Do I Look Obsessed to You?

I never cease to be amazed by the things people tell me about myself based on my blog alone, not all of them very gratifying. The most common assumption, you will be amazed to hear, is that I’m shidduch-obsessed. People presume that just because I post something with near daily frequency on the subject of shidduchim it means I think about little else. I can’t say I follow this line of reasoning. It seems to me that, if anything, I’m obsessed with posting about shidduchim on a near daily basis, which is a very silly obsession when you put it that way, but only slightly more harmful than an obsession with shoes, and far less expensive. Dating obsessed? I don’t think any aspect of dating has ever kept me awake at night, but then again, that’s an unfair test because very little does. If I’m not in Never-Never Land by 11:15 then it’s a late night. I did once crawl out of bed and grope for pen and paper when I thought of a better way to phrase a sentence for a post, but that was a long time ago. I’m on a 12-step plan and proceeding nicely.

I still dare not tap out the words ”I am not shidduch obsessed” because people will just laugh. Instead, I will attempt to demonstrate true shidduch obsession as displayed in the people around me.

This conversation has occurred too many times in various permutations:

She: So, anything happening?

Me: Nah, how’s things with you?

She: Really? Nothing?

Me: Well, I bought a pair of shoes yesterday. Is that a headline?

She: Very funny – you know what I mean.

Me: I thought I did but now I’m just confused.

She: I mean are you busy? You know…

Me: Course I’m busy. It’s vacation!

The first few times this happened I was completely baffled until she stopped using euphemisms, but now I cruelly string such people along until they just admit ”I’m asking nosy questions about your dating life.”

Then there’s the ol’ “Hey I called last night and you didn’t answer.”

”I was at a bar mitzvah.”

“Oh, that’s all?”

I long ago learned not to use the phrase ”going out” to mean ”leaving home for some other venue,” and that ”a date” with girlfriends must be immediately specified as such. I have stumbled many times in such matters because I do not immediately assume that all excitement in my life should be tied to dating. Sometimes, holding this view feels a little like ordering a steak in Berkeley, California. People think you’re very weird and even a bit degenerate.

And don’t forget those conversations where you mention enjoying something random like “I love making radish-seed necklaces while hanging from a tree by my knees,” and someone’s eyes go wide as they say, “We’ll have to find you someone who likes that too,” and they immediately become intrigued by the challenge while nodding knowingly about your persistently single status. Not only should such people be blacklisted from shadchanus, but they should be gagged at social events to prevent them from ruining conversations. I mean – we were talking about the elevated art of making radish-seed necklaces. Do they have to drag the tone down by discussing my non-existent love life?

Once, when I complained to a group of friends that we couldn’t seem to get together without discussing dating, one quipped, “All roads lead to shidduchim.” She compared it to 12th grade where people seem incapable of speaking about anything but seminary.

But that isn’t true. I rarely found myself in seminary-oriented conversations in 12th grade. Maybe because people were trying to tip-toe around my supposed grief at not having been accepted anywhere – or maybe not. Whatever the reason, the people around me then didn’t seem to have seminary on the brain in quite the same way that people have shidduchim on the brain now.

It seems that some people, when they look at me, don’t see Bad4, they see A Single Girl. But honest, folks – when I look in the mirror, I don’t see A Single Girl at all. I just see a single girl – me. (Unless my evil twin is behind me making faces.) And that’s why I think about tons of non-shidduch-related things throughout the day (and night): growing spinach, eating durian monthong, tutoring earth science, Shakespeare on the Run, melting curves for DNA, arranging bridal showers, planning road trips, reading good books, roller blading/bicycling, keeping up with married friends, posting on BadforShidduchim, buying shoes, dating clothes, visiting shadchanim, checking out guys, preparing for dates, going on them, recovering afterwards…

Obsessed? You gotta be kidding.

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28 thoughts on “Do I Look Obsessed to You?

  1. I hope you don’t mind some praise: You are really, really funny ! This is arguably the most sophisticated humor I’ve come across yet in my travels through the J-Blogosphere. Your insights into dating life are sheer genius; I really love the twist you give to everything. As a single yeshiva guy, I appreciate getting the girl’s perspective on things.
    Thanks !

  2. The humor is so well-developed and expressed, it really is refreshing to read posts like this from a New York girl (that is where Bad4 is from, right ?), I guess not all of you are black-clad airheads who I wind up sitting behind on the bus, talking loudly about something ridiculously unimportant. There are still normal, thinking girls out there. Now to find one…

  3. I believe Bad4 is currently accepting resumes. You can submit yours by submitting a comment that says “email me please” with your email included in the comment form. Your email will not be publicly shared.

    Give it a shot. You never know!

