The Miserably Married Revenge Club

I have a weakness for teasing. I admit it. And who better to tease than newlyweds, blissfully floating up in connubial-land? Nothing you say can bring them down, so they’re the perfect target for some elliptical logic.Shidduch Newlywed floating

The best jump-off point is a newlywed saying something like, “No I can’t, I have to get home and make dinner.”

“You’re going to miss our all-day shopping marathon to make dinner?”

(patronizing smile) “Well, yeah. It comes with being married.”

“Sheesh. Why would anyone want to be married?”

“Believe me, it’s worth it.”

“Yeah? How do I know I can believe you?”

“Why not? I have experience.”

“Maybe you’ve just joined a vast conspiracy of miserably married women, angry at being duped, and determined to initiate every other single girl into the club for your own vindictive ‘misery loves company’-type reasons.”

“A conspiracy of— Where did you hear something like that?”

“I didn’t. It’s a secret conspiracy, so how could I have heard of it?”

“Did I ever tell you that you’re nuts?”

“No, you are. You give up your independence and freedom; you become caretaker for some guy you’ve seen around 10 times over the course of 6 months; and you spend your free time making dinner instead of shopping. And you’re happy?”

“Yes!”

“And you’re not just saying it?”

“Why would I lie to you?”

“Because you’ve taken the oath of the Miserably Married Revenge club and I’m to be your first victim.”

“Grfugh!” (accompanied by strangulating motions.)

“Take a deep breath and try again?”

“There is no miserably married revenge club. Being married is great. It’s like a—a—new plane of existence. It’s being part of a pair, a team, a club—but not a miserable one!—and it’s great! You have to try it understand.”

“Are you sure you’re not just saying this?”

“Why would I ‘just say it’? I mean for what good reason—not idiotic revenge club reasons.”

“How about psychological reasons?”

(rolls eyes) “Go ahead.”

“Cognitive dissonance. You had no idea what you were getting yourself into and now you’re in it and can’t get out so you unconsciously convince yourself that you love it.”

“Cognitive dissonance?”

“Yup. When your actions or experiences don’t match your beliefs or preferences, one of them will change to keep you happy. In other words, you newlyweds all brainwash yourselves.”

“That is load of hogwash.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’m not just blindly happy! There are rocky points too, you know. But overall the experience is good.”

“But you admit that many aspects of being married would, under other circumstances, make you feel restricted and unhappy?”

“That’s enough, thank you. I don’t have time for this—the dishes are calling.”

“Avoiding contradictory evidence is a habit of many with foreclosed identities. Have you ever sat down and made a conscious decision that marriage is your preferred path through life?”

“Good-byyye. Talk to you again when you start making sense, OK?”

“No problem. Enjoy the dishes. Relish every moment. And feel ecstatic that you’re missing our all-day shopping marathon.”

“I most certainly will.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

 

(I would like to apologize to the cartoonist, Thomas Yoon, for shamelessly doctoring his drawing. The original is here.)

Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams:

Scott Adams and Shidduchim

 

 

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20 thoughts on “The Miserably Married Revenge Club

  1. Oh my. You have given me some food for thought. Why DID I want to get married? Quick, let me go fool some other unsuspecting single girl while I eat bon-bons and make my husband do the dishes.

    But really, I do hate dishes.

  2. Apologies to Halfshared – that’s the second time you’ve made a comment when I was having datestamp issues. 😀

    That’s right, marriagenewbie. Cognitive dissonance… we’ll all be appropriately wary of you. 😛

  3. I see this is gonna be a tough act to follow… sorry folks. Show-stoppers only once a month. Coming up: some kvetching, a bit of whining, a smidgen of complaining, and a heap of over-intellectualizing.

    BTW – I *have* tried this on friends. Give it a spin – spread the joy.

  4. I had zero patience for married friends like that and basically just dropped them.

    Marriage is really hard work. Especially in the beginning, and anyone that pretends that newly-married life is perfect is just fooling themselves.

    But it is wonderful…

  5. sure i’ve done this on friends, especially on friends that start suggesting their hubs friends during sheva brochos… it’s a fact they realize that they were tricked into this, and decide to trick the rest of the world too.
    Cognitive dissonance makes perfect sence. (not that I can pronounce that word!)

  6. from a (gulp) married point of view; what u’r saying is interesting… but i have to say (being a member of this cult) that because we marrieds succumbed to the shallowness of the challah-baking, supper making, carpool taking, happiness-faking, even leaf raking lifestyle… we have become defenseless and cant answer for ourselves…yes we’re happy, no we’re not teasing ourselves into this blissful existance…its good. life is good. things are good. we are where we should be. nobody likes dishes and girls need girlfriends. we might not be able to explain it to you but its good. you’ll see and you can still continue your blog once u find ur bff. (you can still laugh about the same things)

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  10. Not kidding. The most miserably married of my friends are the ones dying to set me up with any old loser. Misery loves company.

    (You can tell on a close friend whether they’re happily married or not.)

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  13. HAHAHAH i love this one. bad4 u make the hell of shidduchim soooooo much better. I LOVE YOU

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