It’s a Segula for Getting Married, part 2

Segulos part 1

Buy a sheitel and/or tallis: A friend told me her sister invested in this rather expensive “segula” (source unknown). “Did it work?” I asked. “Well she got engaged six months later,” she shrugged. That reminds me of… well, the way a lot of segulos work.

I don’t really understand the rationale behind this one. Murphy’s Law would state that buying a sheitel or tallis would immediately disqualify someone from getting married at least until the sheitel goes out of style or the tallis becomes yellow.  Perhaps the point is to prove that you are completely ready to get married, now would God please just send the guy already? Then again, surely there must be better ways to demonstrate your readiness—maybe by going an entire week without getting snappish, for example, or by losing arguments graciously.

Give money to hachnasas kallah: Charity is always good for a quick and easy zechus, and hachnasas kallah is up there in the list of things you get rewarded for in this world too, so if anything sounds promising, this would be it.

Holding the bride’s jewelery during the chupah: I’m not exactly sure that this is really a segula. Meaning, some say holding the jewelery is a segula, but they don’t specify what for. Other people say of course it’s a segula for getting married, but most of them are assuming, and have no source. Again (as usual) I don’t know the source for this one, but one incredibly fun result of it is that every bride attends her wedding laden with jewelery so she can distribute it to all her single friends before the chupah.

Standing under the chupah/holding the pole: according to this segula, no photographer should stay single for long, since they tend to take the central position under the chupah and let everyone else slot themselves in around them. The bochurim honored with singing under the chupah should come in next. I would be interested in a study correlating this phenomenon. Considering that people are usually spilling out around the edges as it is, I wouldn’t recommend trying this segula unless you’re practically family or unless you don’t care about getting nasty looks. Hey, if you’re desperate…

Say Shir HaShirim for 40 days straight. Alternative: have 40 people say Shir Hashirim Friday night after candle lighting. (Or is it to say Shir Hashirim 40 times, but people get around it with groups? Or does it not matter, as long as it combines Shir Hashirim and 40?)

I presume there’s a source for this one, because I can’t imagine what else would induce anyone to consider a casual reading of Shir HaShirim a recommended pastime. But maybe it’s like Eshes Chayil in that way: you know how young married men like to sing Eshes Chayil to their wives, who just lap it up? Do any of them actually listen to the words? I cringe at the thought of being compared to that yardstick. I’m convinced that at some point my husband is going to wake up and say, “Waitasec: Bad4 doesn’t do that for me! I’ve been cheated!”

Anyway, back to Shir HaShirim, this little segula is not to be disdained, for it has positively contributed to the Orthodox economy, what with pre-divided booklets and mini pocket versions so you need never be caught without your Shir HaShirim.

And does it work? Well, as one friend told me, “Sure it does! I got engaged on my fourth round of 40 days.” That’s a marginally better rate than six months for a sheitel and tallis (if you’re counting days. If you’re counting repetitions of the segula, it’s not better at all), and you get to learn some Kesuvim for the same price. Sounds good to me.

Collect broken plates from the engagement and marriage: I found this one on hashkafa.com, along with the following comment: “[T]he segulah is to collect a plate piece – any size – from different tnoyim plates. It worked for me… I got engaged pretty soon after my 7th plate I think.” ‘Nuff said, I think.

It seems people attribute a magical power – er, segula – to almost anything to do with the wedding. Drinking from the cup under the chupah is also cited as a segula, though there are plenty of single walking around that can disprove it.

Even more forthcoming.

 Segulos part 3

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23 thoughts on “It’s a Segula for Getting Married, part 2

  1. I am walking, talking proof that the jewelry segula and the wine segula do not work.

    Incidentally, you did not mention it, but there is also the segula of putting the red string blessed at kever rachel (of COURSE it is) that you put on your wrist and leave it there until it becomes so corroded and nasty that it falls off on its own, at which point you are supposed to find your beshert, though not before you have managed to convince all and sundry that you have no familiarity of the concept of personal hygiene.

    Well, anyway, that does not work either.

  2. I managed to get married without anything you’ve mentioned yet. Sometimes I think these exist only to make you feel like you’re doing something, instead of just relying on mazel.

  3. Anyone know a source for the whole Shir Hashirim thing?? I’m stubbornly holding out for one.

    Drinking from *any* kos shel bracha is actually legit – the malachim went looking for Sara to offer it to her, and if Avraham didn’t object, that’s good enough for me.

