Food Foibles (3)

You’re not the only one with a hangover. We’ll be back with regular programming after midterms.

Male (the commenter) pointed out that I still haven’t presented an actual foible regarding food. Okay, so I haven’t got a foible. But after a little more head-scratching I came up with a genuine neurosis.

It’s genuine  in the way that mental disorders are passed down and amplified from generation to generation. This one starts with my grandmother believing that bananas are a very healthy source of vitamins and minerals and that every growing child ought to eat one daily. (Was it daily? That’s the impression I got, but I bet it was nothing like. You know how kids exaggerate what their parents put them through.)

Now, my mother didn’t like bananas – she found them slimy and smelly. And of course, like all mothers, hers said “When you grow up and move out you can do whatever you want.” And my mother (like all kids – can you imagine she was a kid once?) said, “When I grow up, I’m never touching another banana for as long as I live – and I won’t make my kids eat them either.”

I wish I could say she was a woman of her word. Truth is, she touches bananas once a week – to buy them for her children. After all, they’re a very healthy source of vitamins and minerals, and every growing child ought to eat one… regularly, anyway.

I’d have nothing against this matter if circumstances were different in three ways:

1 – if bananas were sold individually

2 – if bunches ripened one unit at a time, instead of all at once

3 – if every other person in this family hadn’t upped and moved out, leaving me and my father the only ones to dispose of the weekly banana bunch.

My life is slavery to bananas. Maybe nobody is ordering me to eat one a day, but that’s the only way to prevent them from being tossed on the compost pile. They sit there, staring at me, whenever I enter the kitchen, their increasing brownness castigating my disinclination to eat them. Because I agree with my mother on this point: one a day is a bit much.

I have nothing against bananas, tastewise, but  I loath the obnoxious way they loll around, green, for ages, and then – bam! They’re yellow, then speckled, then mush, in a marathon run of mere days. Call me a bigot, but I think bananas, as a race, have some of the most despicable habits known to man.

When I grow up, I’m not going to buy any bananas until we have at least three kids old enough to help us eat them. That’s my neurosis, and I’m sticking with it.


28 thoughts on “Food Foibles (3)

  1. Laugh out loud.
    Pretty good! Especially with a hangover. 😉

    It must have been the lack of bananas in Europe, because my mother’s parents were banana advocates also.

    Have you considered selling the excess bananas? Or giving them away to a starving child in India?

  2. There are lots of things you could do to the bananas to make them more palatable. I have a great banana cake recipe, and there are muffins, breads, salads, and many other ways to dispose of them.
    Another way to deal with it might be to trade with a neighbor who has green ones. You trade the bananas that are just ripe for the green ones, postponing the agony of eating one until you want to eat them.

  3. ha ha. My kids think bananas are treats because I only buy them once in a while precisely for the reasons mentioned. BUT just so you know, in many stores you can buy individuals…

  4. Lol – IN my family bananas are usually considered a commodity. That’s because my father,mom,sister, and I all like bananas. Contrary to popular belief-bananas don’t make you bananas- they calm me !! Blame it on the large doses of Potassium residing in that yellow fruit called a banana. By the way, I am still picky though- I only like firm bananas. No Softees please!

    What I want in a guy is not that much different from my taste in bananas.

  5. LOL, you’re right about the bananas, I love them but I won’t buy them at the grocery store because I know half of them will end up rotting in my kitchen. If anyone is interested in delivering one ripe banana, with no soft spots, to my house every morning, I would pay for that.

  6. I’m very particular about bananas. I’ll only eat plain ones just when they’ve become ripe. They can’t be brown (or speckled) or soft. They have to be yellow and firm. You can use brown bananas in banana cake/bread/muffins, though. You can use them in shakes as well. Bananas are a very versatile fruit, come to think of it. Why not save the bananas you don’t eat in the freezer and then use them when the need arises?

  7. I don’t understand the majority view here of being against brown spots on bananas. They really do taste the same as the white parts.
    And, if you mean a speckled peel, but, a spotless banana, I have an even harder time understanding.

  8. They freeze very well — as does banana cake or banana bread, either of which can be made from defrosted frozen bananas.

    The problem is that your mother will keep buying them at the same rate. You might happily eat the frozen ones, but you have to eat or freeze the new ones first, and then you’ll be too full of bananas to consider eating the frozen ones this week, so they’ll wait until next week… come Peasch, there will be no room for either chometz or Pesach food, because your freezer will be full of bananas.

