23 thoughts on “Don’t Ask

  1. But as an aside- I completely with the “don’t ask, i’ll tell what and when i want” i hate when people, even close friends, pry into my dating life.

  2. Great letter. Sorry about that…

    And that is why I don’t tell anyone when I’m dating. Saves me a lot of explaining and justifying and unwanted pity when it’s over.

  3. How disappointing. you probably abhor those comments of “are you sure” and “did you try to give it another go” and “was the shadchan good, did she get involved?” all painful albeit well-meaning comments.

  4. No can do; out of the question.
    Insppropriate prurient prying and Schsudenfraude is all we marrieds have to live for.

  5. Sorry that you have to go through this but, glad that you trust your Gut. I didn’t, and I had to learn the hard way that no one else can tell you what to overlook in a shidduch.

  6. “Would it matter a hundred years ago” is not the right question;
    “Would it matter ten years from now,” is.

    If it won’t matter ten years from now, then it shouldn’t matter now.

    I hope it wasn’t something petty like “hashkafa”

  7. you said it- it’s YOUR business. your gut is right more often than not. and forget mehadrin, get B&J.

    ishchayill- are you JOKING?

  8. GP – Well I do like to exaggerate sometimes. Breaking up with someone you’ve been seeing for a while leads to mournful feelings and it takes time to work through them. In a way, I think it’s similar to losing a family member, albeit to a much lesser extent. I was just trying to say that she should be consoled amongst the rest of the mourners of Lost Love.

  9. Bad4, you can skip this, but others-
    in my experience, when we both agreed to break up, it was really happy. it was liberating. i felt i didn’t hurt her and i felt that she didn’t want to hurt me. i have no hard feeling towards her.

    it is much better than was an ex broke off an engagement over the phone, or when people (read: girls) hide behind shadchanim to not go out again after a first date, and they are too cowardly not just to say it themselves.

  10. kisarita – love that. You’re right. But sadly, it’s not much easier to figure out what will matter in ten years than what would have mattered a hundred years ago.

    male who – you’re right, but “liberating” is only one undercurrent of feeling, and definitely not the focus of this post. 😀

  11. sorry about the last comment being a little messed up….

    great post. People’s fascination of other failed relationships is a lack of sensitivity and think that nothing is private anymore. Thinking that they can be your therapist to help you figure out what went wrong is equally bad. I leave that for my therapist (i don’t have one, but just saying) or the people I choose to confide in, noone else.

  12. So so well written. I may just copy and paste it and keep a copy handy! thanks for putting my feelings into words.

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