Chinese Delinquents Solve Shidduch Crisis

We all know that China has a one-child policy aimed to reduce their overpopulation, right? And that tradition values males above females, right? Which is why there are currently 37 million more males than females in China today.

Does anyone see what I see? Or what Anon saw, when she sent me the link to this article. China has a whole lot of men competing for a very limited number of women. The orthodox community has (supposedly) a whole lot of women competing for a limited number of men. Let’s convert the men, ship the women to China, and viola! Shidduch crisis solved.

Who’s volunteering for the pilot program?

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23 thoughts on “Chinese Delinquents Solve Shidduch Crisis

  1. Interesting to note that the gezeirah in the Midbar was for the men to die, not the women – so this problem has been going on for some 3300 years . . . and yet we’ve still continued to thrive as a people. I guess this is not a new problem, and yet G-d has been taking care of it all this time, why should we doubt that He would do anything different now?

  2. I blogged about this on my blog a while back, here. Two of the commenters mention the Chinese male overpopulation problem.

    And BSD35678- Back in the time when we were in the wilderness, polygamy was allowed, so perhaps that’s how they solved the problem back then.

  3. heard this is old but i’ve never seen it b4
    The Offical Shidduch Resume

    (FOR GIRLS)
    Name:_______________ Nick name:________________
    Age:________________ Screen name:________________
    DOB:_______________ Sign:__________________
    Place of Birth:
    City:________________ State:______________ Country:__________
    Hospital:_______________ Doctor:_______________ Midwife:_______________
    Height:
    With heels on:_______________
    Without heels on:________________
    Weight:
    Before sister’s wedding:______________
    After sister’s sheva brachos:_______________
    Color Eyes:
    With contact lenses:____________ Without contact lenses:_________
    Religious Affiliation:
    A. Jewish:
    ( ) FFB (Frum From Birth)
    ( ) BT
    ( ) OT
    ( ) Out of towner
    ( ) Regular orthodox
    ( ) Modern orthodox
    B. Education: Please star * anything that was co-ed
    a) Playgroup:_____________
    Preschool:_____________
    c) Elementary School:______________
    d) High School:_____________
    e) If you did not attend a Bais Ya’akov High School, please write a 500 word essay why. (You may attach additional paper to the back of this
    resume).
    f) Day Camp:_____________
    g) Sleep-away Camp:_______________
    h) Seminary:_______________
    *Why davka this one__________________________________________________.
    *Was this your first choice? Were you rejected from any seminaries and if yes, please
    specify:_____________________________________________________________.
    GETTING PERSONAL:
    1) So, who really is the prettiest girl in Bais Ya’akov Monsey?_________________.
    2) Are you really a hocker??
    Check if you have any of these:
    ___ # of cellphone(s)
    ___ # beeper(s)
    ___ # of blowdrier(s)
    ___ Type of car(s)
    ___ VCR/DVD
    ___ TV
    ___ computer with email
    ___ computer with internet
    ___ computer with Koshernet
    3) Did you ever have a crush on a boy in Miami Boy’s Choir?
    No____ Yes_____ (If yes, please specify # and which ones) ____________________________________
    THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS MAY SEEM A BIT UNUSUAL, HOWEVER, PROFESSIONAL SHADCHANIM KNOW WHAT REALLY DETERMINES A GIRL’S CHARACTER.
    4) What midda really defines your character? _____________________.
    5) What do you do to relax?
    A. Eat
    B. Get you nails/hair done
    C. Go shopping
    D. Talk on the phone
    E. Say Tehillim
    F. Design your wedding gown
    6) How much food do you need to be satisfied?
    A. One slice of pizza, french fries or onion rings and a diet coke
    B. Half a burger or hotdog
    C. Salad, salad, and more salad
    D. 3 Chalav Yisrael Hershey Kisses
    E. Satisified? Never, I’m on a diet!
    7) What are your eyebrows like?
    A. I wax once a month
    B. So thick I have to tweeze every-other night
    C. Very sparse, I need to color them in
    D. Non-existent is in, didn’t you see the latest cover of Seventeen?
    8) During the Oscar’s, you are:
    A. Doing chesed to counter-act the tumah
    B. Watching for tips
    C. Watching ER
    D. The Oscar’s, what’s that?
    9) Are your suits:
    A. Long jacket, long skirt
    B. Long jacket, short skirt
    C. Short jacket, long skirt
    D. Short jacket, short skirt (and how short?)
    E. Suits, me? I go casual; denim skirt, Gap sweatshirt
    10) How often do you buy a new Shabbos robe?
    A. Once a year
    B. Every time I see one I like
    C. Whenever they go on sale
    D. Twice in a life time (Bas-Mitzva and wedding IY”H)
    11) How many outfits do you go through on Shabbos?
    A. 1-3
    B. 3-5
    C. I don’t get dressed
    12) How much time do you spend doing your hair before a date?
    A. I don’t, a ponytail is good enough for me
    B. 10 minutes
    C. 20-40 minutes
    D. 60+ minutes
    13) What do you use to do your hair?
    A. Brush only
    B. Blowdrier
    C. Straightner/Curler
    D. Gel/Mouse
    E. All of the above
    14) What brand of make-up do you use?
    A. My mother doesn’t let me wear make-up
    B. Whatever is on sale at Target
    C. Mary Kay
    D. Clinique/Lancome/Estee Lauder/MAC
    15) What would you buy with a $100 gift certificate to Macy’s?
    A. New make-up
    B. Third pair of Shabbos shoes
    C. Lingerie
    D. Macy’s chas veshalom! I only shop at Brenda’s!
    E. The skirt I saw Miriam wear last week
    FAMILY MATTERS:
    16) What kind of table cloth does you family use?
    A. Disposable
    B. Pink with lace
    C. Classic white
    17) What does your family serve for Oneg Shabbos?
    A. What Oneg Shabbos? We’re all on diets!
    B. Only Pashkes and Liebers
    C. For those over 16- diet coke, 15 and under- fruit punch
    D. Dried fruit
    E. Nosh is only for those who clear the table
    18) What’s your retail value on the market? $$$__________
    19) What time do you daven Shacharis Sunday morning?
    A. Neitz, I’m usually up anyways
    B. I set my alarm for an hour before zman kriyas shema
    C. My mother wakes me 5 minutes before chatzot
    D. Shacharis Sunday morning?!
    20) What is your monthly phone bill usually like? ______________
    21) What’s your favorite page in a yearbook?
    A. Baby pictures, they’re just sooo cute!
    B. Divrei Torah
    C. Class pictures
    D. Jokes and memories
    E. Family pictures of girls with older brothers
    22) When you see those chocolates on the coffee table, do you:
    A. Begin drooling, but remember your bathing suit is only a size 4
    B. Count calories
    C. If itโ€™s PMS time, I’ll grab the whole box
    D. I will not succumb to this great taiva
    23) What do you do if your date opens the car door for you?
    A. Look down, I’m makpid on shmiras einayim (no eye contact)
    B. Run back into my house and call the shadchan
    C. I say thank you, and get in
    D. Blush and get in silently
    24) What’s your favorite dating spot?
    A. Lounge
    B. Lounge
    C. Lounge
    D. Other??? Couldn’t come up with any!
    25) If your older brother has a friend over for lunch, you:
    A. Look down the whole meal
    B. Blush when he asks you to pass the cholent
    C. Talk about politics
    D. Have an animated conversation until your father asks you to clear the table
    E. Eat at your friend’s
    26) What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on a date?
    A. My mascara shmeared
    B. My hair frizzed in the rain
    C. He forgot my name
    D. Too many quiet moments
    E. When I sat down, my skirt went above my knees
    F. Met too many of our ex-dates in the lounge
    27) Why do you feel you are ready for marriage?
    A. My parents are forcing me
    B. I want a baby
    C. I just came back from sem, a true kalah maidel
    D. I can whip up a whole Shabbos in 3 hours
    E. All my friends are
    28) What does it take for a boy to get on your list:
    A. One phone call, I’m 20, an alta kakah
    B. 4 phone calls from prominent rabbanim
    C. Money makes things move pretty quickly
    D. He has to be my mother’s cousin’s sister’s mother-in-law’s best friend’s son
    E. If he attends the Mir
    F. A blue eyed stud who knows how to dress
    29) What do you feel is your supreme sacrifice for Torah?
    A. Living on a kollel salary
    B. Letting your husband learn half a day
    C. Eating out only once a week
    D. Driving a Camry (not a Mercedes or Rolls)
    E. Doing my nails myself
    30) Why do you think you should be chosen above everyone else?
    A. I throw really cool parties
    B. I wear a size 4
    C. I have great yichus
    D. I can talk on the phone while mopping the floor and holding the screaming baby
    E. I have a great personality, real modest
    F. My grandparents left me a huge trust fund
    31) What kind of engagement ring are you looking for:
    A. A plain band
    B. A nice 1 carat diamond
    C. A big diamond surrounded by emeralds
    D. I’ll take what I can get
    E. Anything from Tiffany’s or Cartier
    I, _____________________ promise that everything I have answered above is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Please help me Hashem.
    SIGNATURE: ____________________

