But You Never Even Met Me!

Does anyone else find it mildly insulting to hear that someone is looking into you… and then never hear from them about a date?

I always wonder about those. Particularly about who was the last person to speak to them.

Not that I think someone is turning them off me with negative information. It’s quite possible they simply realized that we weren’t compatible. But still…

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10 thoughts on “But You Never Even Met Me!

  1. What I REALLY can’t stand is when a neighbor calls up, “So-and-So just called to ask about you!” And then no date materializes. I would prefer if the neighbor didn’t tell me about it, as now I have “RE-jected!” without a date to get me down.

  2. Again, it’s a lot like a job search. For example, your neighbor’s company is hiring and he submits your resume to the hiring manager. And you never hear anything. Wouldn’t it be nice to know why you were passed up?

  3. I’m not sure if one can place “Life-Partner” within the same search parameters as “Part-Time Accountant.” One looking for an employee is searching for specific job experience; in the end, no one can be sure in what exactly they are searching for in a spouse.

    My mother says that she would not have been able to pick out my siblings-in-law from a line-up. She did not research them much, if at all. I’m not a particular fan of information asking; what does one hear except that the guy is the best thing since sliced bread, only to find him rather stale/moldy/having no whole wheat?

    Once I got negative info about a guy, only to have him be in my top 5 dates. If I am interested enough from his basic info, then I go out. But if a person is calling and fishing, just let your boychick spring for the coffee already. It’ll save everyone time.

  4. Lea, I did not mean to say that the search for a spouse is like the search for a spouse, but some of the processes Bad4 describes are eerily similar.

    Which might be telling us something.

  5. This is why my rule of shidduch dating is: Don’t get your hopes up. (See http://lifeaftersterncollege.blogspot.com/2010/06/things-i-wish-i-knew-before-i-started.html)
    I think the number of comments of “Oh, I think I know someone for you” is greater than the number of guys I’ve gone out with. These offhand remarks are completely meaningless. And I’m just curious…you never declined to meet someone based on the information you were told about them? You don’t always need to meet someone to know that there is no point in even meeting- for any number of reasons including hashkafa, personality etc. I agree that it is frustrating to hear there might be something brewing and then to never hear back, and I have experienced that, but wouldn’t you rather be spared going on a date that is completely pointless? I would.

  6. I’m not talking about when someone offhandedly mentions a fella. I mean when 3 neighbors have been asked about me. Usually if I turn someone down, it’s because their basic (resume) info was questionable. I don’t think my parents have ever made calls about someone they weren’t sure. I just go out. I don’t consider it a waste of time; I like meeting new people, even if the date isn’t THE ONE. There is definitely a lot of misinformation out there. I’d rather just meet someone and find out for myself.

  7. If someone starts trying to redt a shidduch say “well, let me know when you have one available-here’s my personal resume.” Why waste your time making endless inquiries when all parties are not going to tell you the truth anyway. Hint- another way to get to know a prospective spouse- check out the meds in his/her bathroom cabinet.

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