave something for the first date discussion. Then, if the company thinks you’re a candidate, you get called back for a second interview. That’s the second date. If you pass the second interview you get hired, but that’s just for a job. Shidduchim is more serious, and you merely get invited for round three.
If the employer thinks you are suitable and if you don’t decide it’s preferable to remain unemployed, mazal tov! We have a wedding. You have a job.
Another one dropped off the unemployment (“shidduch crisis”) statistics.
Did I mention that I prefer to call it a profile?