  4. Time to make up your own segulot!!!! Here is the deal, 3 people all agree to perform the “new” segula at the next wedding, and I bet that it will make the official segula list within a year.
    So here is my list of new segula (if they are real segulot, please forgive my ignorance)
    1) wear the kallah’s wedding dress for 3 friday night dinners in a row (before the kallah dry cleans it of course, otherwise you would wash away the segula)
    2) Stand by the Yichud room and as soon as the chatan and kallah come out, run and eat all their leftover food. (be careful with the edim, it will not invalidate the marriage, but they may get upset)
    3) Even better, sneak into the yichud room.
    4) Collect the flowers from the chuppah and make yourself a tiara with them, then dance 7 times around the chuppah (after the ceremony is over of course) counterclockwise while singing shir hashirim.
    5) Date all the chatan’s single brothers and friends (over 20). If this doesn’t work,then there is no hope

  5. I have enough broken plate pieces that I could probably weld them into a complete china set for 20. Didn’t work. If I’d kept all the different pieces of jewelry I’ve been given by the kallahs at their weddings I could open up a shop that rivals Cartier. Didn’t work. Need I go on?

  6. And each yeshiva you go to has their own little segula, my chavruta was in scranton and they had a segula who ever bought the line of va’yehe b’inso’a of ata ha’reisah on simchat torah (they only sold ata ha’reisa) would get married that year (longer then 6 months) and since the guys were usually 22+ they invariably did… one year the bidding went over $1000 (that used to be alot for yeshiva guys spending their parents money) and the rosh was like WTF!!! so they told him (and i think he zapped the segula)
    In the Mir yerusalyim they also had something like buying kol hanearim

    ps the shir hashirim worked for me we met THAT NIGHT!!! and were engaged in 2 weeks (so much for 6 months)
    but then i tried it for someone else and it worked, well sorta she got divorced after 2 years of hell

  7. Anon-love the new segulas. I normally hate weddings but now I just cannot wait to be invited to another one.

    Yichud room is not likely to be all that exciting at the weddings I go to (people have already been living together etc) but I really like the tiara idea.

  8. Oh, and by the way, I am a big fan of segulos after having heard that Elizabeth Taylor was a segula afficianado- just look at her success!

  9. Aishes Chayil- Husbands usually see that their spouse does absolutely no wrong. At least mine does. He compares the words of aishes chayil to the things I have done for him during the week and he thanks me for them individually.

  10. Thought I’d just add this to give hope to some of those people whp are trying some of these segulos.
    Almost two years ago I began Shir Hashirim for 40 days for a friend (I knew I would keep going if it was a friend…too hard for myself). Well, it took me about 4 months to complete 40 days, since I kept forgetting to say it. Finally, I finished. Nope, the girl did not get engaged, and is till not engaged. Yet, it changed me. I learnt some of the meforshim on it, and I did not want to stop saying it for a while afterwards.
    A few months ago, I dated a boy for a while, yet did not feel I could say yes. After calling it off, I felt really bad, and really wanted to do something for him in terms of him getting married. So, I began 40 days. He got engaged within those 40 days, on the very night that I had a long conversation with my mom, discussing how I would ever know if he had forgiven me for the hurt. I felt Hashem’s answer so clearly.
    After calling up my friend to tell her the wonderful news, and asking what I should do now. Should I finish the 40 days? She answered, “Daven for me.”
    So, I finished the 40 days and began 40 days for her. She met her choson shortly afterwards, and got engaged on the 39th day.
    I was over the moon. Firstly, since she had gotten engaged, and secondly, since I felt so clearly Hashem telling me that prayers are answered.
    And yes, after this, I did tell a few people, and then began 40 days for someone else. And, no. She did not get engaged. But, many many people I know got engaged during that period.
    All this does not mean, at all, that saying Shir Hashirim made those people get engaged. This was their right time -“Sha’ah tova”. But, this definitely was a sign from Hashem saying – Don’t give up. Every tefilla counts. Every word of Shir Hashirim -when you understand it, (and thereby understand the close relationship between Hashem and His people) and when you don’t understand it, (but still show your strong desire for you and your friends to find the right one) – adds to the cup in heaven. Until one day…it will overflow.
    And, yes, I have begun to say for another friend.
    It happens to be I am really not a segula believer (most of the time)…but, if you can grow from it, or simply show Hashem your strong desire and willpower…why not?

  11. I happen to love Shir Hashirim… When I taught, I used to say it almost every day while the kids davened… Interesting to note is that it orgininally took me close to half an hour, and now takes me about eight minutes…

  12. There’s a concept about magic that states: If you believe in it, it exists for you. If you don’t, it’ll have no effect on your life. A friend of mine opined that this applied to (true) Segulos, and even those shouldn’t be taken so seriously. Being a good Jew, he says, is the best Segula.

  13. Pingback: Segulos Revisited « Bad for Shidduchim

  14. Pingback: Monday Revisit: Segulos | Bad for Shidduchim

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