Oh, That Guy?

Did the following scenario ever happen to you?

You go out with a guy and he seems nice enough, though not for you.

A few months or even years later you hear/see something verifiable about him that makes your eyelids flip inside out. What a jerk/creep/weirdo. He didn’t seem that way on the date. Phew! What a near miss!

Now, I know nobody is perfect. And everyone has lapses when they do/act/react in a way that they are appalled by and ashamed of later on. but some people do hide pretty unpleasant traits under a pleasant exterior. How the heck are you supposed to know how a guy reacts when he’s ticked off just by dating?


18 thoughts on “Oh, That Guy?

  1. That’s what traffic/bad service/no parking spaces are for….
    (A bit of my concern with those “sit in dates” or very short dating spans is that I think every couple should date through a few annoying/exasperating situations).
    Just my two cents.

  2. G6…It’s not hard to be on your best behavior on a date, even in an annoying situation. And those “sit in dates”…most of those are so thoroughly checked out beforehand, that it makes up for the longer dating span. It’s just scary…either way.

  3. How the heck are you supposed to know how a girl reacts when she’s ticked off just by dating?

    It works both ways. There is no real way to know. This is precisely why we do so much checking into the other side before a date. I am not talking about plastic tableclothes or stack/scrape, nor am I talking about calling the references who have presumably been pre-screened. I am talking about calling neighbors, people in shul, ex-classmates who know the person but not friends and will give you the real scoop. Once you go on the date, you can only daven that you got the worst of it.

  4. I had the opposite experience, I went out with someone who I didn’t know was insane and I had a great time. I kept her on as a friend after the shidduch didn’t work out.

  5. Spill ketchup on his shirt and tie and see how he reacts.

    Truth is, there’s no guarantee. I’ve heard (and agree with this strongly) that it’s best to date for a minimum of 3 months (key is to have a long dating period and then a short engagement) and of course daven for clarity!

  6. It happened to me several times. There was once this guy that I actually liked, but he said no and married soon after our date. A few years later I found out a few tidbits about his married life – from a reliable source. No horror story there, but clearly a few eyebrow raising things and issues I wouldn’t want to/be able to deal with had this shidduch worked out. Gam zu l’toiva.

  7. information (not from the references but people who know him/her) and lots and lots and lots and lots of siyata dishmaya. i’m not lubavitch but i like their dating policy of spending and entire day together because max time spent together gives you more chance of seeing the other person’s true character.

  8. no. my experience is totally the opposite. go out with the guy, notice major social issues. and keep getting set up with him hearing what a catch he is. and even worse, someone you know marries the guy. and you start to wonder about her too…..

  9. I’ve been out with a guy who had a drink. I don’t think I got anything interesting out of it. Then again, a couple of shots isn’t really enough, is it?

  10. depends on any built-up tolerances, body weight, how much food is in the stomach, and alcohol-by-volume percentage of the consumed liquid.

    Would you have gotten anything out of it if you had a drink? I’ve gone on dates where the girl is far more laid-back when all she had was a beer (not my idea). My experience is you’re more likely to see the “real” person after some alcohol is consumed. What does the gemarah say? The truth comes out with wine? Something like that.

  11. We both drank. I had two shots also. Didn’t get him anything either, since I get quieter the more I drink.

  12. it happened to me once-i date the guy, had a gut feeling there were a couple of issues & decided to end it there. a few years later, my friend called me crying-apparently she was gonna date the guy but first she asked for a phone convo. He called her and they got into a conversation where he mentioned something about his level of ‘frumkeit’ where I was like ‘WHAT THE HECK?!’, so was my friend-she asked further, thinking if this is how he is, then she should move on, and he started yelling-yes, yelling at her and berating her over the phone. Needless to say, I felt very reassured about my decision as the issues I sorta had a hunch about-were all the issues that came out over that phone conversation. I guess-when a person gets upset, or plans don’t work out exactly how they were supposed to-the way one reacts is key~

  13. I always daven that Hashem should make it clear for me on a date. Sometimes the date may do something a little “off” and I always wonder if this was something he would normally do, or is Hashem just answering my prayers.

    My advice: Keep davening!

  14. The thing I worry about most when I date a girl is how selfish is she? I’ve dated girls who are so nice and considerate but then,when the date is i.e. uncontrollably prolonged by traffic, they turn into cranky, selfish shrews and I thank hashem for showing them to me in their true light.

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