How to be Engaged

It seems a perennial complaint of engaged people that no sooner are they engaged that all their friends start treating them differently. The friends claim it’s because the engagee is acting differently. In my experience, most engaged people act at least a bit engaged (they can’t help it – it would be like not acting female), and most single people have tons of fun goading them on.

Because while it’s fun to make fun of married people, it’s just as much fun to tease engaged people. It’s even more fun, because they have such a hard time taking it. Every engaged person is absolutely convinced that she isn’t “acting engaged” and will protest vehemently any insinuation to the contrary.

“Stop it! I am not acting engaged! I have not started any sentences with ‘my chosson says.’ I do not drown you in details about my wedding. I do not space out at odd moments while smiling at nothing. So stop acting like I’m acting differently.”

“Tsk. You’re right. It’s terrible how we’re treating you. What would your chosson say?”

Well, I have a message for all the engaged people out there: we don’t care. You don’t have to act differently; you just are. You are officially out of the shidduch system, gone over to the other side, no longer one of us, and therefore, you aren’t accorded the same rights. You are engaged, and we will treat you accordingly.

Apparently, some formerly engaged people forget how irritating it was to be teased, and get in on the fun with the single people. I was screaming in conversation with a married friend at a wedding when an engaged friend passed by.

Married Friend: Hey, where you going?

Engaged Friend: To make a phone call.

Married Friend: (raises eyebrow) Making a phone call? To anyone special? (Draws out “spe-cial” in a significant way.)

Engaged Friend: Er… no. Nobody special.

Married Friend: (Smirking) Yes I’m sure: “Nobody” with a capital “N”. (wink wink nudge nudge)

Engaged Friend: (squeaky protest) No way! I mean I can’t – this is a borrowed phone and I don’t know his number by heart.

Married Friend: (mock shock) You don’t know his number yet?!

Engaged Friend: Why should I know it? It’s in my phone! (thoughtful) Though I really should call. We haven’t spoken yet today.

Married Friend: Haven’t spoken yet today?

Engaged Friend: Yeah – whenever he calls I’m busy –

Married Friend: You’re too busy to talk to your chosson? (feigned horror)

Engaged Friend: Well I’m either at work, or shopping—

Married Friend: Oh shopping! So, you’ve been doing a lot of shopping lately?

At this point, if I’d been Engaged Friend, I would have put Married Friend in a full Nelson and refused to let go until she promised to take a ta’anis dibur for 48 hours. The funnest part of the whole exchange was that Married Friend would have inverted the nose of anyone who’d tried anything like that on her when she was engaged. (Honestly, some people!) Kudos to Engaged Friend for taking it like a pro – hey, by now she probably is one.

And the best part of it all – she’s getting great practice for shana rishona. By the time she walks down the aisle she’ll be so good at grinning and bearing it she’ll be able to handle anything her husband can throw at her – be it a taste for fresh spinach or dirty socks.

We-ell… maybe almost anything.


13 thoughts on “How to be Engaged

  1. Ha ha- when my aunt was engaged all we did was talk about the wedding details for seven months straight.., I was bored stiff but figured- hey, anything for her. Came the night of the weding I didn’t even notice what color the flowers were. 🙂

  2. At least your engaged and newly married are just spacey and wedding-obsessed. In my world, they also tend to be *very* into “PDA’s” (public displays of affection). Nothing quite like being at a Shabbat meal and having two lovebirds making out at the table, feeding each other etc. Yes indeedy–a delight for all. Not.

    Have told my friends that, if I ever am in a relationship, and I turn into that, to please just take me out and shoot me.

  3. Yeah yeah, they all say that before they start getting engaged and making googoo eyes at each other… 😛

  4. “You don’t have to act differently; you just are. You are officially out of the shidduch system, gone over to the other side, no longer one of us, and therefore, you aren’t accorded the same rights. You are engaged, and we will treat you accordingly.”

    I couldn’t have said it better myself! I find it incredibly fascinating how quickly a girl can forget what its like to be at the other end and start doing exactly what she claimed she would never do! The good part is that I don’t have to worry about make anyone feel badly when I’m engaged cuz by then everyone will be long married…

  5. PUKE!

    Engaged people both ARE and ACT engaged.
    Not because I am jealous, but because I have better things to do w/my life, I NEVER ask to see the ring, hardly ask any other questions, except for when’s the wedding. If you ask nothing, they think you don’t care. They think you’re jealous.

    I had a broken engagement; while I was engaged, I didn’t announce it to every joe schmo I met in the street, I didn’t use my left hand excessively to show off my ring (I actually wore the diamond facing inward on many occasions, because I didn’t want people to notice and ask a million yentish questions), and when people ooohed and aahed I’d roll my eyes. What’s the big deal? People get engaged and married every day. I happened to have been one of them. It’s freakin life, people. “Is this the kallah???” I’d wanna run away. They cared nothing about what I was thinking or what I had to say (because most of it was NOT about my wedding), just what my dress looked like, blah blah blah.. If I was that mature at 18, imagine how much less I’ll enjoy the attn this time around IYH?!!

  6. B4S – but i don’t fit any of the other symptoms…
    I don’t have a bracelet or ring yet, i am certainly NOT giggly, i never promised to set anyone up, though we will certainly try once things settle down a bit, and i rarely speak about my chosson.

    but then again; most people never listen when you deny it….

  7. Pingback: Friday Repost: How to Be a Good NEF | Bad for Shidduchim

  8. Lol, adorable. I enjoy reading my old comments too and remembering that horrible time in my life. 🙂 (that sound so melodramatic)

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