It seems a perennial complaint of engaged people that no sooner are they engaged that all their friends start treating them differently. The friends claim it’s because the engagee is acting differently. In my experience, most engaged people act at least a bit engaged (they can’t help it – it would be like not acting female), and most single people have tons of fun goading them on.
Because while it’s fun to make fun of married people, it’s just as much fun to tease engaged people. It’s even more fun, because they have such a hard time taking it. Every engaged person is absolutely convinced that she isn’t “acting engaged” and will protest vehemently any insinuation to the contrary.
“Stop it! I am not acting engaged! I have not started any sentences with ‘my chosson says.’ I do not drown you in details about my wedding. I do not space out at odd moments while smiling at nothing. So stop acting like I’m acting differently.”
“Tsk. You’re right. It’s terrible how we’re treating you. What would your chosson say?”
Well, I have a message for all the engaged people out there: we don’t care. You don’t have to act differently; you just are. You are officially out of the shidduch system, gone over to the other side, no longer one of us, and therefore, you aren’t accorded the same rights. You are engaged, and we will treat you accordingly.
Apparently, some formerly engaged people forget how irritating it was to be teased, and get in on the fun with the single people. I was screaming in conversation with a married friend at a wedding when an engaged friend passed by.
Married Friend: Hey, where you going?
Engaged Friend: To make a phone call.
Married Friend: (raises eyebrow) Making a phone call? To anyone special? (Draws out “spe-cial” in a significant way.)
Engaged Friend: Er… no. Nobody special.
Married Friend: (Smirking) Yes I’m sure: “Nobody” with a capital “N”. (wink wink nudge nudge)
Engaged Friend: (squeaky protest) No way! I mean I can’t – this is a borrowed phone and I don’t know his number by heart.
Married Friend: (mock shock) You don’t know his number yet?!
Engaged Friend: Why should I know it? It’s in my phone! (thoughtful) Though I really should call. We haven’t spoken yet today.
Married Friend: Haven’t spoken yet today?
Engaged Friend: Yeah – whenever he calls I’m busy –
Married Friend: You’re too busy to talk to your chosson? (feigned horror)
Engaged Friend: Well I’m either at work, or shopping—
Married Friend: Oh shopping! So, you’ve been doing a lot of shopping lately?
At this point, if I’d been Engaged Friend, I would have put Married Friend in a full Nelson and refused to let go until she promised to take a ta’anis dibur for 48 hours. The funnest part of the whole exchange was that Married Friend would have inverted the nose of anyone who’d tried anything like that on her when she was engaged. (Honestly, some people!) Kudos to Engaged Friend for taking it like a pro – hey, by now she probably is one.
And the best part of it all – she’s getting great practice for shana rishona. By the time she walks down the aisle she’ll be so good at grinning and bearing it she’ll be able to handle anything her husband can throw at her – be it a taste for fresh spinach or dirty socks.
We-ell… maybe almost anything.