I’m a Segula

Three times a charm – and the charm is me. I’m a segula for getting engaged. For all the bachelors out there eager to meet their intended, here’s what you gotta do: have someone suggest you to me, and make sure that you sound utterly wrong and poorly matched. Then, while I’m dragging my feet about approving the thing, you continue dating. When I finally say “yes,” you will be about to propose to someone else. Go ahead – propose. Congrats – you’re a groom.

This happened three times. The first time, it was a “he’s a nerd she’s a nerd” match; I knew as much about the guy as the shadchan did, and I knew it wasn’t gonna work. (Those to whom these labels apply can tell the difference between a nerd, a geek, and a dork, and we don’t mix the breeds. My taxonomy is actually “geek,” while his was “dork.”) While the shadchan argued with me fiercely over two months, the young fellow in question proposed, was accepted, and went on to get married. Not to me.

The second time it worked even faster. A shadchan had a lineup of three for me – I think it was every single guy she knew – and not all of them sounded the faintest bit promising. After death and taxes, one thing was certain, and that was that I wasn’t going to marry guy #2 or #3. Luckily, over the four weeks or so during which she was playing the usual telephone tag game, guy #2 got himself happily engaged, and happily off my list. I’m still waiting on #3. (I went out with #1, so he’s lost his chance.)

Time number three, it was “he’s a smartypants she’s a smartypants” match from the same shadchan as the first one. (Yes, she has a very one-dimensional impression of me. It doesn’t bode well for her matchmaking success.) I actually agreed to go out with the fellow, albeit grudgingly. Due to communication difficulties, it took almost a month to get my information over to his end, and within 14 more days, he’d singled out his bashert. Mazal tov and baruch Hashem.

So, line up guys. If we’re efficient about this, maybe I can marry a few of you off before Lag B’Omer.

35 thoughts on “I’m a Segula

  1. Before anyone asks – there are many different shitos of what the difference is between a nerd and a geek. I base my above classification on the following one:
    A nerd stays home from parties to do homework. A geek brings the homework to the party.

  2. I always say that I’m a segula – go out with me, and you’ll be engaged within a month or two to someone else.

  3. My sister used to say she was a segula, too–go out with her, get engaged to someone else not long after. Worked pretty well until she got married, too. 😛

  4. I’m a segulah too – if I invite you for Shabbos, you’ll get engaged before you have a chance to come. All are cordially invited. 🙂

  5. I’m a nerd. When I bother to party, it’s definitely with an eye towards staying away from work. But I guess I’m also a dork because of all the arcane knowledge floating around in my head.

    However B4S – I’ve always liked the Simpsons difference between Nerds and Geeks: “I’m not a nerd; nerds are smart”

  6. OMG you mean there are other ppl that have the same segula charms as me??? I always go around telling ppl that just being suggested to me is enough of a segula for them to get engaged shortly thereafter. Mazel tov to all of them and I’m still waiting for shadchanus…

  7. Unfortunately it’s necessary to date me before I become a segula – precious time and money wasted by all!

  8. Nice to know there are others like me out there, after you date me prepare to get engaged to the next person you go out with (I even had someone try to convince a guy to go out with me by saying that if I wasn’t the right one at least he knows the next one would be.) I think 9 out of the 12 guys I’ve been out were engaged within a month or two after dating me.

  9. so many people claiming to have a segula. So let me test it out! Come out for a drink of water, hopefully in a hotel lobby that you’ve been too many times before, we’ll chat and i’ll meet my One! What do you ladies say? 😛

  10. I’m the segula roommate, move in with me and you will be engaged within a year (most sooner)! Already married off 5 roommates in 4 years.

  11. I’m reading your first paragraph-and aside from the fact that we never met before (I think) – I’m convinced that you are writing about me!!**with a little twist- Very often, In my situations I’m interested from the beginning -no stalling on my end, everything sounds great, yet he’s busy or has a list.**(and they are not just saying it as an excuse, It’s really true)because the next thing I hear-just about 3 weeks later- he’s engaged). I tell people all the time- the biggest segula for a boy to get engaged is to redt me to him. It’s almost guaranteed that he’s going to get engaged to the next girl he dates!!

  12. Y’know, it would be really amusing if she was trying to get some very lucky guy on her blog to ask her out on a date or something like that so she could marry him.

    that would be very amusing.

    and everyone else she doesn’t want gets married, which of course is a yay.

  13. I don’t get your shitah about not mixing breeds. I’m in between geek and nerd (maybe there was a mix-up somewhere in my lineage…) but I don’t necessarily want to marry one of either. (definitely no dork, though) But who knows, it could work — so if you come across a nerd who isn’t geeky enough for you, send him on!

  14. Oh, and I’m an even more effective segula — most people get engaged as soon as I even think about thinking about them. Might explain why I have so few actual dates, but hey — get on the waiting list.

    Or maybe it’s just that I happen to be considering the most desireable young men?

  15. CG, or should I say Couldntbe Goodforshidduchim, we’ve got a file on you as thick as the briskers you supposedly have.

    This is your final warning.

    – The Shidduch Police
    (monitoring your every move, 24-7, for the good of the community)

  16. Actually no – I’ve never dated a Bestguyinlakewood. [blush/] I suppose It’s because my middle name isn’t Sospecial. But my friends seem to marry them with fair frequency, so I should probably give it a try one day.

  17. Ha, I’m a segula roommate, too. Then we named the disease ‘chatantenet’. Then I caught it. Yipes, I’m not supposed to say that.

    Here’s the taxonomy: geek- super smart and super doesn’t fit in.
    nerd- smart and doesnt fit in.
    dork- stupid and doesnt fit in.
    dweeb- really stupid and really doesnt fit in.

    I’m a nerd. 🙂

  18. Pingback: Friday Repost: Get Set Up with Me | Bad for Shidduchim

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