  4. It seems that some people, when they look at me, don’t see Bad4, they see A Single Girl.

    Funny, the other day I looked in the mirror and saw Erachet. And, I mean, really Erachet. Instead of my real name.

  5. CG- Bad4 is accepting resumes for graphic design interns, no?

    Jerusalem Jew- please please please- no!!!! Don’t say the same exact things I used to say until I grew a little bit smarter. I understand that maybe those girls are not for you, but PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, don’t mock them until you get to know them. Most of my friends are those black clad type (although I never sat down to make a precise evaluation) and I’ve come to realize that believe it or not, the Bell curve of intelligent vs non-intelligent people runs along the gamut of every faction of human society. Jews, non Jews, 21st century, 18th centuy, Brooklyn. You can put forth a very convincing arguement that different communities are less “stupid” than others- I would probably agree, but from the little bit of experience that I have, you can only measure people according to the standards of where they come from. One person might be considered very intelligent and open-minded in one community but terribly backward in another. Trust me- happens all the time. 🙂 Objectively, you’re right- but remember that you have to take into account the place where people are coming from. It’s impossible to judge.

    Erachat- lol! When I was kid we used to write to the actors of Harry Potter under non-Jewish pseudonyms, and broke our heads trying to remember which names we’d used for various members of the family.

  6. Who’s the graphic designer here? In any case, my hunch is that behind the tough rhetoric sits a nice Bais-Yaakov special-therapist looking for a choshuva yeshivah guy.

  7. CG- whoops. Sorry- I didn’t realize you were talking about shidduch resumes. (I don’t know why it just went past me- I guess I’m not shidduch obsessed, eh, Bad4? 😉 )

    As for the second part of your statement, I’ll let Bad4 answer that…. 🙂

  8. Graphic designers? B4S, you KNOW where to find a graphic designer! I am totally offended to hear that you’re accepting resumes from others.

    And you EAT durians? I didn’t know that was possible. Are they for eating, after all? Interesting use for a sweet fruit, no?
    The rest of this post, though, totally rings true for me. And I love playing around with the “Nu, what’s doing?” people. Ok, ok, I know — I’m starved for entertainment. What can I do if my friends run off to SOTR without me…

    B~M

  9. Hysterical! Especially the part about ordering a steak in Berkeley! My hometown…did you hear about the tree people? The university wants to cut down an old native amaerican oak grove. So some save the trees types of people are now living in the trees in order to protect them. One woman who was pregnant came down to have her baby and then leaving her baby behind, went back up to live in the trees!

  10. M – Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for judging people favorably. Obviously, they are innocent victims of a society that is placing increased value on physical, emotional, and intellectual conformism. I don’t judge their characters, I merely noted that their dress and deportment indicate to me that I probably do not want to spend the rest of my life in their constant company.

    CG – Yeah right, I’ll write my address. These comments submit automatically,this blog is not moderated, so how will the email not come up ? Stam Fadichot,as we say in J-town.

  11. Erachet: What does Erachet look like? Much different than the usual girl in the mirror? That can get freaky…

    Anon – I don’t understand: she couldn’t take her baby with her into the tree? Do any other mammals abandon their babies like that? I tell ya – humans are such terrible creatures… 😉 …ROFL!

    CG – you know, that form of communication is for more general purposes as well. 😛

    Black clad? Check.
    Special? So they tell my dates.
    Therapist? ‘Fraid not. I should be so clever to choose a field like that.

  12. Bad4- I suspect she meant special as in special education. Don’t get so high on your horses now. 🙂

    J-Jew- I suppose you’re right. I prefer to stuff it all under the rug and say its ok, which honestly was a reaction to being overly critical and negative about society, but that was fair enough.

  13. Sorry, that was me: M/Mindy.

    I just wanted to clarify that what I meant was that I myself used to be overly critical and negative about society, and now I bend over backwards to exonerate it.

  14. It’s not you that’s obsessed. It’s society as a whole.
    Once people find out that i’m not 16 as I appear to be, “so, nuu, what are you looking for?” begins.

  15. Yeah Berkeleys a preety nutty place. My sis and I were talking about the women who abandoned her baby and what type of issues the kid will be discussing with his psychologist. Can you imagine? “My mom left me for a tree!” How sad! In fact one of the ppl in the trees claimed to have married a tree-another solution to end the shidduch crisis….There are plenty of tall, dark and handsome trees to go around!

  16. Anon- that’s exactly what one of my teachers in high school said: “If you want to marry someone tall, dark and handsome, go marry a tree!” I guess they make em good in California! 😉

  17. you should also post about those other interests. i don’t read this as frequently bc all of this shidduch talk is getting old.

  18. Pingback: Friday Repost: My Busy Life | Bad for Shidduchim

  19. Pingback: Friday Repost: Who You Calling Obsessed? | Bad for Shidduchim

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