Another Word Lost

I was heartily amused while attending a wedding in Shidduchville last night. It was the wedding of my Shidduchville correspondent, actually.

Many people suffer the misconception that Shidduchville is Brooklyn. If this were true, I would hardly need a correspondent!

Anyway, as usual, all the bride’s friends sat together, some working on their first child, some still enjoying the easy styling of their sheitels, and some of us, being, um, single.

I whisper it, because it’s not nice to mention it in public. It isn’t… delicate, I guess. I just learned this at the wedding. A woman was making her way around the table, speaking to all the single girls. That included me, of course. She was talking about segulos that “help the process along” and that have been proven to “speed things up” and so on and so forth. If anyone is interested, try saying the entire Tehillim 3x a week with no interruptions whatsoever. The woman said that it married my Shidduchville correspondent off; I have to confirm that with the source one of these days. You think you know a person, and then you find out that they’ve been saying the entire Tehillim three times a week.

Anyway, I let her go on, moving along to many other segulos that “might be helpful” because I was admiring the finesse with which she managed to conduct the entire monologue without ever mentioning being single, shidduchim, marriage, or dating. It was true artistry. This woman missed her calling in rhetoric.

Very likely, she was worried that mentioning my single status would make me burst into tears. I appreciate her delicacy. I hope it does not become the norm. Perhaps, for the desperate girls of Shidduchville, being single at a wedding is a tearful occasion. But I can’t help but think that it’s like when a little kid falls down, looks at his mother, and if she’s full of concern and comfort, immediately starts crying. If people cue singles to be hypersensitive, we’re bound to play along. (Just look at the girls of Shidduchville.) Instead, you ought to laugh, go “oopsie!” and try to convince us that nothing happened, and it’s just a scratch.

Chin up, me brave lassies. It’s ok that you’re – well, you know – um, still –

…I just haven’t got the talent for this delicacy. YOU’RE SINGLE! I HOPE YOU CAN HANDLE THIS SETBACK CUZ LIFE IS FULL OF THEM.

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16 thoughts on “Another Word Lost

  1. yeah, that over sensitivity spills over in so many other facets…
    until i got pregnant, there were so many times where ppl had such heightened sensitivities to my unpregnant status and would shush eachother every time someone mentioned their baby. ok, it might have been better than talking about nursing and pampers all day long, but the absence of that normal discussiion was just… abnormal.

    chill everyone. not everyone is a fragile as you expect.

  2. yeah, that over sensitivity spills over in so many other facets…
    until i got pregnant, there were so many times where ppl had such heightened sensitivities to my unpregnant status and would shush eachother every time someone mentioned their baby. ok, it might have been better than talking about nursing and pampers all day long, but the absence of that normal discussiion was just… abnormal.

    chill everyone. not everyone is a fragile as you expect.

  3. Bad4, you’re awesome 🙂
    As usual, you hit it on the nail. Very astute to point out that the word “single” has become taboo. It’s so true, it’s nauseating. I have my own thoughts on those segulos…don’t start me on it.

    Anon, good example. I see that all the time. I even feel like that with my nieces and nephews who don’t have any. But then I realized, even if they DO have it, it’s annoying when I talk about them, so I try to as little as possible.

  4. I actually hate weddings…precisely because I am single. However, you are right–a major reason I tend to get so mental about it is because society has us all believing that being single is the ultimate tragedy.

    Suffice it to say that three years in Tel Aviv has done me a world of good. 🙂

  5. for all you singles out there, be happy you’re not married to the wrong person. thats all i have to say about that. little is said about that in shidduchville. there are so many taboos its hard to keep track of them, but this one is one worth keeping in mind. and as an aside, i fully agree with one of the posters – not all singles are as miserable as everyone else would like them to be…

  6. I guess I will have to start using euphemisms for my… um… available socks from now on 😉
    Seriously, though, this is how stigmas start… first there’s a “crisis,” which then becomes unmentionable, and before you know it that translates into unworthy of mention.

  7. I think more things are becoming less taboo in our circle. Or whatever jewish circle or square you may be in. Way more unhappy marriages end now than they did decades ago. Unless, anon II you have a lot of friends in unhappy situations that they don’t want to talk about…
    But yea, bad4, the people who are trying to help singles are I think some of the ones who have created the problem they say exists (??). THEY make a big fuss over the horrors of being single, so they spread it around…But I have to say, the single girls at the weddings I go to all look great, and don’t seem about to burst into tears. I am sure it is very difficult for them and at home they may break down, but they have wonderful composure especially in the face of unhelpful women and their hurtful comments.
    Stay Strong!

  8. It gets even worse when you have a younger sister who’s entering the “maarket”. People are terrified to say anything to you, and then they give your sister the most sympathetic looks ever.

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