While I usually go for creative content, this is redo of an email someone sent me. It just seemed too fun to pass up. And it matches Miss Teacher’s post of a letter about judging people by the wrong information.
Question: would you go out with any of these people?
Mr. Perfect #1: He’s a BT, and his father was involved in an Eastern polytheistic religion. He’s been involved in umpteen political disputes – must be a strange bird – and his brother committed suicide.
Mr. Perfect #2: His grandfather worshipped idols. His father married someone 40 years younger than himself – something odd there. His mother is from a treifeh home, his twin brother went off the derech, and he spent many of his formative years working for his uncle, a professional con artist. Makes you wonder about his chinuch.
Mr. Perfect #3: His father is a BT whose other wife was a shiksa, so his half-brother is an Arab. His mother had some medical issues – we don’t know what they are but she was childless for years – could be genetic. And she died very suddenly after her husband tried to kill their son. Do you really want to get involved in that kind of family?
Mr. Perfect #4: His mother died young – they won’t say of what. His middos are suspect and have led to him being alienated from his family. He was arrested and thrown in jail for attacking a woman (of course he claims he’s innocent), and his great-grandfather was a hardcore member of a weird cult.
Mr. Perfect #5: His parents divorced and then remarried – can you imagine? His sister is still single – must be something wrong with her. He was a preemie. He never got speech therapy and you can barely understand what he says. His parents abandoned him when he was a baby and he was adopted by non-Jews. He turned against them, killed a man, and would have received capital punishment if he hadn’t run away. And nobody really knows what he did in all those years before he came back…
Mr. Perfect #6: He’s descended from a geyores – and not necessarily a kosher one, if you hold by a different rav. He’s not very sophisticated: spends most of his time playing music to the sheep. He has the look of a born killer – there’s just something about him… And though they won’t release his record, the government doesn’t chase after someone like that for nothing.
Mr. Perfect #7: His mother was once caught davening in the Mishkan while drunk – they tried to hush it up but everyone knows. The children of her co-wife, who used to bait her, all died mysteriously quite suddenly soon after. And his mother gave him up when he was only three.
You’ve probably figured them out, but, in order: Avraham, Yaakov, Yitzchok, Yosef, Moshe, Dovid, Shmuel.