Not Catching the Wave

Do you ever feel like you miss all the important social trends? Kind of like getting your sticker album when everyone else is already on to Lisa Frank stationery. Or getting Facebook when everyone is already Twittering. Or hearing that it’s “girl season” and you’ve had a boy. More to the point, like when people say things like:

It seems that a wave of engagements is sweeping the blogosphere.

~ Musings of a Maidel

Wow, it seems like shidduch-related bloggers are dropping like flies from navigating the airspace of dating woes and landing on the road to the chuppah in the bliss of newly-engaged-ness.

~ Shades of Grey

It would appear that many of our blogging brethren have recently been infected by an engagement malady that has been spreading virulently throughout the blogosphere (may it continue to spread further… an engagement pandemic perhaps?

~ SiBaW (because he asked)

And you’re a blogger who isn’t engaged.

Oh, it happens. Other, older, bloggers have cynically noted the crop of morose Shidduch Bloggers that pops up a few months after seminary ends and is regularly harvested, never to be read again, shortly thereafter. I’ve blogrolled more than a few in the course of my tenure here. And it is a tenure. It’s several years now that I’ve consistently failed to make like a fly and drop. Gosh, I’m practically the hoary old-timer roundabouts.

Honestly, it makes me feel a little like a social klutz. Getting engaged is the Thing to be Doing now, like going to seminary after high school, and Touro after seminary, and getting a little job on the side to finance winter break in Miami or Israel… And I’m not doing it. Oops. Did I miss the memo? Was there an article on the latest trends that I didn’t read? Why is everyone getting engaged but me? Help!

Maybe I need a lifestyle coach. Someone in a crisp suit and stiff coiffure who will meet with me once a week holding a yellow legal pad and read off, “This season everyone is going to be wearing round toes, talking about sustainable lifestyles, drinking boutique lemonade, and getting engaged.” Then I could ask all the important questions, like “Where can I find a lemonade boutique?” (Between Starbucks and your local gelato bar), “What will happen if I wear pointy?” (The fashion police will give you a ticket), and “How do I go about getting engaged?” (If I knew I wouldn’t be writing this post).  I could jot these answers down in my own pad and systematically go about being on the cusp of waves that knock people out of the air like flies.

But I guess it’s my fate. Just like getting that sticker album too late and not wintering in Miami, once again, Bad4 is just behind the crowd.

On the bright side, I did get that sticker album eventually, and I was in Miami for a marathon, so maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to this engagement thing the same way – a little late and in a roundabout way.

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24 thoughts on “Not Catching the Wave

  1. Firstly, when I saw your title I assumed your post was about google wave. Or, shall I say, the late google wave?

    Secondly, I am not engaged. Nor do I forsee any imminent engagements. Then again, there does seem to to be a bug going around. I guess I should watch for germs… 😉 Or move.

  2. Its tough out there – but keep going!!!
    Your blog maintains its high standard, which reflects on the writer – even when you might feel that ‘fashion’ is passing you by.
    Anon613-London

  3. I hope I didn’t hurt you (or anyone else for that matter) with my comment. I can’t wait to see something of similar nature on your blog – at the right time with the right one (and the right time should be soon).

  4. Whenever you do get engaged, imyh, will be at exactly the right time, not late. And once that happens, I’m gonna be even more bored at work…lol

  5. Bad4:
    I think, according to your rules, that MusingMaidel just asked for a virtual punch in the nose. MCP might have too but there was a backhanded comment nested in it so I would let it slide.

  6. @Yehuda – I know I asked for it. I was about to write IY”H by you, but I restrained myself. Maybe I’ll retract my last comment and just say thank you for the mazel tov. How’s that? Any better?

  7. I will add to Musing Maidel by saying that I honestly meant no offense, though the thought occurred in the back of my mind that in my quest for an interesting opening line I’d hurt many who were not part of this “trend.” I’m not about to go on an apologetic tirade full of “IMYH by yous” etc, but I will say that at least for me, I would never have met my fiancee unless someone had thought outside the box.

    We were introduced by someone I once went out with on a lark, based on meeting a distant relative of that first shidduch who schmoozed me up at a chance social gathering. I was in a dry spell with my traditional dating sources (friends and family serving as shadchanim), so I went on a limb (and a date) without getting a profile and only calling 2 friends of hers. After that shidduch ended, that same girl called me several months later suggesting I go out with her friend – and now we’re engaged.

