Mazal Tov NMF #13

Who was  lately married. (And “late” is meant in all possible ways.  I arrived two hours after the chupa was scheduled and the bride and groom didn’t mosey in for another half hour at least.)

Anyway, I did check my placecard, but it wasn’t necessary. I knew exactly which table I belonged at. She might as well have dropped the “##” and just written “Bloggers” on it. It would have been simpler, and it would also have saved us the trouble of explaining our presence to mutual acquaintances who knew her from more legitimate venues.

You would have expected people to be sitting there with their Blackberries and iPhones liveblogging the thing, but I kid you not – not a single one of the bunch of so-called writers had so much as a pen, except SD, and that was purely by accident. (She doesn’t use pens.) I don’t know what Erachet‘s excuse was, but at least she got a meal into her that should last until she sells a piece. (Living from wedding to wedding is a classic “professional” writer means of getting sustenance.  James Thurber did it for almost a year. And he’d bring leftovers home with him for breakfast, too.)

I gotta say, it’s a good thing the bride was wearing a big puffy veil because otherwise it would have been hard to spot her.  Whatever happened to cupcake gowns so big the bride needs three feet of clearance? Don’t get me wrong, I think they’re unwieldy, but if you don’t take up much space on your own, how else are people supposed to find you?

Freeda gets BadforShidduchim club points for marching about the room in street clothes, and even accosting the bride in so mundane a habit. We shall have to discuss a meet so she can spend her points. Two Sundays from now, anyone?

NEF#14 injured me with her diamond ring. I just had to point that out. Those things are dangerous. They hurt. (No, not emotionally. Sheesh. If you can’t handle a ring on someone else’s finger you need to grow a skin.) They should be outlawed. Wait, noooo. Post on that coming up one day, actually. When I get around to writing it. The gemstone ring must stay. But can they do something to make them less hard and sharp?

THE MUSIC WAS TOO LOUD!!! And if you can hear me, you obviously weren’t at the wedding. Unless you are Bas~Melech, who came armed with earplugs and preserved her auditory senses. I know it’s usually a given that the music is too loud, and I don’t complain. But this was beyond. This was like a secret military weapon kind of loud. If this were a war, I’d run up the white flag and surrender to the band, no matter who the singer was.

Why is it that everyone is perfectly capable of recognizing a circle of camp friends or a circle of school friends and leaving them to dance alone with the bride, but you get a circle of bloggers in there and everyone thinks we’re just a random assortment of people and try to break in? Didn’t we exude a sinister internet miasma? Wasn’t it obvious that our fingertips meld naturally with a keyboard? Did we not look uniformly random? Do we really need URL necklaces to prove our illegitimacy?

As weddings go, it wasn’t the most funereal. There was a smattering of color around the room. Of course, record for most funereal goes to MF#9 (Shidduchville Correspondent) whose Monsey nuptials had a grand total of four non-black outfits at it.

Overall it was lovely. I still haven’t seen the groom. (I am willing to place a bet that he’s below 5’9″.)  I wish the young couple all the best and may they live happily ever after, Amen.

PS: It’s now 1:16 in the am, and everyone who was formerly seated at the blogger table is now showing up in my chat pane. People, we need to get a life.


46 thoughts on “Mazal Tov NMF #13

  1. Your post and BOSD’s had me quite literally laughing out loud. I have had the experience of meeting and becoming good friends with people who originally were just email addresses in my mind. It’s always interesting seeing people’s reactions when I tell them I’m spending shabbos with someone I met on the Internet. Makes interesting conversations also – you know Avraham Cohen? – Well, he’s also coming for shabbos. (Names changed.)

  2. SD – my post was up before yours. 😛 You could have checked. I didn’t list attendees, but some I just had to make fun of.

    I arrived after the chupah. I have no idea when it was, but it wasn’t when it was scheduled to be. I mean the bride and groom hadn’t come out for the first dance yet.

  3. cracking up at this post, and at the postscript 🙂
    i think diamond rings should be padded. bubble wrap might do the trick.

  4. Lol, interesting that you forgot to mention where this post first took shape. If you hadn’t had the placecard, who knows how many details you would’ve left out?
    Anyway, I’m glad that I didn’t do anything blog-worthy even though I sat right next to you. And for all your making fun of the black outfits, you wore one too!

  5. Yeah, I bought that suit shortly after graduating when I realized I had a wedding in one night and nothing to wear. And I’m too lazy to buy anything else. So black it is. Hey, I wasn’t advocating a massive change. Just observing how black the view is.

    someone – someone had the intelligence to go to sleep. I’ve been yawning the day away.

  6. I’ve posted about my experiences with the loud band situation in the past as well….
    Then I went out and hired that very same band for my son’s wedding (because the Kallah’s family wanted them). To be fair, they listened to my request for reasonable sound levels.

