Found this in the drafts folder.
Received this from DatGal following the post on “My husband doesn’t let.”
Once upon a time there was DatGal and NEF. DatGal borrowed a pair of dangly earrings from NEF and said she wouldn’t bother returning them, as NEF’s DH (dear husband) wouldn’t allow her to wear such things.
Yes, of course she was poking fun. Isn’t that what engaged people are for? (Rhetorical question. If you don’t know the answer, you must be engaged.)
Realizing she was being mocked (engaged people are not as thick as we would like to think), NEF tried to explained.
“It’s not that he doesn’t let, it’s that when you care about someone so much you just wanna do what makes them happy.”
This was said in that super-smarmy tone that means “Obviously, since your not engaged/married you have no idea what I mean, but I’ll try to explain it anyway.”
If you’ve had the good fortune to never hear that tone, it’s very similar to the one used to say “Im yirtza Hashem by you” with the little head tilt and comforting smile. It’s a condescending tone. And it’s annoying because it insinuates that single people haven’t got a clue about what it means to like someone or want to make them happy or whatever just because we haven’t found a non-related member of the opposite gender to spend the rest of our life with.
Maybe we don’t know as much about that as married folks might, but – my dear NEFs – neither do you. You’re not married yet. The fact that we’re not engaged does not make us insensitive, selfish cretins, however we might pretend while we’re picking on you. Just FYI.
Someone’s happiness is dependent on someone else not wearing earrings?
I can understand if she made him steak. And then asked for something while he was happily chewing through it.
And if you ask anyone married after, oh, say, four minutes, if they are going to kill themselves to accommodate this person, they’d be all, “Heeeeeeell no.”
Keep the earrings, cookie. You’ll miss them.
I definitely agree. Engaged people have only made the proper decision of WHO they want to get married to, but still are as clueless as the rest of us. I imagine that some single people who have read numerous books, spent time/spoken with various married couples, and gone to a bunch of shiurim on marriage and shalom bayis given by knowledgeable rabbis and educators – may, in fact know a tad more (though granted, their knowledge is mostly book-knowledge) than their engaged friend who dated a person for 3 months and never bothered to do any of that informational research to prep themselves.
In either case, as I once read (or heard in a shiur, I forget) – really knowing anything about marriage is only acquired through actually being married. An appropriate mashul is someone who spends all his time reading stats and watching videos about baseball, including the greatest moments, etc – and has become a world-renowned expert on basbeball. BUT, put a glove and ball in his hand, and he’ll be utterly clueless and unable to play.
This reminds me of not so long ago when I went to the theatre to see Couple Retreat with a couple of married friends and one of them told me afterwards that she hoped I enjoyed it since it was all about relationships so obviously i wouldnt understand…
@Bad4 – “like” lol
@Shades of Grey – they only dated four weeks. Makes the whole story that much better, doesn’t it? 😉