Shidduch Evaluation

I was sifting through my game cards when I came across this one:

“While talking to the shadchan, you notice her penciling “OK” next to “Appearance” and “short” next to height on her paper.”

Was wondering: did I make this one up, or did someone tell it to me? Has anyone ever had a shadchan evaluate them to their face?

21 thoughts on “Shidduch Evaluation

  1. I met one who called a mutual cousin before i went to meet and she had a full page of info before i even came in, even my size! (i saw it)

  2. yeah actually. he wasnt rude about it though. when i walked in, i handed him my resume, and he spent a few minutes looking it over, than asked me questions on things he wanted m eto clarify. (the truth is, my “resume” is pretty thorough, so he didnt have much to ask) i sw him make adjustments to what i wrote as my height. then he took notes on what i was telling him, but i couldnt read them. im pretty sure they were nuetral though.
    i have had women who profess to make shidduchim in shul who when they would ask me what im looking for, look at me and say “good luck. such boys dont exist” then walk away.
    how is that for helpfull!

  3. Absolutely.

    It was the only time I went to meet a ‘professional’ (which was bec a friend told me she was different, and by different I mean normal) and it very much impressed me.

    I would much rather have someone lay out for me what their impressions are before they start trying to “fix me up”. What better way for all involved to know if everyone is on the same page?

  4. I was actually visually evaluated last night and was asked what body type I consider mine to be – I said healthy and normal.

    My mother has been known to hang up on Shadchans that ask my dress size, she finds it offensive. I can understand asking for a “build” but is anyone larger than a size 6 going to admit it to a stranger?

  5. By no means am I coming to defend the practice of asking for dress sizes, but…the reason such questions exist is because of standard practice of lying when comes to shidduchim.

    Getting concrete objective info is one of the only ways to hold the person setting you up accountable.

    –again, there are better ways of going about this.

  6. I think the objection is for the need to know the waistline size, not the request for a dress number specifically. Most girls don’t ask about the girth of guys before they go out… at least, I don’t think so. Anyone want to confirm that?

  7. Hello my friend recently got a call about a girl,,,,, and she was asked what the girls measurements are,,,,, so she was like um shes pretty tall like 5’7ish… so the lady was like noooo…. not those measurements… would u ever believe this mother wanted the bust measurements how grosssss!! and u cud be sure, the son is shteiging in BMG and this is whats important!!

  8. What is wrong with that mother–isn’t she even embarrassed to ask that type of question??

    Years ago a woman called me about a girl from seminary–her only real concern was that she heard the girl was heavy and really we spent the whole conversation going in circles:

    Mother: I heard she’s very heavy. How would you describe her weight?
    Me: Well, I haven’t seen her in a year. She was on a diet and lost a lot of weight over the year in seminary.
    Mother: Would you say she’s overweight by over 20 pounds?
    Me: I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in a year and she was on a diet in seminary and had lost a lot of weight over the year.
    Mother: But is she very heavy?
    Me: I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in a year and she was on a diet….
    Mother: Well, it is important since she lives very far away and it would involve paying for an expensive airline ticket, you know!
    Me: I really don’t know….

    Finally she gave up.

  9. “What is wrong with that mother–isn’t she even embarrassed to ask that type of question??”

    Don’t be silly. She’s just making sure her grandkids won’t go hungry.

  10. Most girls don’t ask about the girth of guys before they go out… at least, I don’t think so.

    Could be, so what?

    Guys are different than girls…this is news???

  11. From my experience, both men and women have different requirements which appear superficial to the opposite gender. Women complain about what men want and men complain about what women want. I think the healthy approach is to acknowledge this fact and accept it rather than take offense.

  12. married guy……… i hope you are joking!! Get a life……… theres always similac and matrona…..

  13. G, if we didn’t turn a blind eye to some things about guys, we’d never be able to marry them. So in-your-face reminders naturally aren’t popular. We reserve the right to be indignant – it perpetuates the nice fuzzy belief that wanting a specific dress size is somehow an anomaly. Just explaining – girls are like that, kind of how guys are like that.

  14. 4, 8, 9- that’s sickening.

    For more sickening stories, read Dr. Michael J. Salamon’s book, “The shidduch Crisis.”

    It’s an excellent comprehensive look at the shidduchworld today.If you think you’ve seen it all…. you haven’t!

  15. Starr (#9)
    I know you meant well, but this idiotic woman probably was already doing calculations once you said she was on a diet. Regardless of anything, once she heard she was heavy, and you didn’t completely deny it, it was probably over for her.
    That woman seems the type to look at the girl’s mother to see if she’s heavy.

    Oh, and also, a woman was at my house complaining that her daughter was “big” and repeatedly asked me what I thought of her daughter, since she felt she was being denied shidduchim because of it, and it had gotten back to her that she had been rejected for being “big.” Her daughter was certainly broad, but by no means “fat.” She was built. That’s what I told her. Sure enough, two months later the kid was engaged. And, yes, she’s about three years my junior.

  16. Not to condone any of this, but as far as what girls ask for: guys’ height. For some, also their job. Perhaps being picky about weight is seen to be the most animalistic, and therefore inappropriate and insulting, but (maybe on a smaller scale) girls (and their moms) are also picky. It’s gotten to the point where ppl in shidduchim won’t believe your height description.

  17. Height I read ya. Job? Job choice says a lot about a person. That’s not shallow. Income, you have an argument.

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