    So my advice is – try something different, whether that is YUConnects/SYAS – and CERTAINLY suggest friends to people you’ve gone out with. If there was legitimately nothing wrong with the person, other than you simply weren’t compatible, why not help out a fellow single who’s also suffering in the “shidduch crisis.” I imagine if we all worked to help one another in this fashion, we’d not only have more successful dates based on compatibility, but more engagements and marriages as well.

    Sorry again for the lack of proper consideration. While no one can say for sure what each person’s individual role is in this world, I can speak from my own perspective and say that your blog has been a guiding light of sorts for me in the maze of shidduchim. I probably had dozens of conversations on dates based on your blog. As many commentors have mentions here and on other posts, you are an ever-so-talented writer with keen insights that make every post worth reading, regardless of topic.

    By comparison, if I were to drop off the face of the blogosphere in NEF-ness, I doubt many people would care. If you, on the other hand suddenly had no more reason to discuss what is bad for shidduchim, there would be an outpouring of grief and withdrawal the likes of which I can’t even imagine. I’m NOT saying you’re still single BECAUSE we all need your regular blog posts, but in your current role as a single, highly educated dater, you have become a significant figurehead of sorts, and an inspiration to the masses. So while you are still single (and hopefully, that could begin to change at any moment) utilize your singlenehood positively and keep the rest of us (myself included) reading and thinking with your provocative writing.

  8. Yehuda- eh, it wasn’t of the “imyh by you” variety, i thought it would fly. And yes, i understood that much.

  9. So the trend is engaged bloggers? Maybe I should start one only to abandon it.

    Seriously, though, I have never given in to trends. Lisa Frank breezed by me – I watched bemusedly at all the classmates frantically dealing erasers and stationary and so forth during recess. I wasn’t going to work so hard through breaks.

    Although the classic fashion statement is engagement in general, and I’m still on the hanger. Younger cousins are purchased, younger neighbors snatched off the shelves, and yet, here I am, on the clearance rack, due to store error.

    While I remain a commenter only, I offer my commiseration as a fellow non-trend follower. To everything in its time (glasses clink).

  10. I have to say that I think this is the first time that I was ever part of a trend, let alone one of its instigators. I’m not sure whether to be impressed or dismayed…

  11. Each to his/her own. And, I seem to recall a similar trend happening before, with different bloggers.
    As Israelis would say, “Yihiyeh B’Seder”.

  12. Bad4- I’m with you! I wish I was swept up in this wave of engagements. This is how the rest of us are feeling too- you put it quite well! “Did I miss the memo? Why is everyone getting engaged but me?” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  13. Gosh! I wasn’t offended! I was just observing that, once again, I’ve missed the wave.

    Anon – I didn’t forget SiBaW – he just didn’t have a quotable. There are a couple of others too…

    Yehuda – I’m going to have to give MM a little leeway. She’s [hushed voice] engaged [/] and not entirely responsible for her behavior.

  14. Engaged = temporary insanity? Good to know. Would that be a viable defense for manslaughter? “Your Honor, my client has a diamond ring on her finger and I’m sure the court is aware that ‘Bridezilla’ Syndrome is now a proven mental condition. . .”

  15. Bad4, I would love to give a quote: “It would appear that many of our blogging brethren have recently been infected by an engagement malady that has been spreading virulently throughout the blogosphere (may it continue to spread further… an engagement pandemic perhaps? 😉 ).” link here.

    Leibel, I assume Bad4 will continue blogging after she is married; I just hope she doesn’t change the blog name to bad4marriage. 😛

    Princess Lea, thanks for defending our collective honor, but I don’t think this an entertainment contest, at least I was never informed of such… As far as Bridezilla Syndrome goes, there seems to be some medical support for the condition, but like drunkenness, it would still be classified as contributory negligence. 😉

  16. If you mean that rapid forward and back motion – yes, I’ve seen a few in high school. Not common, though. We tend to go for more gentle motion, often side to side, sometimes varied with a back and forward for emphasis. If you sneak your binocs into a building across the street from a bais yaakov high school you’ll see what I mean.

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