Bad4’s First Date, 1 of 4

I broke this into parts because I don’t like posting longer than 550 words and also so I get more mileage out of it. Been doing homework, not writing.


Technically, preparation begins about 13 hours in advance, since I  take care of my hair in the morning. Or maybe it starts an hour before, when I eat supper so I won’t be hungry if we go out for drinks, but won’t be full if we go out to eat. But otherwise, it takes about 20 minutes to get ready, though I usually allow myself a half-hour, just in case.

Clothing is a predetermined FDO (first date outfit). This is a survival necessity, as neither the shadchan nor my parents or even the date ever seem to realize that it is Important for me to have an idea of the sort of venue we’ll be taking in. Well, why would they? They never browsed B&N in their Shabbos finest or tottered down a dirt path on 3-inch heels. I know there are guys who think that it shouldn’t matter – I should be dressed the same way no matter what, but that is usually the kind of nonsense you get from the types who would wear a suit to plant a tree.

IMO an idea about “where” should be just as essential as “when.” When you say “Six-thirty Monday afternoon,” can’t you throw in “I was thinking we’d go for a coffee”?

Instead, I’m left guessing about whether the guy is a lounge lizard or a coffee consumer.

Case in point: I once guessed that a guy would be the lounge type, so I ate supper (chicken and rice) beforehand. Naturally, we wound in Starbucks. As we walked through the door he joked, “This is the part where you tell me that you’re fleishigs.”

“I am,” I answered.

I had tea. No crisis. Still.

Anyway, back to prep, makeup probably takes the longest. I try to keep it natural looking, and somehow that’s harder than just looking gooped up. Jewelry time is negligible unless I have trouble getting the earrings in. Tights are the last to go on as they are the most objectionable. I strongly suspect that one could correlate the increased use of epidurals with the invention of nylon and control top. God is just keeping the score even. I mildly resent every minute the guy is late because that’s an extra minute I’m wearing those darn things that I didn’t have to be.

Guy’s Arrival:

I’m usually sitting in my room twiddling my thumbs for a few minutes in advance of Guy’s arrival, because I don’t dare do anything that will crease my clothes. Which rules out everything I do on a regular evening. Sitting around doing nothing irritates me almost as much as wearing tights, so I make up for it by sitting at the window watching the cars drive past.  I can usually pick out the Guy’s car because it comes down the block slowly.

Good4 is better at spotting them than I am, though. Usually, when he pulls up, she’ll say something like “Hey, he’s been around the block three times already.”

I watch Guy check the time on his cell phone, get out of the car, open the back door, take out his hat, close the door, put on the hat, tug his suit, check the time on his cell again, and then head to our front door. I get a very inaccurate, foreshortened view of him that is mostly blocked by brim and then grab my shoes and head down one flight.


The Meet:

The parents usher him into the dining room where they offer him refreshments he won’t eat, because he’s uncomfortable, and beverages he won’t drink, because none of the  options include carbonation or added sugar and he’s not sure that they’re actually potable. If I can’t hear any of his answers to their questions (“How was the drive? Much traffic?”) then I get impatient quickly, slip on the shoes, and make my grand entrance.

Guy looks up briefly, smiles to be friendly, and then looks away quickly so nobody will think he’s a gawking creep. Which leaves me free (after smiling back) to check him out for:



Too fat?

Too thin?

To be continued… Part 2.


12 thoughts on “Bad4’s First Date, 1 of 4

  1. In my sister’s day, the parents had the same deal; gleaming seltzer and tasteless chocolate on the table, which is carefully ignored. I mean, c’mon, if the guy actually poured himself a drink it would be considered scandalous.

    I changed the system somewhat. My mother is happy to hide upstairs, and I open the door with my father’s hand available to shake. I don’t like waiting upstairs with that staged entry. Feels like a bad play.

  2. Your approach to makeup is refreshing. There are times I want to take a young girl/young lady, literally shake her and yell, “Remember, less is more!”

  3. “I mildly resent every minute the guy is late because that’s an extra minute I’m wearing those darn things that I didn’t have to be.”

    I’m asking this question seriously, because I have no knowledge of women’s clothing. Do girls have to wear tights on a date? I had one girl ask me if I wanted my wife to wear tights, b/c she hated them and didn’t wear them very often. I think I responded with “I’m not going to make my wife wear anything, uh…I mean no I don’t care about tights”.

    Also it seems like girls really get mad about guys coming late. I understand that, if he’s really late and doesn’t have a good reason for being late and not calling. It’s not always their fault though, sometimes it seems like a higher power forced us to be late. On my way to a recent date, I was driving from Manhattan to the five towns area, I stopped at a red light and while waiting for the light to change, I got rear-ended. Then I got stuck in traffic for about a half hour, took a detour that my GPS didn’t agree with and I made it to about a mile from the girls house with about five minutes to spare. Everything would have been perfect if my GPS didn’t mix up the Ave. with the St. It said I was at the right address but the street signs said otherwise. I had to get directions through my iphone and I got there about 10 to 15 minutes late. When her parents opened the door I started to apologize, they cut me off and said “you went to the Ave. didn’t you?” I don’t think they believed that I put the right address into the GPS. I don’t do the phone call before the first date thing, so I didn’t have her number to call and I figured it would take longer to call the shaddchan, who probably wouldn’t have answered his phone anyway. It’s not always our fault.

  4. I don’t really mind late as long as it’s not too late. But it’s because we’re sitting around in suspense. At least you’re doing something exciting, like getting rear-ended. We’re just in limbo – we can’t do anything but wait.

    re tights: I think she meant would you consider it essential tznius item. In that case, it’s really a community issue and depends who the female in question affiliates with.

  5. Pingback: Bad4’s First Dates, 2 of 4 « Bad for Shidduchim

  6. “I’m usually sitting in my room twiddling my thumbs for a few minutes in advance of Guy’s arrival, because I don’t dare do anything that will crease my clothes.”

    Won’t sitting around in the clothes crease them?

  7. bad4: Looking at it from the girl’s PoV, she was probably more stressed waiting for me than I was getting rear-ended. The fact that I was driving my sister’s car when I got hit might have something to do with that.

    re:re:tights: I don’t envy you girls and your confusing clothes/tznius issues, all I need to worry about is if my clothes match.

  8. Pingback: Bad4’s First Dates, 3 of 4 « Bad for Shidduchim

  9. Pingback: Bad4’s First Dates, 4 of 4 « Bad for Shidduchim

  10. Pingback: The First Date Project (sticky – scroll down) « Bad for Shidduchim

  11. im not into all this play-acting wen it comes to dates. its like, the guy comes, sits and talks for 10 min, then the mother sez “oh let me see if my daughter is here!” and surprise, surprise, not only is she home, but she just “happens” to have her hair done and is wearing her hi-heeled shoes! wen the guy comes to my house, im rite there, waiting for him.
    And most boys so far take something to drink. one even took some cookies with him for the way home!

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