Zoom Zoom… Cough Cough

Five friends got engaged in a three week stretch, and I was left with a strange feeling. Is that what they call the “left behind” feeling? I guess so. It’s not like I feel like I’m doing highway speed during the Indy 500, though. I don’t feel… “left behind.” It’s more like watching everyone do something you can’t do too. Like watching a party go on, but being unable to join, or like having all your friends join a club, but being barred yourself. It’s like everyone’s been living another life that you didn’t know about.

It’s like when everyone at the table gets the joke except you; like when everyone’s discussing a book you never read or a movie you never saw. It’s like coming in to school one day and discovering everyone has a fancy new ten-brained yoyo except you, and you don’t even know where to get one. It seems everyone is either getting engaged or getting married, and I’m standing on the sidelines saying, “Hey wait, where can I get one of those?”

Suddenly five more friends are all excited about weddings and marking “first date” anniversaries on their calendar, and I’m feeling like you do when you walked in just after the presentation and don’t know what the discussion groups are going on about. Like finding out that all your friends are going to a camp you’ve never heard of. Like being the only one who didn’t get accepted to a seminary, or the only one to miss the chain call about the party. It’s just… a strange feeling.

26 thoughts on “Zoom Zoom… Cough Cough

  1. All right, who are you and what have you done to B4S?!

    Well, whoever-you-are, let me warn you: it’s thoughts like these that make one susceptible to symptoms such as G4S behavior.

  2. y’know, maybe bad4 should opperate a Bad4shidduchim list of both boys and girls who are not looking for the yeshivishe “ideal” and who would rather not fit the mold perfectly while still remaining commited to torah (ie bad for shidduchim.) so that someone can get around to figuring out who should go with whom…

  3. At least being frum has saved you from the ultimate horror b4s, having to be a bridesmaid for all those friends. The latest romantic comedy chick flick is titled “27 dresses,” referring to the 27 times the wearer has been a bridesmaid for her friends and family. Imagine that, an advantage to the shidduch system!

  4. profk, much as I like what you say in the main, this time you’re a bit off.

    MO people who go out, meet random orthodox jewish girls fall in love and marry also don’t have brides maids.

    Thats a jewish thing, not a shidduch thing.

  5. Wow. That is how I feel, not how you are supposed to feel! Three of my friends got engaged in two weeks.. one of them being my best friend. So yes, I completely understand. It is a feeling of, if they can do it, whats wrong with me?

    All I can say, is the cliche “don’t worry, he is out there for you too.” But I know that just seems patronizing and ridiculous. So I am truly sorry that you have to feel this way, and know that you are passing hashem’s nisayon right now- and that he has not forgotten about you.

  6. I can’t even say i know the feeling anymore of friends getting engaged, leaving me behind because my friends have been married for ages already and I have no friends left to get engaged.

  7. I’m fine – really! I was just trying to isolate and describe the peculiar sensation. It’s long gone, and bon débarras.

  8. Well at least you’re not married to someone just to get married. You’ll find your zivug yet IYH. Don’t ever settle! I’m black hat but I go to a public university (Not for long I hope) I’m sarcastic, wry, curious, I set very high standards, and I like knowing about everything around me (B”H for Wikipedia) in addition to Torah, Talmud, and Gemara. And I’m sure there’s at least a few other people out there like me. So don’t give up hope! I know I really shouldn’t be commenting on this blog or even reading it but I wanted to see things from the other side when it comes to shidduchim.

    Yasher koach, B’hatzlacha!

  9. Oh feel free, Mr. Anonymous. There are enough men hanging around here that we practically need a mechitza!

  10. Yoni,

    Still plenty of MO girls who do have bridesmaids who are friends rather than sisters. It’s a big world out there. Brooklyn is not the be all and end all of existence.

  11. profk, I haven’t been in brooklyn in years, B”H.


    (I think we’ve been through this before, haven’t we? weird sense of deja vu.)

  12. It’s not a strange feeling, it’s a bad feeling. I don’t know what you think you’re accomplishing by pretending it’s anything but.

  13. in the middle of nowhere.

    I have a small amount of anonymity, mostly guarded by the location of where I live, which could be found by the exceedinly and unhealthily obsessive.

    I live in a small community with maybe 20 orthodox families, and about maybe 200 conservative, and maybe 7000 reform/unafilliated jews.

    once upon a time we were a large comunity, and then the orthodox shuls prohibited having babies in shul and kicked the teenagers out, and y’know what? they left for new york, chicago, baltimore, and lots of otherplaces where they were wanted (when they went to collage) and there they married, and they never ever felt like they wanted to come home.

    So where we had like five kosher butchers, we now have only a small operation within kroger, etc.

  14. I was reminiscing with an old buddy of mine who is single and he still freaks out that me, Jacob Da Partying Jew, is married and has a kid.

    Yup, the days of ” Lets stay in grungy motels and get wasted in the middle of Florida” are over.

  15. “You got the right idea! Ice cream & sorbet all the way”

    Oh, no, no, no…. This situation calls for massive doses of chocolate. Ice cream is okay, so long as it is 1) full-fat and 2) has chocolate. Sorbet is far too healthy. It simply is not up to the task.


  16. Gila, don’t worry about chikita. I have a nice coconut sorbet that has more fat than any of the ice cream in my freezer (4 varieties, last I checked, at least 2 including chocolate)

  17. It was SHARON’S sorbet that I was talking about. Fat content is not the main thing here. This sorbet is awesome. My personal faves are raspberry, chocolate and passion fruit – best when together in 1 bowl 🙂

  18. Theres a company called graters that has a divine apple cider sorbet.

    but seriously, sorbet is actualy worse for you than ice cream, it has WAY more refined sugar.

    Real ice cream is actualy remarkably good for you. Not that much worse than drinking a cup of milk. 🙂

    But personaly there is little better than some cholov yisroel vanilla ice cream, although I know from personal experience that non-cholov yisroel ice cream often tastes better 😦

  19. Pingback: Friday Repost: Not in the Club | Bad for Shidduchim

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