Date – It’s Mind Broadening

Let’s face it – family and friends can get a bit predictable. I mean, you pretty much know them already, and it’s rare they they truly shock you. That’s one nice thing about dating; you get to meet new people with different perspectives. This is the cause of “someone once told me” or “I heard somewhere” syndrome in young Jewish singles. Though, as one NMF’s husband told me, he still quotes former dates as “I once heard.” His wife narrowed her eyes at that.

Of course, most people prefer to meet new people with different perspectives without having to go through the discomfort of seriously dating them, but you gotta take what you can get.

For example, the guy who told me that my bank was about to go under. He was right; Wamu didn’t last 2 weeks. I’m glad, actually. Now I don’t have a bank with a silly name and I can use the Chase ATMs all over town. He was wrong, though, when he told me that I wasn’t as clever as I thought I was for locking my spare cash into the last 5% APR CD being offered in Brooklyn; he said rates would go up within a few months. Ha. Not likely. I’d laugh all the way to the bank, but I’m not sure which one.

Then there was the guy who moonlighted as a mashgiach. He said it got him great holiday getaways. Made me wonder if there were any waitress spots still available on the next Kosherica cruise. Hey, a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do.

One thing dating is good for is finding about different yeshivos. When I first started dating, people would tell me a guy’s Israel yeshiva as if it held some deep significance. Probably it did, but I had no idea what it meant. But just ask a guy about why he went to his yeshiva, and ask him why he didn’t go to other yeshivos, and you will get a very entertaining run-down of all the yeshiva stereotypes. The best is when you date guys from unfriendly yeshivos  right after another. Your  current date is essentially dissing your last date, but it’s ok if he dumps you, because the other  guy dissed him first.

There was one guy who made his mother spend 3 weeks canvassing my entire bio to make sure we were compatible. Then, on the first date, we got into a heated debate on the learning/earning subject.

“Should we be discussing this on a first date?” he asked me a few sentences in.

“Why not?” I asked recklessly. Why waste time? He’d made his mother find out every little detail of my existence, so there was really nothing else to talk about except him, and he was a 24/7 learner, so there really wasn’t much to talk about at all.

“You shouldn’t have discussed that on a first date,” my father concurred with a sigh. Sometimes he despairs of marrying off a daughter with as little common sense as myself.

“It doesn’t matter,” the shadchan told me afterward. “You’re in middle of a degree, and he wants his wife to follow him right back to Israel.” Now how did he miss making his mother find out that important piece of information?

But that date sparked a week-and-a-half long hashkafic convention at my house. It was all very educational.

Yep, there’s nothing like a good date to stir up one’s existence with new views and information.


12 thoughts on “Date – It’s Mind Broadening

  1. Great post, Bad4! I totally agree with you. I love using that line, “Someone once told me”- like it’s not obvious where i got a guy’s perspective on a certain topic from.. lol

  2. Most of my friends have a food or drink that was introduced to them by someone they dated – it’s become a joke.

  3. I also enjoy hearing new perspectives on things.

    The deeper guys are definitely good dates because you have good discussions. Sometimes guys have helped me figure things out that I was thinking about on my own. (I had a whole cheshbon about working and learning guys and quantities, while I was explaining to him, I figured out my own logical flaw! Don’t remember what it was tho…)

  4. Bad4

    I don’t have a guy for you, and if this is too intrusive, just ignore it, but are you interested in a 24/7 learner? It doesn’t seem to fit with the postings. You seem to be career minded.

    On a separate note, I also wondered what is the approximate total pool of potential husbands. If there are 2 million identified orthodox Jews in the US and Israel, but half are modern, chasidic or otherwise not available, that would leave 1 million people. About half are women, so 500,000. If we assume that these are somewhat age biased towards youth and equally distributed on ages from 1-40 with 20% being over 40, then there are 10,000 men per year. Of course, then about half live in Israel, there are all the Hashkafic issues, learner/earner issues, etc., which would further reduce this to a smaller number (and marriages obviously deplete the number as well).

    It still seems like a reasonably large universe of options, since it would be hard to reasonably date even a fraction of the 5,000 or so American men of any particular birth year.

  5. Well, in theory, I have nothing against learners, but I’ve recently concluded that I will never be able to marry a forever learner, so I’ve stopped looking for them.

  6. Well, in theory, I have nothing against learners, but I’ve recently concluded that I will never be able to marry a forever learner, so I’ve stopped looking for them.

    well, well, well…

  7. Pingback: Repost: Dating is Educational | Bad for Shidduchim

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