Battling Ogres for My Fair Gentleman

Way back in a probably non-existent era of history, knights would choose themselves a lady so pure, so virtuous, and so good, that they would feel unworthy of her. They would have to venture forth upon quests to succor the poor, aid the innocent, and rescue the helpless just to prove themselves worthy. For these knights, love made them better people.

Now, truth be told, these women were human and probably not as virtuous as the troubadours would have you believe. (Indeed, the very fact that the knights would get into fights over whose lady was more perfect suggests a deep psychological need to prove it to themselves as much as anyone else. One doesn’t fight over certainties.)

So, I was thinking… somewhere out there is my perfect guy – sweet, religious, perceptive, responsible, successful, considerate, and just plain ol’ nice. Now, do I deserve such a hypothetically perfect man? I wish. Does such a perfect guy actually exist? Never mind that. Like the knights and their ladies, the distance currently between me and my Perfect Man is an opportunity for me to work on deserving him. It may not be through knocking bad guys off their chargers – that require specialized equipment that I don’t have. I don’t need to quest across the countryside for dragons when I have the landscape of my life to do battle in.

So, Lady Bad4 is on a quest conquer the demons of sloth, the dragons of selfishness, the ogres of indifference, the giants of unkindness, and the sorcerers of insouciance to prove her worthiness to Sir Charming, the most amazing, virtuous, and otherwise perfect knight in the realm.

And I just dare you to suggest that he’s otherwise.

…now, with that pep talk, bring on the holiday!

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16 thoughts on “Battling Ogres for My Fair Gentleman

  1. Chag Kasher ViSameach to you and to everyone who reads this blog.
    KT HR-
    tzafnas

    PS- This was a very inspiring post.

  2. Very interesting (and creative way) of expressing the struggle to improve oneself and one’s middos during singlehood (which we should all strive to be doing). Have a chag kasher v’sameach!

    P.S. Remember: there be dragons…

  3. right so i was going to say that the powers that be are going to have you think that there is a direct correlation between self-improvement and finding a spouse, and was going to pray you not fall prey to that notion. there is NO straight cause-and-effect mechanism in play here, and it is dangerous to suggest there is. take a good look around- does it strike you that, suddenly, EVERYONE is insecure? and EVERYONE is judging one another? and, suddenly, you forget to say “please” once and you fear the black marks piling up in black books everywhere?

    in short, B4, don’t take the bait. self-improvement is great (notwithstanding my disenchantment with the mussar movement following my fundamental struggle with chovos halevavos), but it is not a simple permissive that needs to be satisfied in order for your intended to appear on the scene, and don’t let anyone pressure you into believing it is, because this will not add to your quality of life.

    i have a lot more to say on the matter, but that’s for another time.

  4. GP, bad4 never said anything to indicate she has “taken the bait” of thinking self-improvement inherently and automatically leads to finding one’s spouse. She’s just saing it’s an opportunity for self-improvement. C’mon, you’ve been reading the blog long enough to know she’s not incredibly naive and gullible.

  5. my perfect guy – sweet, religious, perceptive, responsible, successful, considerate, and just plain ol’ nice. Now, do I deserve such a hypothetically perfect man? I wish. Does such a perfect guy actually exist?”Alles In Einam Iz Nisht Due By Kanimm” (ask your Grandmother”

  6. never underestimate the powers that be, especially if you’re female. it has nothing to do with being naive or gullible.

  7. One of your best posts, in a way.

    right so i was going to say that the powers that be are going to have you think that there is a direct correlation between self-improvement and finding a spouse, and was going to pray you not fall prey to that notion. there is NO straight cause-and-effect mechanism in play here, and it is dangerous to suggest there is. […] in short, B4, don’t take the bait. self-improvement is great, but it is not a simple permissive that needs to be satisfied in order for your intended to appear on the scene, and don’t let anyone pressure you into believing it is, because this will not add to your quality of life.

    Self-improvement can help one realize that there’s no such thing as “deserving”, which ironically does help one in the process of finding a spouse.

  8. That was a very nice post. While I agree that a little self-introspection is always constructive, hypothetically speaking, wouldn’t “the perfect man” accept you for who you are, regardless of your slight faults?

    P.S. You forgot to add tall to the list of desired characteristics. 😛

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