I Can Also Do Dishes

I posted a while back about how shidduch dating has some seriously archaic aspects to it. Well, add to the list the business of the guy opening doors for you. I always feel a drop silly when he does that. I mean, I’m perfectly capable of opening doors myself. I can even tie my shoelaces without help! I gather it was once a sign of respect or esteem, but that was also when women were considered soft, delicate creatures. Modern Rosie the Riveter can hold open doors for men. When will this anachronism end?

18 thoughts on “I Can Also Do Dishes

  1. I don’t think the point of him opening the door for you is to say that you can’t do it yourself. It’s just a nice thing that a man can do for a women, harkening back to a time when chivalry was met with gratitude and not resentment. I can never understand women who balk at common curtisies like this. Yes, we know we can open the doors ourselves. But wouldn’t we rather have men opening doors for us and treating us with respect and delicacy than having them leer at us and treating us like “one of the guys”?

  2. i like it when my chosson holds the door open for me, and i always make sure to let him.
    in fact on our first date, he didn’t hold the door open, and i told my mother (not that it would have stopped me from going out again…) and then on the second date he did-as if someone had told him what i said.
    i just think it’s polite and mentchlich for a guy to hold open the door for a girl, especially those heavy hotel doors.

  3. Agreeing with Jacob (who commented on previous post): it’s mentchlach to hold open doors for anyone. I just feel weird about someone making a deal about opening the car door for me or something simple like that. Chivalry… well, I don’t know. The chivalrous male would also lay his coat across puddles for you lest you wet your slipper. I don’t see any male doing that these days. So chivalry it probably isn’t.

  4. yep, mentchlich it is.

    actually, though, while on a dat, i once had a conversation about whether a guy should open a the door for a girl. chivalry aside, there is an inyan of a guy not walking behind a girl. and if he holds the door for you, that usually happens.

  5. I’ve heard that one too – about guys not walking behind girls. But it’s an inyan, not a halacha, and if that’s the reason a guy doesn’t hold open doors then I feel entitled to snort.

    Yeah, contradictory feelings. I plead guilty.

  6. I think that guys shouldn’t open car doors for girls, wait for them to be seated, and go around to their side. Many times a girls skirt rides up when she goes into the car and it’s not tznius if she accidentally reveals a knee. Guys have done that for me and I dont like it. They can open the door for me but I can close it behind me, thanks. Also, I dont like them to slam the door in my face.

  7. Hey, I was going to write about the “inyan”… OK, dreamer can play rebbetzin this time. L-rd knows I do enough lecturing.

    Really, girl, you gotta chill out — one day when you’re shlepping three kids, a double stroller, and a week’s worth of groceries, you’ll wonder where all the door-holders went…

    With regard to chivalry, though, I just want to note the difference between a car door and a building door. A building door, it is just old fashioned good manners. I hold ’em for strangers; I’d expect a person to do the same for me, especially if it’s a person who’s trying to impress me. But to go around to the other side of a car, well that’s a little silly imho. Why should the girl sit there like an dummy while he gets out, comes around… Nu, pull the handle yourself and get up!

  8. there is nothing more romantic than a woman becoming a soft delicate creature so that her knight in shining armor can care for her, fulfilling his desperate need to be masculine and macho etc… opening the door is a beautiful thing bec. it lets the woman be just that and the guy feel just that way. (its a symbolic sort of thing…the dor has nothign to do with it) ps…we also are not THAT scared of spiders…

  9. I like when the guy holds the door for me if and only if I feel it’s a reflection on his actual middot and not just something he’s doing because all his friends have told him you score points for doing it. If he’s a jerk overall but makes a big show of holding the door for me, I think it’s stupid and fake.

  10. Truthfully, I don’t care either way if he does or doesn’t open the door for me. But then when one guy didn’t and he actually waited on his side to get in himself, until I was settled into the car so as not to see me “climb” into the car, I felt a bit offended or piqued. It just felt weird to me.

  11. Form all my dating exp, I noticed that the girls enjoy when the boy opens the door for them (and the boy enjoys it too).
    The only thing is that maybe not to let a girl walk in first, as that’s the halacha, however mechlichkeit is impt also, and it is respectful to let the girl in first ( if the guy is a perv, that’s another story, and she might as well dump him)

  12. What Mrs. Mouse said is very true – it’s not about the action as much as what it means. Boys like to take care of girls, it’s instinctive. And it’s so weird, cause girls like to be taken care of, and I’m always feeling guilty when my husband takes care of me and does stuff I can do perfectly well myself. But it’s that protective instinct. Girls like to be protected, but they also like to nurture. They like it when you make them supper and iron their shirt – they feel taken care of in a different way. That’s why we make supper and the guys kill the spiders, lift the heavy stuff, etc.

  13. When I am with male coworkers they also hold doors open for me, it’s not just a thing to do for someone you are dating. It shows that a person is a mentsh. But especially when out on a date, the guy should be a polite person and treat the woman properly.

  14. I don’t like spiders; when I see one I kill it before hubby would have half a chance! Same for mosquitoes. Harmless bugs I usually “live and let live.” What’s this business about being symbolic of a man’s need to protect his woman? How sweeeeeet.

  15. There’s a theory that it’s programmed in to men to protect and women to be protected and nurture – creating a safe, nuclear family.

    Would that explain the sole hesitation I have regarding the kollel life? I’d rather be protected by that husband instead of protecting him?

    Regardless, I should clarify: when I complained about doors I meant car doors. It just feels silly.

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