You Don’t Reject Me, I Reject You First

Pride is such a strange thing. It serves little purpose, and yet is so imperative to our self-perception. And one thing that wounds our pride to no end is rejection. We’ve all experienced it to some extent, be it by not being accepted to a choir, acting, or dance group; not being picked for a sports team; not being accepted to a seminary, or not being hired for a job. There’s always that “But I thought I was perfect for it!” and the hurt feeling upon discovering that clearly someone out there—or even several someones—were even more perfect.

Often we develop Sour Grape Syndrome, so well observed by Aesop centuries ago. In modern example, it’s the pink-slipped employee who informs his boss, “You can’t fire me because I quit first.” And if we know the metaphoric pink slip is coming, we scramble to quit first, so we’re in the prized position of rejecter, and not that of rejected.

So there’s always that little hurt when a guy says “No thanks, not again,” or even “No thanks, not even a first try.” There’s always that “Hey, wasn’t I good enough for you?” Especially if you were going to give it another go, because why not? You weren’t going to quit, but then he goes and fires you. And you’re left with your pink slip unable to shout, “But I really rejected you first! I was just being nice!”

Ah, pride. Have I mentioned that dating is a character-building experience?

Obviously he isn’t rejecting you, he has simply made an assessment that you and he are not compatible in the long term. And it doesn’t matter who voices this evaluation first, because the end result is the same. And he’s actually saving you from another pointless bout with the wardrobe and makeup, so you should be grateful. So let the stupid pride rest and be happy to get on with life. Just reject the feeling of rejection. Now that should boost your self-esteem.

10 thoughts on “You Don’t Reject Me, I Reject You First

  1. I have a relative who just dated a girl for his first date. they went out a few times and then she broke it off.
    They were very upset. It is pride. It is the sense of rejection. What? I am not good enough?

    It is just her saying we are not compatible. It should not be a big deal.

  2. See, if I’m just being nice, I tell that to the shadchan when I say if I’ll go out again or not. Therefore I escape with my pride most of the time, with the exception of the times when I actually *do* want to go out again and not just because I’m giving him a second chance. Then it’s annoying.

  3. Man, you’ve been philosophical lately.
    A day without my fix of b4s humor is like a night without chocolate. Well, not quite… but if you can be serious for 3 posts running, I can be melodramatic 😛

  4. Now this is an interesting revelation. You mean it takes you more time to be funny than to be serious? Does funny require more effort as well?

    signed,
    Bas~Melech, who doesn’t understand why her info always stays in the form, is too lazy to clear the cookies, and doesn’t want to be discovered 😛 (and who also doesn’t understand why the tongue guy in wordpress looks more like a bloody smile)

  5. Bas-Melech
    What you are missing is that the wordpress tongue smiley is in fact a deep parable – it represents Mr. Pac-Man with his tongue out, the lesson being, that if you run and chew with your tongue sticking out, all you are left with is a bloody smile. Of course, having recently bith mou tug thevewly, my opinion on this may be a bit skewed.

  6. Pingback: Friday Repost: Pride and Prejudice | Bad for Shidduchim

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