Bad4’s First Dates, 3 of 4

Post 1

Post 2

Sitting Down:

Here is his lucky moment; the coat comes off and he can give you the full elevator eyes while you’re folding your coat over your chair.

I know he’ll order a coke (I’ve seen one seltzer from a guy on a diet and one Sprite from a guy who just had to be different) and I’ll order a water – not because of dietary considerations but because (get this) I like water. It is my beverage of choice at almost any time, except with cookies or lasagna, when I prefer milk. I did order beer once, but the selection at the average lounge is simply too boring to make that a habit. Oh, and it’s not really very aidel.

Restroom Break:

For some reason the guy always needs a restroom break. I hardly ever do – excepting the time that the high-end pay-just-for-sitting-down lounge gave me a full liter and a half of water, and I finished it in an hour.

I wouldn’t mind the break except that they always take so long. What are they doing in there?  And what are you supposed do when your date is off in the restroom? Sit there staring into space? Play demo games on your phone? I usually take a look at the paintings in the vicinity, but I can see them all and outline an essay on their hidden meanings before he returns, so I’m usually reduced to staring into space and avoiding the gazes of everyone who passes.


I always let the guy decide (I’m really quite passive on dates, I’m realizing), and hope he doesn’t make me stifle too many yawns before he decides it’s time to go.

Sometimes you keep going until a natural lull, someone checks their watch, you realize how late it is, and agree to go.  Other times, exactly 2 hours into the date, no matter how well conversation is flowing, he calls for the check and you’re leaving.

I always take that as a bad sign. He’s done his 2.5 hours, been polite, and now he’s outta here, never to return. (I actually had a guy pull up in front of my house, check his watch, and fret, “It’s only been 2 and a quarter hours, is that okay?” I answered, “Really? Only two and a quarter hours? I hardly noticed,” which, in retrospect, might not have been the best response.)

Drive Back:

Somehow the conversation always lags during this leg of the date. It doesn’t help that I’m tired; my brain ceases functioning at 10:15pm. So help me, I’m a morning person, but just try scheduling a date for 6:30am.

I know that this is the point where I’m going to misunderstand what he says, contend it for the sake of argument, and leave him with the impression that I have terrifying hashkafos – my #1 reason for being dumped (okay, maybe there’s a basis for it). I wish I could just curl up and nap until we get to my house.

To be continued… in post 4


14 thoughts on “Bad4’s First Dates, 3 of 4

  1. I’m game for dates going until the wee hours of the morning…on the other hand, I’m not completely conscious and thinking straight until 845-9 am.

  2. I always order a coke even though I’d rather have a beer (I can’t b/c I have to drive) or a water. The reason I don’t order a water is that I feel bad taking a table and a waiters time and not ordering something that they can make money on.

    I’m a fan of the bathroom break, it gives you a chance to think of new things to talk about without pressure. Also I’ve noticed that some girls will not excuse themselves to go to the bathroom unless the guy already did (maybe they’re embarrassed?). Sometimes I’ll take one just to make the girl feel more comfortable, never for more than a couple minutes though.

    I’m still confused about how long girls expect the first date to last, I’ve been told either 2, 2.5 or 3 hours, they always say it like their way is accepted by everyone. Personally I don’t hold myself to a set time anymore, I leave when I feel ready or if I notice any signs that the girl wants to leave.

  3. “Here is his lucky moment; the coat comes off and he can give you the full elevator eyes while you’re folding your coat over your chair.”

    Don’t flatter yourself girl. A fully dressed BJ girl taking off her coat is nothing to ooggle over. If I want see some ass, the waitress normally has more showing then you.

  4. It is sad, Bad4, but it appears we are aberrations from the norm. So many perks! I’m bright-eyed, I have better quips, I’m skinnier. But I shall not enter into a pact. It has teenage-horror-movie potential all over it. (“Lea asked her blind date if an early morning meeting, preferably before 7am, was possible. In his eagerness to please [I can dream] the poor night-owl dragged himself out of bed at 4am to begin his toilette, and subsequently steered into a tree at 5am.”)

    As for Get Real . . . it is so nice to know that chivalry isn’t dead.

  5. Get Real: Grow up.

    bad4/Princess Lea: A 6:30AM date would be torture, a 4:30AM date that ended right after sunrise would be pretty cool, probably too romantic for a first date though.

  6. I’ve been married for 32 years, and (I promise!) I still have nightmares that I fell asleep as the guy is driving me home from (another) boring date. All these years later, I still jerk awake in a panic.

  7. anonymom: I once dated a girl two nights in a row, on the second night we were driving to NYC from Lakewood, listening to music and I saw out of the corner of my eye that her head kept falling forward and then jerking back like she was falling asleep. I shut off the music and started talking to her, she couldn’t say more than a few sentences without nodding off. Fortunately we were going to Times Square which can wake anyone up, so the rest of the date she was ok but on the ride home she did the same thing. I didn’t say anything to her about falling asleep but she did say at some point that she didn’t sleep at all the night before b/c her sisters were grilling her about our first date (it was her first time going out). I still thought for sure she wouldn’t want to go out again after that but she did.

  8. in my dating years, if the guy spent too much time in the bathroom, you could suspect him to be a smoker. i guess its illegal now…

  9. Early morning dates wouldn’t work so fell for guys – we’ve got minyan to worry about. And some of us have morning seder and shiur.

    Plus, I suspect that more guys (well, me at least) are night people than are morning people. Actually, I tend to burn the candle at both ends all week long (yes, I really love my shabbos nap) – does that make me both, or neither?

  10. Pingback: Bad4’s First Dates, 4 of 4 « Bad for Shidduchim

  11. A morning date would be great and some of my brothers have gone on morning dates. (Especially, with out of town girls who arrive by plane in the morning.)
    However, I suspect some wouldn’t get any rest the night before.

  12. Wait, what? Guys spend more time the bathroom than girls? Not mekabel. (On personal experience in addition to strong stereotypes!)

    And maybe the Coke is for the caffeine. It’s evening, everyone is tired, etc. At least it would be somewhat stimulating if you don’t go to a hotel lobby and you actually, Ida know, DO something… (But even then – restaurants, ESPN zone, hiking, bowling, I still would often get a Coke.)

    And you are entitled to your liking of water (my wife does too) but I, for one, think that this whole water drinking thing is a fad. Soon we’re going to back to a culture of soda cans and juice boxes. Way more environmental!

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