Skipping Over Gift?

Is it true that some people have the minhag to give a gift to the older sibling if they’re still unmarried at a younger sibling’s wedding?

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11 thoughts on “Skipping Over Gift?

  1. i haven’t heard of that one. i didnt get anything when my sister got married… not that i would have taken it anyway.

  2. When you come home from the hospital with a new baby, some experts advise bringhoing home a special gift for the displaced older sibling. It never worked to dispel my kids’ jealousy and I don’t think it will make the older sister of the kallah feel better either.

  3. What tesyaa said, though some kids it does work on. (Best story we heard from a friend – the older kid brought the fire truck he got to his parents and asked if they will take it back and then give back the baby.)

  4. Huh? My sister (oldest) got nothing when my brother got married (then again, she was engaged by his wedding).

  5. In the secular world, brides gives gifts to their bridesmaids, so perhaps someone thought to apply this to the bride’s sister. It really makes no sense as a consolation prize, though, as Tesyaa points out.

  6. yup. My younger brother and sis-in-law were told that they had to buy me a gift before their wedding. There are many customs/halachos (not sure which) that come into play, such as putting aside money for the wedding expenses, gift giving, writing a letter asking for mechila etc. The gift didn’t make me feel differently than i already felt, but it was nice to know that halacha/minhag took my feelings into account.
    A gute voch

  7. Yes I have heard of giving an older sibling a gift. After two of my younger siblings had gotten married I made a point of making sure my parents knew about it when the third one got engaged and I received some nice jewelry.
    I have to say, that while a piece of jewelry will obviously never make for the lack of a spouse, it did make me feel acknowledged. It also made up a tiny bit for the feeling that I did have at the previous weddings of feeling passed over and unimportant. And I appreciated that my feelings were acknowledged.
    O and all three of the younger siblings asked me permission before they got engaged- which I of course gave wholeheartedly.

  8. Never heard of this (not, of course, that it means it doesn’t exist). Like grapes up there at #1, I [hope I] would not have taken it as I too attended the wedding of my younger brother when I was still single. I like the idea of the younger sibling kinda sorta discussing the situation with the elder, but no true “mechila” or permission should be necessary. Throwing a present into this seems typical of trends to upscale the next guy: we used to just thank people who did X [hosted, visited, put up relatives for a simcha, did a favor, etc] but then it became flowers then small baskets of food, then large baskets of food including permanently usable dishware…

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