Random Question & Generalization of the Week

It is a sociologically observed truism that a large percentage of quietish men are attracted to lively women. There is, apparently, something very appealing to the humdrum male about coming home to a vivacious and exciting spouse, probably because she livens up his life.

What about exciting men? Is there any rule about what type of woman they like to marry?


18 thoughts on “Random Question & Generalization of the Week

  1. Dunno about exciting men, I guess they would want someone who would put up with them. Not every girl wants a husband who’s always running off somewhere. Helps if she’s the type to run off together maybe, similarly “exciting.”

    But anyway, I’m just chiming in to challenge your sociologically observed truism. I would think that a quietish man would be overshadowed by a too-lively woman. I’m not so lively myself and even I am sometimes a bit much for my quiet husband.

    So I guess maybe quiet guys with medium gals, the very lively with the very lively, and I’d guess quiet gals with medium guys too even though I don’t really have any personal examples to compare.

  2. Did I let you into my head?
    Took the words right outta my mind….the past 2 weeks – been pondering the same exact question!
    Why is it the quieter guys are so into me and my liveliness? I feel like I’m out with a wallflower or a doornail when they’re really quiet. Or I feel like I’m pulling all the weight (social-wise). It just seems unbalanced. Where does Medium Personality come in????

  3. According to the line of reasoning that opposites attract, yes, a female introvert would be naturally attracted to a male extravert, all things being equal. I believe personality typologies, such as MBTI and the like support this postulation within the context of romance. However, even the most rudimentary of sociological observations should demonstrate that a marriage comprised of two people who are not opposites most defiantly is not a perquisite for marriage… but mind you I am not a sociologist! 😉

  4. i disagree with your premise. the ‘truism’ you mentioned is a pop cultural fabrication, it’s goal being to make media more exciting, thus generating larger revenues.
    in fact, i’ve empirically observed this to not be the case

  5. Guyinla, the basis for my argument is not actually from pop culture but rather elementary physiology. While I understand your disdain for the concept I can prove it, at least within certain realms and situations, with research, ancillary data, and empirical evidence! You might want to read this: http://solelyinblackandwhite.blogspot.com/2010/05/abstract-concept-dor-yeshorim-test-of.html

    However, that is not to say that the idea that opposite always attract is universal to all character traits. Obviously every couple needs to have something in common. What I will accede to you is that in essence you are technically right, finding someone who is opposite of themselves makes for a better storyline, but it is not a crucial component of marriage.

  6. guyinla – I haven’t come across this in pop culture. If you’re referring to the comic romance genre – I don’t go there. I actually read this in a paper on personality types. It’s also borne out in observation, though I understand that’s not very scientific. While I wouldn’t say that every quiet man marries a loud woman, you will still very often find quiet, hardworking men with wives far far more exciting than they.

  7. What about the question: “Are a large percentage of lively men attracted to lively women?” Does this truism claim that the percentage of quiet men attracted to lively women is greater than the percentage of lively men attracted to lively women? Is this ‘fact’ significant only because you’d naturally tend to think that quiet men would prefer quiet spouses?

    I’d be more inclined to think that lively people, regardless of gender, stand out as being more attractive. Energy and action is compelling. I could speculate on the biological basis for this, but the fact (er, speculated truism) is that lively people stand out more and are thus more likely to be the objects of initial attraction.

    In anecdotal answer: as a “lively man,” I know that I personally would prefer to marry a lively women.

  8. Personally, I would prefer an outgoing girl, but doesn’t this leave the quiet, temimusdik girls up a creek without a paddle?

  9. I can attest that this “fact” is true in my case. I am considered quite a social butterfly. My husband is a quieter person than I am. However, he does have his friends. I am more the type to strike up a conversation with anyone while he will never do that. What’s funny is that before I went out with my hubby, my mother-in-law asked a friend of mine for info on me and said to her, “I know that she’s very outgoing. My son is very quiet. Will she be too overpowering for him?” and my friend wisely answered “no, she knows how to draw people out!” I guess that was true because we are happily married!

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