    Sounds like a fun wedding and a fun table.

  7. The concept of black = death has no place in Judaism. Following the logic, really, do the dead and the bereaved care about wearing something slimming? Black is for the living, who overindulged over Succos. If I see a dress or suit that is magnificently cut and flatters me like nothing in my wardrobe, will I hold it against it that it is black? Please. I’m not racist.

    Perhaps the Asians have it right about wearing white at funerals – the one time one’s garments do not have to be flattering.

  8. bad4-i wasn’t sleeping. i just stayed invisible. i was debating saying hi, but decided to go to sleep quicker instead…

  9. Bad4- how long are you going to rub that in? And- anyhow, you were the most fun to make fun of. 😀 You were the only one blogging through the night.

    Erachet- ‘tsok, I did. But I didn’t mention that after the waiter threw out her original placecard-notes she re-wrote them on the back of my walmart reciept. Now I just hope I don’t need to return my shampoo… 😉

  10. I was wondering bout that black to. And I had no urge to go online when I arrived home at 2AM! I collapsed into bed fully dressed.
    I’m sorta sad bout missing that bloggers’ circle, though.

  11. Just a little historical note–this sea of black at frum weddings is only a couple of decades old. I remember the first wedding I attended where the kallah’s mother had a black embroidered gown on–the conversation for weeks was about whether she was really that upset with her new son in law and/or the mechutanim that she wore a funeral color to the wedding. Yes, black was reserved for funerals back then, because the color was somber enough for the occasion.

  12. So what changed? Did black used to not be slimming and now it is? Or has black always been slimming, but until recently women simply could not wear it because it was too funereal? (Nice word, btw, b4s.)

  13. I attended a levaya recently and my mother told me to davka not wear all black (ease up. I wore a gray skirt). It’s, like, so Christian.

    I’ve seen pictures from back in the 60’s and 70’s. Were they wearing color? Yes. Did they always look good? No.

  14. DwH – purely observational. I could add that the food was good, there was enough water (surprise surprise) and the flowers were nice, but who wants to hear that?

  15. On diamond rings, really it depends on how they are set. Most people favor very high settings to make their diamonds look bigger. That, combined with the prongs that hold the stone in place, is what makes them prone to catch on things or scratch those who come in contact with them. A bezel setting would make it less prone to stick out.

    On black — there was a time when even a bride would wear black to her wedding — if that was her best dress. Those who could not afford the extravegance of something as difficult to keep clean as a white gown wore whatever color they had for best. Laura Ingalls Wilder, for example, married in black. The white bridal gown is not as deeply rooted in traditona as people think. Etiquette books, though, had frowned about members of the wedding party wearing black for most of the 20th century, but with black being, after all, the color of chic (unlike the “new blacks” of brown or gray) you can’t really keep it out of weddings.

  16. “and it would also have saved us the trouble of explaining our presence to mutual acquaintances who knew her from more legitimate venues.” .

    Not to nit-pick, but are bloggers illegitimate, or just to those in the outside world?

  17. I don’t publicly tell people about my blog, but that’s because my blog is not good writing. You, bad4, have no excuse.

  18. No offense to anyone, but IMO most bloggers have nothing better to do with their life and I wouldn’t want to admit that.

  19. I assume bad4 does not put this blog on her shidduch resume or official bio for shidduch purposes. But I would imagine that it would make sense to reveal it to the person one would marry. But would the revelation come just before or just after engagement?

  20. Goodness – just before or just after? It’s not that shameful! I’d say a few dates before, when things are looking serious, and you trot out all your skeletons. “In 5th grade I was sent to the principal’s office. My sister caught hepatitis. I travel to random locations without a chaperone. Sometimes we use plastic tablecloths. Stupidity frustrates me. I have a blog.”

  21. If my daughter was a blogger, I would certainly not tell too many people. Why? Because I believe it is Bad4Shidduchim.
    Yes, blogging is a waste of time in my opinion. There is much to be done in this world. So much chesed to be accomplished, shiurim to attend, silver to be polished, floors to be swept, need I continue? So why do I read this blog? Having 2 very eligible young people in shidduchim I am interested in reading what the dudes and dudettes have to say.

  22. Although young grandma is correct about the fact that there’s so much to do in this world, I must say in defense of Bad4 (and all the other bloggers) that sometimes a creative outlet improves one’s productivity. Life cannot be only about “chores” and “duties”.

