Singles Event?

Somehow, I wound up on the Gateways singles list. I was a tad surprised to get a phone call and an invitation to their pre-Chanukah event. I mean, how’d they find out about me? It’s not like they can sniff out singles the way spammers collect email addresses or telemarketers get phone numbers. We’re a market with a very high turnover rate.
Do they maybe employ Gestapo-like tactics, asking neighbors to snitch on neighbors, passing along information about new and aging singles sighted nearby? Or are there secret agents creeping behind the line of cars, flitting from lamppost to lamppost, eying hairlines and looking for wedding bands?
In lieu of a do-not-call list, should we be wearing 25-cent diamond rings to thwart the Women in Black?
Not that I minded the call. I mean, aside from being startled to get a call from someone I don’t know inviting me to a party at someone else I don’t know, and so on. After a moment’s consideration, I realized that I’d never been to a singles event, and a pre-Chanukah party will be fun – especially if I meet people I know there. We’ll eye each other somewhat embarrassedly across the shmorg, like two old friends meeting each other at an AA meeting. And of course, a single these days must always be on the lookout for new, single friends. They go very fast, crisis or not.
Plus there’s the speaker’s topic for the night, “Dating from the Boy’s Perspective” which sounds like a load of laughs.
Sadly, (oh the irony) a friend is getting married that night – well, not sadly, but you know what I mean – and I can’t attend. But if anyone wants to go undercover (and I mean any single women, undercover men strictly prohibited), let me know.

26 thoughts on “Singles Event?

  1. That is the most tempting thing I have ever heard. I think I just might do it, and believe me – no one is more surprised to hear that than little ol’ me. Will jbodner care that I’m crashing?

  2. hey… why couldn’t you tell me about this a week ago… then I could’ve pushed off getting engaged for some fun…

  3. That happened to me, the year after seminary. Except that the event was for men and women aged 21-40, I think, so I thought it would be a tad weird for a 19-year-old to go to event where she could meet men twice her age ::shudder::.

  4. Hey Bad4 — I just put up a post and am very curious to hear your response, particularly in light of your past posts about roving shadchanim and the like.

  5. the event is Wednesday, the 17th, at 7:30pm, location: 2202 Ave J (between E.22 and 23rd)
    You need to RSVP ASAP, to jbodner[at]gatewaysonline[dotcom]. Let me know how it goes.

    is all of that easily attainable, for the public info…’cause if not…

  6. G – Presumably, if they’re collecting names and calling anyone and everyone, they want as many people as possible… And if I’m wrong, oh well.

    It’s a girl-only event, but there are shadchanim who are attending. That’s the singles part of it. I mean, aside from the fact that singles only are invited.

  7. they want as many people as possible… And if

    -they may want only a certain demographic at this event

    if I’m wrong, oh well.

    -nice approach

  8. G – I can say with certainty that they aren’t looking for a specific demographic, as my sister was called. Who has nothing to do with Gateways. And lives in Milwaukee. And is 16.

  9. they aren’t looking for a specific demographic, as my sister was called.

    –irrelevant

    Who has nothing to do with Gateways.

    –irrelevant

    And lives in Milwaukee.

    –irrelevant

    And is 16.

    –okay…maaaybe I’ll give you that one:)

  10. I’m confused. What’s the point of a singles event that’s only for females?!?

    I think it has to do with a grant they received.
    Something about taging them and releasing them back into the wild to study dating/mating habits in their natural environment.

  11. I’m confused. What’s the point of a singles event that’s only for females?!?
    You’re one step ahead of me. At this point in the comment thread, I’m just confused, but I’m not sure why.

    I think it has to do with a grant they received.
    Something about taging them and releasing them back into the wild to study dating/mating habits in their natural environment.

    ROFL! Oh I wish I could go. I’ve always wanted a radio collar! (My parents want me to have one too, actually…) Why do tigers get all the cool stuff?!

  12. Something about taging them and releasing them back into the wild to study dating/mating habits in their natural environment.

    Man, I bet the people giving the grant have NO idea how much more they’re going to have to give… but it’ll certainly be something they’ve never seen before.

  13. In lieu of a do-not-call list, should we be wearing 25-cent diamond rings to thwart the Women in Black?
    Ha ha!!
    I did hear that in a certain yeshiva, only married women are allowed in on Purim night . . . so girls borrow rings and/or wear tichels (maybe headbands too?) to get in. Yuck.

  14. I am writing in as a “success story” of one of these events.

    I attended a mixed version of one of these gatherings. I was 22 at the time, and had a few dates lined up, but a friend of mine was running the show and he was begging me to come to fill up the room. That is probably how most people get to these things. Persistent begging. But in your case, it was probably just a well-meaning family friend who gave your name, hoping that she could be the first link to your eternal happiness. Anyway I went and as they say the rest is history.

    Still not proud of it, and still dont advocate these things but then again, here I am married so go figure….

  15. Still not proud of it, — why not?
    and still dont advocate these things — why not?
    but then again, here I am married so go figure…. — Great! Isn’t that the goal? So what’s the problem? I must be missing something.

  16. My feelings have nothing to do with “how it is done”. I am not a fan of the system, but I guess it works on some level so we carry on with it. I also don’t think “singles events” are the way to go. They have a certain stigma, which I must say I agree with on most occasions. The people going are the ones who are “desperate” and “old” (for lack of better terms, not to be condescending). Of course this is a stereotype fueled by the system, that only “desperate” and “old” people get invited to these things. I would much rather tell people I met my wife at a bar over a couple of beers, and suffer their condescending looks, than tell someone I met her at a singles event.

    Why must they be called singles events? What is wrong with getting a group of people together, everyone invites 2 friends, and you meet at a bar. Yes, that is what I said. An honest to goodness real bar. Find a quiet one, give the owner a couple of bucks to have it to yourself for the evening and show up. No fliers, emails, phone calls, grand announcements of a singles event to address the shidduch crisis. If it was more informal, and laid back then there would be much less pressure on people and I guarantee that not only would people even enjoy themselves, but you may actually get a shidduch or three out of the deal. Take names and phone numbers on the way out, and have people call you afterwards with people they are interested in. This avoids the whole “hanging out” situation, while retaining the shidduch feel, and removing the blind date awfulness.

    Thats my feelings on the situation. The problem is that there is still a significant number of people who feel that the only way to meet someone is through a shadchan and a blind date. It is because of that, rather large group that the system will not be overhauled. Because it desperately needs an overhaul.

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