I just started reading through some blogs yesterday to avoid updating my resume. (And by that I mean my professional resume, in case anyone thought I needed to wash my mouth out with soap.)
A few posts I’d like to highlight:
SiBaW wants to know what to say to single friends in place of “Im yirtzah Hashem by you.” I don’t really get the question. Why do you have to say something? They say mazal tov. You say thank you. Isn’t that how it goes?
Sunny copied the self description from someone else’s profile onto her own. I totally commiserate with the “How am I supposed to describe myself?” problem she had. Maybe that’s a future post. But it’s kinda funny to take the part of the profile where your personality is really supposed to shine through and use someone else’s self-description there…
I’m really, really trying to understand the problem with ‘Im yirtzeh Hashem by you’…and I’m not sure I get it. It’s a bracha, and if it’s coming from someone who really means it and really cares…what can be bad?
Has anyone ever asked you to write your own eulogy?
Didn’t think so.
I’m not about to do my own. Even though it’s for a better purpose. I just cannot do it.
eh… just bc you write well and that part “lets you shine through” many others feel it does the complete opposite…
I’m reading/learning the sefer Yom Hachupa LeChatan, and it mentions that the groom should respond to wishes of mazal tov (seemingly prior to the chupa) with “Bruchim tihiyu v’tizku gam atem l’smachot” or in my unprofessional translation: “You (or y’all? :)) should be blessed and you should also merit simchas” how does that sound?
@ Sunny, funny you should say that. Writing your own eulogy actually is a classic writing exercise. It has been assigned by composition instructor, though, I suppose, it could also be used in the context of a lecture on self-awareness.
I think the link above might be broken. Here is the correct one: http://solelyinblackandwhite.blogspot.com/2010/08/ire-of-im-yirtza-hashem-by-you.html
Completely on board with just saying thank you. Don’t need to remind me of my own self pity, thank you very much.
I don’t mind hearing we should all hear soros tovos…
In response to “Why do you have to say something? They say mazal tov. You say thank you. Isn’t that how it goes?”
I think engaged/married people are so overflowing with happiness and they want everyone to share with them. Your post made me think about this some more. See my thoughts here: http://lifeaftersterncollege.blogspot.com/2010/08/im-yirtzeh-hashem-by-you-debate.html
SternGrad, that’s definitely true. But at the same time, they must be mindful of other people’s feelings. So, saying like “we should all only hear good news” or whatever is less in-your-face.
@ Ariella, I imagine I would get an “F” if I had to write my own eulogy as an assignment :-). And at least if it were a writing exercise, I’d only be graded on style, content, grammar and syntax. Not so with shidduchim. In that case, I’m graded on who I made myself out to be in a few short sentences.
“Thank you” to “Mazel Tov” – hoe novel! It would be nice if someone did not have to say a euphemism for “You’re pathetic” after I wish them well. When it comes to shidduchim, which is supposed to be divinely organized, it seems kind of narcissistic for an engaged individual to inform you that you are worthy of Hashem’s intervention in your love life.
Or we could all decide to look at IYHBY as nothing but a social response to Mazal tov, much in the same way that the acceptable answer to “How are You?” is fine or good thank you, having nothing whatsoever to do with how you are in an actual sense. It’s social patter. Dissecting it in such detail adds weight and import to something that is a simple learned response for “polite” purposes.
I’m with mystery woman on this women. Life is only marginally about the events that occur. It’s what we make of those events that really counts.
I’ll take any brochos in whatever form they come. We are a mamleches kohanim and a brocha from any Jew has power. We never know which one will tip the scale in our favour. Although IYHBY has become totally cliched, I don’t get offended when a kalla (or the tzedakka collectors in geula) bless me. I answer amen and hope that soon we will all be celebrating our own individual simchas and the biggest simcha of all the grand wedding of Hashem and His yearning bride – Am Yisroel. Lchaim, IYH by all of us!
If you know it might bother someone, why say it? Would you say something similar when wearing maternity for the first time to a woman who does not yet have any children? I don’t think so.
Anyway, it’s not the words so much, it’s often the tone, the “I know just how hard this is for you” accompanying look, or the expectant pause where the person saying “IYHBY” waits for your grateful “thank you!!” “amein!!” etc. It’s annoying at best and demeaning at worst.
I would take it coming from the bride or groom, but that’s it.
Perhaps we can reach a compromise? 😕
“How am I supposed to describe myself?”-i think it is very difficult. not that easy to point out important issues, interests and purposes…i would be totally lost in such case