This ‘toon here (thanks, Ez), reminded me of a post I’ve been thinking of now and then. It’s short and simple and doesn’t take much writing, so here goes.

venn-diagramE is an old friend of mine from way back. We share some friends, also from way back. We also both have many friends we don’t share.

This diagram is of each of our pools of friends coming out of seminary. Blue stands for friends who are single. Green stands for friends who are married. If it isn’t clear yet, most of my friends are married, and those that aren’t, for the most part, are also E’s friends. E has many other single friends. Which makes me wonder – is E a segula for staying single?

It should be noted that E is happily married herself.

Now, E belongs to a (this is painful, but sometimes labels are useful) more modern community. So do many of her (non-mutual) friends. This would suggest (from within our sample, which is obviously not random) that certain communities have a larger shidduch crisis.ย  But our mutual friends, for the most part, are more to my end of things. This could suggest that E attracts weird, messed-up people who are incapable of forging long-term bonds with members of the opposite gender. Or wonderful people too ‘special’ to be easily appreciated. Or… or…

I don’t know, but it sure is weird.

12 thoughts on “Diagrams

  1. I’m “E” that bad 4 is refering to and I’m almost 23… I got married at 19 but I only have two married friends. And plenty of my friends are not modern, bad 4 being a case in point. Go figure. What am I doing to these girls?

  2. since E is married, it sounds more like knowing you is a segula for getting (other) people married ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Or perhaps the more modern are OKAY with being single at (21? 22?) and don’t consider it a crisis.
    They aren’t being thrust into marriages at the ripe old age of 18 so that they don’t G-d forbid pass their 21st birthday w/o a ring on their fingers.

  4. Holy bacteria-in-a-petri-dish, Batman! The shidduch “crisis” is clearly more acute in the “modern” community. Bad4, thank your lucky stars you’re in the correct petri dish.

  5. Good question. If they are unhappy, they could be bemoaning a perceived lack of quality men to date, not a lack of available men . . .

  6. My point is only that they’re not ok with being single, whatever community they’re in. I have no commentary on the quality of men available to them.

  7. It’s pretty clear to me that what it all means is that it’s the ultra-frum community marries their girls off young. I know that it’s true of my friends and acquaintances. More frum ones tend to get married really young, more modern ones tend to get a chance to learn about themselves a little more, which, ultimately, could make it harder for them to get married because they realize that they’re more complicated than they thought they were.

    The real question is, who’s happier in the end? The girls who get married when they’re young and idealistic, before they have a chance to find out who they could be on their own, or the girls who wait longer to get married and maybe have a harder time getting married but at least have a chance to learn who they are?

    Personally, I prefer the latter.

  8. Nope, what you’re not getting is that the people in the center of the diagram are ultra orthodox. Real frum. No “modern” in their tag. And yet, they’re not married, just like all of E’s friends. It’s weird, ok, just say it, it’s weird.

  9. Pingback: My Explanations for the Shidduch Crisis « Bad for Shidduchim

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