Little Pitchers part 1

There’s a reason for keeping dating details away from the prying eyes of younger siblings. Children are endowed with such active imaginations, bless them, that we’re blessed ourselves if we can avoid hearing it applied to our shidduch suggestions.

No sooner is the first date set up that Half-Pint and Quarter-Pint are daydreaming during class, doodling pictures of gowns in the margins of their notebooks. Even my sister, a Three-Quarters-Pint, has her gown planned out, and is increasingly annoyed at my cruel disinclination to accommodate her with a wedding.

Actually, not all of it is planned out. She has a serious problem with the sleeves. She loves those puffy bell sleeves, but she also adores the straight kind that taper to a point over the back of the hand. What should she do, oh what should she do? Every new prospective gentleman brings on the hand-wringing.

After rolling my eyes, I offer a solution. “Bell sleeves to the elbow, and straight to a point from there down.”

She gives me a you-are-sooo-not-being-helpful glare. “That will make me look ridiculous,” she says.

I raise an eyebrow. “And since when has that ever stopped you?”

(Actually, she’s slowly coming around to my idea. I knew it wouldn’t stop her.)

By the time you’ve arranged a third date, the Half-Pints are choosing entrees and the Quarter-Pints are interrupting absorbing dinner conversation about Nietzsche* to ask if you’ll have flowers as nice as Cousin Hadassah’s. Three-Quarters-Pint is telling me that I’m totally getting married in the Marina del Ray (sp?) because it’s stunningly gorgeous and no place quite matches it. (Disclaimer: they are not paying me or her to advertise.)

I remind Three-Quarters-Pint that, in fact, I’m getting married in the driveway wearing beautiful white denim. Men will dance on the front lawn while women get a pavilion in the back. Flowers will be fresh from the neighbor’s garden. Marina del Ray need not apply.

My sister rolls her eyes in that you’re-just-being-difficult way and says, “Mommy and Abba won’t let, you know.”

“I wouldn’t bet on that!” chorus both parents from different rooms, dollar signs dancing in front of their eyes. My sister gives an exasperated “auh!” Because clearly we all have our priorities mixed up.

“Well his parents won’t let, and you don’t want to get on their bad side before you’re married,” she argues.

“Maybe they won’t want to get on my bad side,” I point out. After all, I’ll be the one feeding their beloved son.

“Well what if he wants a normal wedding?!” the poor girl is getting desperate. I have mercy.

“If he really insists, I guess I’ll have to get married in a hall.” Then, seeing her relief, I add, “But I would never marry someone with such shallow priorities.”

It’s not—!” she starts, but sees me laughing and leaves to do something less frustrating, like geometric proofs.

* Not about his philosophy, just about how to spell his name.

Little Pitchers P2

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13 thoughts on “Little Pitchers part 1

  1. I believe that is Marina del Rey–the marina of the king.

    At least your “pints” are sticking to wedding dreams. My very baby sister asked my husband of less then a month why I wasn’t having a baby yet because she saw the most adorable stretchy in a store. Couldn’t he try harder? Coming as the question did at shalosh seudos, every man at the table suddenly decided that he had to get to shul early because of some extra learning he had promised to do. Cowards all of them.

  2. As they say “out of the mouth of babes”. At least she says what she thinks. As opposed to all your mature friends that suspect you if you don’t pick up your phone the first time they try and have your nails done in the middle of the week. Ah, how the imagination can run wild.

  3. lol. My sisters go online to bridal stores and try to find gowns and color schemes. And as the hall business, my parents are convinced I am getting married in my own backyard. lol.

    But yes, totally. It for sure happens in every family.

  4. You know, it’s ironic–I practically had to talk my parents *out* of making me getting married in their backyard. But then, seeing as my parents live in Yehuppetzville, USA, I don’t think it’s such an unreasonable request. I wouldn’t mind so much as long as all my friends could come and dance…

  5. Bad4, mazal tov on your engagement!!! Seeing that you are getting married in Marina del Rey and that I’ll be in LA in March, can I get an invitation to the wedding? I think that’ll be enough time for you to plan the entire event. If needed, I can supply you the exact dates that I’ll be on the west coast to help you facilitate the concurrent timing of your wedding with my vacation.

  6. Sometimes, the lil pints are right. When I was dating once, the shadchan’s 5 yr old son told me, its not so complicated, just say I like you, you like me lets get married. Maybe there would be more Shidduchim made, if we took his advice, lol…

  7. Does your sister know she’s a 3/4-pint?

    When my nieces started growing their hair and clipping back their bangs three years ago so they could wear an up-do to my wedding, I rolled my eyes.

    But I was a little sad when they recently gave up and started cutting it short again.

    Scraps — I’d come! Dancing at a backyard wedding in Yehuppetzville… can’t wait!

  8. Oh, mine just talk about redoing the house… And my sis-in-law wonders if she’ll make it to my wedding (she’s pregnant)… and the sibs in israel call every day to see what’s doing… and cry their eyes out at the kosel and kever rochel… and then, well, whatever…

  9. Scraps, I would also come. I love Yehuppetzvilles. And they’re a great excuse to get out of town.

    😀 Adam, I had to google to figure out what you were talking about. Now I feel cheated – my cousin is getting married in the hall, not the city. There goes a good excuse to travel/miss the wedding. Though somehow I doubt a town whose bragging rights consist of having the largest man made small boat harbor would have much by way of wedding accommodations good enough for my cousin.

    B~M – I asked my sister and she seemed to think it was “cute”. Figures.

  10. Bas~Melech and Bad4, while I’m flattered, if I get my way I will not be getting married anywhere near Yehuppetzville. While you guys might want to shlep out to the middle of nowhere, not a lot of people will, and considering that now I’ve officially spent nearly half of my life living elsewhere, I’m not so attached to my little puny hometown. It’s incredibly stupid to plan a backyard wedding there, anyway–the weather is chronically terrible. And my mother is terrible at planning and micromanaging, which would make it even more incredibly stupid for her to try to plan a wedding (and still more stupid for me to let her try).

  11. Pingback: Friday Repost: Pitchers Have Ears | Bad for Shidduchim

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