  9. Can’t make banana bread/cake. Mother doesn’t like the smell of bananas either. Truth be told, I think bananas are better as fruit than ingredient, myself.

    Since we’re comparing, my favorite is lightly speckled, but freshly yellow and browning are okay too.

    Also fun: lightly tracing your name into a banana (without breaking the skin) and watching it materialize slowly in brown lettering. “Hey, that’s *my* banana.”

    And, considering the date – is it true that bananas make a good hangover cure?

    Bz – you don’t?!

  10. eeewwww. hate bananas. slimy gross things. I buy them for my kids, in VERY small bunches- so that if there’s a brown one left, goodbye! yuck!!

  11. I have to agree with both Princess Lea and Bad4. Yellow with green tips are the best. I won’t eat them anyother way. I also dislike banana bread, cake, muffins, etc as they are made by those overly sweet brown and/or speckle bananas.

  12. I took an advertising class in which we had to create two ads for bananas:
    ad #1- bananas relieve hangover symptoms
    ad #2- bananas can help cure nicotine addiction (this hasn’t actually been proven yet)

    One way to make bananas more palatable is to dip them in melted chocolate and freeze them. This kind of worked in my house- until we all forgot about them until we were cleaning out the freezer for Pesach.

  13. alarbean–They do not taste the same. Speckled bananas have a much stronger smell than perfect yellow/yellow with green tip bananas, and they also have a mushier texture.

  14. Thanks to all this talk about bananas, I just went to the grocery store and bought some. They’re definitely better fresh but banana cake and laffy taffys are both good too and banana cream pie is awesome.

  15. First of all, HURRAH I got mentioned in a post.

    Also, and I cannot reiterate this enough: BANANA CHOCOLATE CHIP CAKE! BANANA CHOCOLATE CHIP CAKE! [Yes, that deserved all caps.]

    Also: try freezing a banana, and then spread peanut butter on it and eating it. Best combination known to man (well, besides banana + PB + chocolate, and maybe PB + J).

  16. Wife likes ’em green. I like ’em spotted. We get a green bunch at the start of the week. She eats two early on, I eat two mid week, and any that go beyond that wind up in cakes or breads.

  17. Actually… I do have a compost pile. But besides my Bio teacher, no one else I know does…. so I was a bit surprised that you actually have one. I chalked it up to literary freedom… but apparently its the truth and nothing but the truth 🙂

    At one point in my life I thought to myself that how come so many younger people are getting married before I am. I mean some of them are quite a bit younger. But now I realize, unique people with so much potential can’t just take a vanilla spouse. They must find someone of the proper caliber and only then will they be able to truly accomplish their tafkid.

    I give you a bracha that for every bit that you wait for your chassan may he be that much more than you wished for 🙂

  18. Amen!
    So… you’re saying that people with compost piles have a harder time getting married? Yikes!

  19. Bz and bad4 – there’s hope. I have a compost pile and I’m engaged. And I’m not even ‘old’. So there.

  20. I’m saying people who are thoughtful, deep, and caring (including caring about the world we live in), and especially, people who do what is right, regardless of what everyone else thinks (I will compost even if people think I’m weird…), are unique, and need someone as unique. Being unique, we are in short supply…. thus it just takes more time to find someone of the proper caliber 🙂

    Not a harder time…. a longer time…

  21. Frozen peeled bananas are a terrific pareve dessert. Also baked bananas: bake peeled bananas and put some chocolate chips on them. And bananas cooked in coconut milk or soy milk with some cinnamon. And banana milkshakes (banana + milk or milk substitute in the blender with vanilla.)

    Trader Joe’s sells bananas for 19 cents each. And you can pull bananas off the bunch and buy them by the pound that way at most stores.

  22. I have a GREAT recipe for banana choc chip cake, email me if you’re interested. I used to hate banana flavored cake until I got a taste of this one.

  23. If I may weigh in, why can’t you just peel off two or three bananas from a bunch in the store like everyone else? They are sold by weight, anyway, so you aren’t stealing. You can look for sub-bunches that remain from other ppl doing the same thing, if such a practice bothers you.

    And I second (or third) the banana chocolate chip cake cheer. I too am not a banana fan, but my wife gets me to eat them in the form of cake. Maybe if someone would find a way to put chocolate chips in Brussels sprouts…

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