An Out of Mold Experience

My friend – let’s call her Shira – went to an out of town wedding. Since she is an ‘aging single,‘ (read: going on 24) her mother arranged for her to meet a garrison of shadchanim at the wedding. (Because what young lady can travel strictly for pleasure these days?)

So there they are, standing in the corner of the room, music blaring, people in black are dancing, waiters refilling the diet coke… and a jury of shadchanim is interrogating Shira.

“So what are you looking for?”

Argh. She begins describing the guy she thinks would fit her. He would have to be a a chareidi black hatter (apologies to the EndTheMadness readers: meaning he follows the Mishna Berura, has a rav, and attempts to conform to the norms to a certain extent), but not a full-time learner. She knew her lifestyle was too expensive for kollel.

Now, Shira is an aidle bais yaakov maidle. She attended a bais yaakov all her life, went to seminary like any good little girl, and lives in Flatbush. Like all such ‘fine’ young ladies, her father has always worked, but hopes his sons will learn. But while Shira can accept that a ‘lifetime learner’ is a wonderful and desirable trait in a husband, she is fully aware that she as and individual is not cut out for it.


Back to the wedding hall.

Shira howls over the music that she wants a chareidi black hatter who is capable of getting a job.

“So you want a learner,” shadchan #1 says.

“A lifetime learner or a ‘ten years and then become a rebbe’ learner?” shadchan #2 asks.

“Well of course he should learn his whole life, but he has to w*rk too,” Shira explains loudly.

“So you want a dayan or a rabbi who is in kollel now,” shadchan #3 understands.

“No! I mean, no kollel for me,” Shira shouts.

“Five years and then w*rking in Torah,” shadchan #1 says, in a moment of revelation.

“That’s not what – ” Shira protests.

“Give me a copy of your resume,” requests #2.

“Don’t call us, we’ll call you,” says #3 pleasantly.

And with that, the interview closed. Shira removed her powder-blue-suit-clad self to the street for some air and convinced herself not to scream.

Must we all fit a jelly mold for the sake of shidduchim?

11 thoughts on “An Out of Mold Experience

  1. Arrrrrgh. I don’t half blame her for wanting to scream. Were none of those (very well-meaning, I’m sure) ladies listening to a word she said?

  2. I suspect they didn’t know what to make of her. How can someone be properly religious and not want a learning boy, these days? Stupid molds.

  3. THAT is why I gave up on shadchanim long long ago. I refuse to meet another one. I tend not to be obsinate but this is one issue you can’t move me about. Take a survey of all people that got engaged recently and see how many of their shadchanim where of the top ten. Usually it is family and friends..

  4. I agree. Those women ought to be outlawed. And all these “make a shidduch earn $600” just encourage more reckless shidduch-pairing. Hm… there’s a topic for a post. So much for homework tonight.

  5. Scraps — Oh, sure they were listening. But they couldn’t hear anything over the music. (I wish, at least)

    Shidduchim — Your blog would be funny if it wasn’t so true. Oh, wait, it is funny. Life sure is strange sometimes.

  6. Truth is *always* stranger than fiction. (That’s the secret to Hanoch Teller’s success.) If we can’t laugh at the crazy situation we find ourselves in, how are we going to survive it? 🙂

  7. Happens ro be from the shadchan’s pt of view, so some maybe are a little on the difficult side and maybe aren’t cut out to be one, but there are many caring shadchanim that just try to do their best. it’s not so an easy field

  8. Pingback: Friday Repost: More Shadchanim « Bad for Shidduchim

  9. …have you considered limiting which ads you get served by AdSense? The style of your post is direct, irreverent, and honest. But the ad was for mail-order brides from various non-US places. I presume that’s not the tone you’re going for.

  10. I never installed adsense – WordPress fields the ads as a way of paying for their servers. Moreover, when I’m logged in I don’t get to see any ads. So I only hear about them when people email me, scandalized. But as poorly fielded ads go, I think mail-order brides are pretty funny. Unless they get too detailed.

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