  4. This one I have heard but was too good 2 pass up

    the job of a (whisper) shadchan

    The poor man replies, “I never interfere in my son’s life.”

    The shadchan responds, “But the girl is Lord Rothschild’s daughter.”

    “Well, in that case…”

    Next, the shadchan approaches Lord Rothschild. “I have a husband for your daughter.”

    “But my daughter is too young to marry.”

    “But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank.”

    “Ah, in that case…”

    Finally, the shadchan goes to see the president of the World Bank.

    “I have a young man to recommend to you as a vice president.”

    “But I already have more vice presidents than I need.”

    “But this young man is Lord Rothschild’s son-in-law.”

    “Ah, in that case….”

  5. Hey, Bad4, if I get a free trip to China, I might discover a repressed liking for short, squat, yellow men…

    On second thought, scratch that. I’ll be the Kiruv Rebetzin and clearing the way for the other lucky ones.

  6. Ha Ha! Mindy if I get a free trip I want to be first on the Shidduch list!

    Just too many jokes…..

  7. I’ll try to keep an eye out but you know how it is these days… The girls keep knocking my door down, it’s mamash a catastrophe! Ibarely have time to interview the men!!

  8. By the way, you know that in China, there are around 20 000 girls who are just just unrecorded, but actually do exist? Pathetic…

  9. Pingback: My Solutions to the Shidduch Crisis « Bad for Shidduchim

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