No Guys Left to Date (or, Robbing the Freezer)

I have noticed a disturbing trend.

Back when I first started dating at age 20, the average age of the guys I was redt was around 27. (The range was an astounding 29 down to a low of 26.)

To my relief, the age dropped gradually, so at one point I was actually dating people approximately my age.

But the slope didn’t flatten out there. Now I’m consistently considering guys who are younger than me (3 suggestions in the past month).


Does anyone else see a pattern?

Add to this the fact that I’m also getting a lot of double-redts. Meaning, when people think of someone perfect for me and it turns out we’ve already dated (3 in the past two weeks).

Have I run through all possible guys already?  The thought is terrifying. Then again, it could be liberating. Maybe it’s time to abandon New York and move to Ethiopia, or some place where there’s a population of men I haven’t yet dated.

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27 thoughts on “No Guys Left to Date (or, Robbing the Freezer)

  1. Maybe lighten up on the requirements, maybe prince charming doesn’t exist and just marry the next nice guy who will have you. Are you the queen of England? Maybe you’ve watched too much hollywood propaganda and think there must be little birds singing around your head the very first moment you meet a guy?

    Listen, skip money and fancy cars, just marry a 85% baal modos who knows how to listen.
    hatzlocha rabbah

    Hey, if I hurt or angered you with these words pray forgive me, its not intended that way.

  2. You’re skills with a graph are improving, although I’ve got options closer to home (haha!!!!). Anyway to be serious an age difference of a few years isn’t a problem, I’ve gone out with women 5 years younger than me. I think the main thing to look for is maturity, middos and how well you two get along.

  3. Bad4 – honestly, if the younger guy is mature and ready for marriage, then what’s wrong with dating younger? I have a friend who told me that she went with another friend to a single’s Shabbaton. Her friend met a wonderful guy, who seemed to have the whole package, but then she found out that he’s 4 years younger. She was 23, and he was 19! Anyway, they got married.
    Same with someone else I know — once she decided to date younger, she got married to a very well respected Rav and Mohel. And with a Rabbi in my seminary — his wife is around 5 years older than he is.

    That being said, I’m a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to this topic. At this point, I can’t imagine myself dating someone years or even 1 year younger. I’ll settle for a month younger. 😀

  4. This means two things from my perspepctive. 1) broaden your horizons. There are a bunch of YU guys who I am sure would go out with you. 2) You are no longer baby-faced enough to qualify for all those older bochurim who desperately want a freshback or little girl who just graduated high school. YU guys, by and large, do not date 19, 20, sometimes even 21 year olds. At least they could appreciate your fine intellect and real world maturity instead of being threatened by it. Guys younger than you may be harder pressed to compete with older guys. Doesn’t mean they aren’t worth considering. A motivated young semicha student, who has great, concrete ambitionsof becoming a congregational rabbi would be ever so lucky to have someone like you.

  5. @ Bad4 & Sefardi Gal-What exactly is wrong with the girl is older?
    I mean I understand if you want to say that it is because usually girls are more mature than guys of their age group. So it makes sense that a 19 year old girl would not date an 18 year old guy (or even a 19 year old guy), and so too with 20 and 19. But once the girl is 23-24 what is wrong with dating a guy who is 21-22? At that point already (hopefully) the guy is mature enough. Also, I know plenty of guys that will probably remain immature into their early 30s, so why should it be dependent on age at all?

  6. Naom-

    Why do you assume that Bad4 is too picky? It’s better to hold out and wait for the right person, then to give up and just marry anyone leading to a bad marriage and possibly divorce.

  7. Mystery Woman: it’s not how many suggestions you get, it’s how many get to the point where you might even get a date. People are always full of ideas. Only about 25% ever make it beyond “Hey, I think I know a guy for you!”

  8. Wait a minute, I am still hung up on the suggestion that Bad4 marry an “85%” baal middos. What is she supposed to do with the other 15% of him?

  9. Beat it into shape, of course. 😉 Preferably turn it into a rich, handsome whatever-I’m-supposedly-looking-for.

    Naom – I’ve never looked for little birds, except with binoculars and a field guide. However, I can’t help but thinking that “85% baal middos” is a pretty narrow qualification. I’m not looking for someone to take out the garbage. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with a guy, I would like to have a better reason for doing so than “well he won’t be unpleasant.” That said, I’ve ended only 8% of my relationships unilaterally.

  10. Eh, he’s just hiding somewhere.

    That said- happiest shidduchim I know are either: a) young guy with older girl, when he had just stepped into the shidduch parsha (I know about 5 of those) b) much older guy with girl new in shidduchim. ( I know about 4 of these). These are VERY happy marriages.

    Age is a number. 😀 It all works out eventually.

  11. I have not read your blog enough to know if we are compatible but I’d be willing to correspond through email to see if it would be a good idea to go out? (Then again, I may have been redt to you without my knowledge; or with my knowledge- but I have no idea who you are. I’m curious if anyone knows who I am.)

  12. Stalk:

    1. to pursue or approach prey, quarry, etc., stealthily.
    2. to walk with measured, stiff, or haughty strides: He was so angry he stalked away without saying goodbye.
    3. to proceed in a steady, deliberate, or sinister manner: Famine stalked through the nation.

    Nope, I don’t fit any of those definitions.

    I’m sure bad4 will let me know if she thinks I am stalking her. Thank you for the advice but I think I am far from stalker territory as this is the first time I suggested correspondence, and it was out in the open and not stealthily done.

  13. Wow. Chan (any relation to jackie?), if girls do not want to be judged by the pictures they give matchmakers, they surely shouldn’t judge someone by a user-name whose purpose is to maintain anonymity. Judge me (if at all) based on my comments.

  14. It’s Chan, as in Chanie. I think we went through this.

    So you’re saying you would think the same of me whether my username was partygirlblueeyes, as if it was something more Jewish like gam-zu-letova?

  15. :-/ Erm. One doesn’t choose one’s face, but one does choose one’s username. Even if the only thought behind it was “hey, that’s a cool word” it still stands in for your person online. What one says is the second way of presenting oneself online. Of course, nobody knows if you’re a dog on the internet. So basically, you can’t judge someone entirely based on their name, what they say, or the avatar they choose. But you can assume they intend you to judge them by it.

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