Reasons for Getting Married

As Princess Lea pointed out, not going crazy is another Reason for Getting Married. Except I can’t number it – the numbering system is too messed up. I think when I first started it I was thinking of about 10 reasons, and numbered accordingly, but somewhere it got expanded, so everything is out of sync.

But actually, there are exactly ten.  So, what do you think the order should be?

Here they are, the Reasons for Getting Married:

For the health benefits

So you won’t lose it and become a socially awkward weird person

So you can blame your spouse for not letting you do things you don’t want to do

So you have someone to spoil you

Because you’re curious about what kind of person you’ll marry

To serve you chicken soup when you’re sick

To have someone to defend your honor

Because beautiful moments are meant to be shared

Because it doesn’t pay to cook for only one

To have kids, who keep you mentally alert and can stave off dementia (not to mention that they’re cute and they make sure you get placed in a nice nursing home)

Because there’s nothing more flattering than having someone who knows you as well as your parents and chooses to like you anyway

I’m aiming to keep this unisex, so there are no references to reaching high places, opening jars,  or squashing bugs.


16 thoughts on “Reasons for Getting Married

  1. What husband serves his wife chicken soup when she’s sick? I think it should be modified to “Someone other than your mother cares if you are in agony.”

    Every time my father claims illness, my mother thinks he’s faking. So he doesn’t get spoon-fed in bed.

  2. I was going to comment on the incongruity of the chicken soup line, but Lea beat me to it. My long-married friends and I, however much we love our husbands, have noticed that when we are sick we continue to do whatever we have to do – childcare, work, Shabbos preparations, etc. – but when our husbands are sick they take to their beds and basically act like little children. Not to disillusion you, but you will be lucky if having someone to spoil you persists longer than a year of marriage. This is not a rant – just stating the facts of life. Otherwise – enjoy!

  3. “I’m aiming to keep this unisex, so there are no references to reaching high places, opening jars, or squashing bugs”

    Shucks, I was going to add “to get a sheitel and not have to blowdry hair” but I think that’s unisex.

  4. chan – I actually thought that was in the list somewhere, but it didn’t come up in a search. :-/

  5. Chan- taking care of a sheitel is a lot more annoying than taking care of your real hair, although many people seem to think that their bad hair days will miraculously be solved once they plop one of them wigs down on their heads. Another thing- sheitels pick up all sorts of smells from your daily travels, and you don’t have the luxury of washing them at the end of every day, so you’re stuck with subway/greasy pizza/smoke head until you next get the chance to do so.

  6. Anonymous – you are right, but you gotta admit sheitels generally look better than hair. There are certain styles hair just can’t hold, and the daily blowdrying can get pretty time consuming. I am NOT a member of the Bad4 pony-wearing club (although I might qualify for other reasons).

  7. I have always subscribed to the pony-wearing club, and that’s what kills me about the sheitel- no matter how tightly I try to pull it back into a ponytail, it is always coming loose and falling in strands around my face. Forget about when I bike and jog! There’s just nothing like hair attached to one’s own scalp that one can pull back super-tightly without having to worry about another head of hair sprouting out from underneath!

  8. I just thought of another one, can’t believe you didn’t mention it
    NO MORE DATING! that’s got to come in at number 1!

  9. Pingback: Reasons To (Not) Get Married « Bad for Shidduchim

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