  23. Oooh, so much to comment…

    First the post: {Insulted look} No mention of moi?! And I didn’t wear black! (I daresay I was of a rare breed. So much so that Scraps and Erachet and Bas~Melech even commented on it.) The music was deafening… on the women’s side. Where I was it was quite bearable, and I even watched the singer (an old neighbor friend) test it on the men’s side. Something is funky with the acoustics there. LOL on the chat list. 🙂

    Re: the comments… Perhaps I’m the rarity, but I have no issue saying that I’m a blogger and it has helped me get jobs (and published) (and speaking engagements). Of course, I’m also: a) Not anonymous, b) Not writing about a particular subject, c) Not purposely controversial, etc. etc. But I also don’t shy away from defending the opinions I do put down. I’ve yet to have my blogging impact me negatively, at least in any way I care about, and have often seen it impact me positively.

    I think that certainly in some circles, people are afraid to call themselves bloggers because they assume it will be taken negatively; but it’s a nasty circle. It’s essentially buying into the stereotype, thereby making it a stigma.

    To young grandma, I pose a better question than Bad4’s to Harry-er (though that was good) – forget whether or not what you say about blogging is true. Let’s assume for the moment that it is as useless as you say. Why would you specifically “not tell” someone that your daughter blogs if you knew she did? Why make her out to be someone she is not? Why place standards and expectations on her that she at least now will not be able to match? Why create an impression of your daughter that is sheker? Thankfully you don’t seem to actually be in this situation, but isn’t a major problem in the frum world that people create false impressions of one another to fit into what they think is ideal, rather than acknowledging what people really are? Having two eligible young people in shidduchim, wouldn’t you be troubled knowing that there are others who actually do approach how they describe their sons or daughters exactly as you suggest, rather than honestly? Wouldn’t it trouble you to know that you can’t believe a word anyone says, since they’re selectively choosing what to say based on what they think you’d want to hear, or what they would want to hear or want to believe?

    Good luck with the two eligible young people. May they find their bashert with honesty and emes on all sides, so they can build and maintain a Bayis *Ne’eman* B’Yisroel.

  24. Well, why blog anonymously then?

    There must be something bad4shidduchim about it, otherwise many anonymous bloggers would have been out of the closet by now.

    In one way it makes you more productive- expressing your creativity and all that. But on the other hand- why are so many bloggers in the computer/IT professions? Because it fits in with their job, so they can blog and still be productive. Many are not- and for them, it might be something (gets ready to duck) of a time waster. But a good time waster- something that they enjoy and that helps them cope with every day life.

    Also- a blogger may not want to admit to his or her date about blogging because of what they write. For those who write something controvesial, or something that they wouldn’t want their neighbors to know, for example.

    For those who are looking for someone Yeshivish- blogging becomes a whole other issue. Internet is frowned upon, and meant to be used only for work purposes. However, like with all things meant to be used only for work, sometimes it is not. And a dater may not want to admit that.

  25. NMF#7 – I think people chose anonymity to be on the “safe” side to start, enjoy the idea of saying things anonymously, and put themselves into a position where “outing” would come back to bite them. I doubt people are anonymous because of shidduchim except in very rare cases.

    Ariella – Don’t own a black suit.

  26. “Ariella – Don’t own a black suit.” Perhaps that’s a sign that you refuse to acclimate to New York — where black is the color of choice– no matter what the new black may be. 😉

  27. NMF #7 and Ezzie – it’s not just about being able to say things anonymously. Anything I say on the internet, I wouldn’t mind being attributed to my real name. I would never say something anonymously that I wouldn’t say for real. I just find the idea of random strangers reading about my life and actually knowing real information about me a little bit creepy. Especially since what I write is pretty personal, I also don’t like the idea of being unaware who knows what about me. I’m perfectly fine telling people what my blog is as long as I am in control of who knows it’s me and who doesn’t.

    Also, blogging is never a waste of time if you gain something worthwhile from what you are doing.

  28. Just for the record, I didn’t injure you with my ring. You did it yourself. The ring was just sitting innocently on my hand minding its own business when you chose to smash yourself into it. Not like those stilettos that expressly sought me out to to plant matching holes in each of my feet.

  29. I think, out of all of us at the beautiful wedding (and yes, the music was deafening), I must’ve gotten asked the most “How do you know the bride?”
    Friends of friends seemed to work fine.

    And Ezzie, your wife was a pleasure to meet. Evn if she didn’t realize that I was the shadchan…

  30. Ariella – Damn straight. 🙂

    Erachet – I get why people are anonymous sometimes with good reason. I’ve even written about it. 🙂

    Shadchan – Yeah, she only really got it after. 🙂

  31. A few comments:

    Firstly, the music was that loud? I didn’t hear it at all…seriously…

    Second, there was no specified blogger table. I gave all my friends the same table number and assigned a few tables to that number. Cute of y’all to clump together.

    Third–he’s 5’10” 😀

  32. Really? He didn’t look that much taller than you in Ezzie’s photo.

    Birds of feather flock together, and all that. I wasn’t going to sit with people who knew you from elsewhere when I could sit with a random assortment of shminternet people.

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