Shidduch Maidel Ripstick League Debut

This Shabbos afternoon I was given a quick tutorial on the ripstick. My first ride was very brief – I put my left foot down, pushed off, and a blurry split second later had a much humbler view, while my right side was sending helpful hints about what might have occured.

“You put your foot down too far back,” came a more explicit description from somewhere above me.

But after that it wasn’t as hard to catch on to as a I thought it would be, though I honestly wonder what the inventors were thinking when they concocted the idea. I can just see the corporate board meeting where it’s presented as the toy of the future.

Inventor: (proudly holding ripstick aloft) This is to skateboards what rollerblades were to roller skates.

Publicity guy: (impressed) It looks cool.  And we can jazz it up with bright colors and zippy designs. It’ll look great on the shelves.

Marketing guy: So… can I give it a try?

Inventor: Sure. Just put your front foot there, push off, bring your back foot on, wiggle the back for speed and slant the front to steer.

Marketing guy: Uh… huh. I think I got thaaaaaaa—- (THUNK followed by general laughter.)

Middle Management: Nice job. Let me give it a try. (THUD followed by restrained giggling.)

Publicity: C’mon guys. Don’t you get any exercise after five? (CRASH. Display stand has tipped over and Publicity is somewhere underneath.)

Inventor: (sighs and brings out the Wild Turkey) This will help get you in the right frame of mind.

But seriously, once you get good at it, it moves pretty quickly and looks very cool. So I propose a Ripstick League for young single women. It’ll be a good excuse to get together and meet other young single women while working toward a common goal, getting exercise, and having fun. Our first few meets will take place in large playgrounds or empty lots, where we’ll coach each other to get up to speed. After that we’ll have group trips once a week through parks, on trails, or just through the local neighborhoods.

I envision a group of shidduch maidels ripping up Avenue J, their ironed hair flowing behind, perhaps frizzing a drop from their persperation, their pleated skirts rippling in the breeze. Such trips would be worth around 60 points in the Bad for Shidduchim club, so just two trips would mean automatic ice cream.

Who’s with me?

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6 thoughts on “Shidduch Maidel Ripstick League Debut

  1. Hilarious! I love this site! My closest group of (frum) friends are now split – 70 percent married/30 percent so-called nebach cases. (It’s great to be the so-called objective one of the group!) Your posts are well written and clearly you have a brain, so at least I hope you take comfort in the fact that you’re not trying to get married in the secular world!

    No one tries to set you up because they figure you can do it on your own! And if you don’t go to bars and clubs, you’re single until some instance of sheer dumb luck! Eventually you start wondering if your FFB friends are lucky to be in the frum world and maybe you should join them! (But then you realize at age 24 you’d be one of those older, not exactly fitting in BT types in the shidduch world so you begin to wonder instead if you should just take up drinking and hit the bars already.)

  2. Can I join you even though I’m married? I’ve always wanted to try a ripstick. They look like so much fun.

  3. I tried and fell right on my butt. Twice. My 10 year old daughter can do all sorts of tricks. Why is that?

  4. I’m with you but not on Ave J. Too much foot traffic; we have to go where you can MOVE.

    And the marketing guys aren’t stupid; they know kids go crazy over things that look lethal.

  5. oh my gosh!! I’M IN!!! but i agree with BM–we need somewhere breezy and open. how about the highway?

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