Let’s Hear it for Optimism

We heart Good4.

The young lass returned from seminary excited and eager to build her BNB. So far she’s only been turned down as too fresh out of sem. She frowns. I snicker. We’re all waiting for her to land.

Still, there’s nothing like a fresh face to bring optimism and joy to an enterprise growing dull with familiarity. She intends to marry the first guy she dates, which is to say, she intends the first guy she dates to be the right guy to marry. Or, the way she puts it, “I want to go out with my husband already!”

“You mean you want a date?”

“No, I don’t want to date. Dating is yucky. I want to meet my husband.”

“How do you know what dating is like?”

Incredulous stare.

“Okay fine. But when you say it like that it sounds like you’re anticipating an arranged marriage.”

Then there was the time the Pater pointed out that she had put her age down on her shidduch profile. “You’ll have to update it every year if you leave it like that. Change it to your birth-year.”

Good4 considered this idea briefly and then discarded it. “Nah, I won’t be needing this for that long.”

We can hope and pray.

25 thoughts on “Let’s Hear it for Optimism

  1. (four weeks from now)

    Him: Good4, before we go to your parents’ house for the lechayim, there’s something you should know about my family.
    Good4: Alef-mem-gimmel. Your single older brother? He’s gay, isn’t he? I KNEW IT!
    Him: Um, no. No, not at all. Actually, he’s…
    Good4: Diabetic? Psychotic?
    Him: No, he’s a…
    Good4: Kleptomaniac? Gym teacher? WHAT?
    Him: He’s a blogger.
    Him: I mean, he USED to be a blogger. It’s over now. But he had this blog, you see, and because he’s so intelligent and witty and erudite it was one of those really successful blogs, which makes lots of money from ad revenue and yet has no lashon hara or rechilus or anything. Actually, it was mekarev a lot of people l’torah. He’s also an excellent Scrabble player, and he has great personal hygiene. But it got in the way of him dating, so he’s now really quite wealthy and attractive and single.
    Good4: I… I don’t know what to say.
    Him: Well, that’s who he is, and I wanted you to know before anything else happened. Do… do you want to back out?
    Good4: Hmm. Maybe we can work this out…

  2. Maybe there is an advantage to putting down an age rather than a year of birth. You can be 19 forever, at least on paper. You could alway explain after the fact that a birthday or two or three has passed since you first wrote it.

  3. Loving the Alef-Mem-Gimmel.

    And Dr Brown, being deceptive is not going to help someone get a shidduch any faster.

  4. Bwahahaha. Ah, the old “Fresh-back” rejection, I remember those days – and have seen it more recently with a few girls I know who are trying to start dating. At least they aren’t saying she’s too old 😉

  5. Miriam, we must buy you a pair of rose colored glasses. If HIM told me that about his big bro, I would set him up with my sister… Bad4. You’re all just jealous of my optimism. How sad for you. Happy dating!! (smirk)

  6. Let’s be frank – your current status may terrify your sister into marrying the first thing in a black hat she goes out with (no offense, Good4).

    My sister dated 60+ guys, for the entirety of my childhood. That experience did not leave me frantic to marry, rather that I shouldn’t say no to a guy without something really valid. We are very different from each other, and I am looking for someone different than whom she married (no offense, bro-in-law).

    As Sephardi Gal said by a different post, it’s not hard to find a guy to marry. Marrying the guy that is really, truly, meant for you means sometimes sticking to your spinster guns (to reiterate, sometimes). Some people are blessed (by the big Matchmaker in the sky) with an incredibly easy shidduch experience. Some are not. From all of the various maladies out there, I’m ok with this one (Rabbi Reisman recently listed a number of such things, and how none are free of one of them).

    It’s not assur for two brothers to marry two sisters, if that’s what Anonymous was going for. Two of my great aunts married two brothers. A man should not marry two sisters. But that’s kind of moot.

  7. That was pretty funny Bad4.

    Princess – Many of your comments on this blog make you seem pretty intelligent, but the fact that your family members did something does not make it correct by any means.

    I don’t claim to know a lot of Torah, but I thought that in such a case, if the older brother dies childless, God forbid, then the younger brother has a problem with Yibum. I would be glad to be corrected by anyone.

    Good4 – Much Hatzlachah to you.

  8. Anonymous — I know two separate families, one black hat/yeshivish and one lubavitch, where two brothers married two sisters.

    I suspect in the unfortunate case of one of the brothers dying childless, chalitza would be in order, just as it would be if the surviving brother were to be already married to a non-related woman. Levirate marriage is very very very rare these days, and chalitza no longer carries a huge stigma.

  9. Two brothers are Halachically allowed to marry two sisters, although R’ Yehuda HaChassid frowned upon it (so those of you who don’t shave on Rosh Chodesh – and I would assume most of the readers here don’t, albeit for slightly other reasons – shouldn’t). I know several people who did.

    And in a case of one brother dying childless r”l, there would NOT be yibbum OR chalitzah – the halacha is that in such a situation the widow is free to marry whoever (whomever? whatever.) she wants.

  10. What? Two brothers can’t get married to two sisters just in case yibum has to be done? That doesn’t make any sense. Look to Yehudah and Tamar – it only applies if the little brother is still single. My grandfather did chalitza in the old country. No worries.

  11. “Look to Yehudah and Tamar” Meaning, Yibum only applies if the boychick is still single. But I don’t understand how two brothers married to two sisters would change things at all there.

    Also, where in Judaism do we find that a marriage should not happen because of a “just in case”?

  12. Hey Princess Lea,

    I was incorrect. I hope I didn’t offend you. It was just me running my big mouth (or fingers if you prefer). BTW, where did your grandfather and great aunts live? And what religious circles were they affiliated with?

    A Gutten Choydesh to everyone.

  13. Hey Bloop, maybe you could teach us about Yehuda and Tamar next? How about a diorama? 😉

    Princess Lea, the halacha has nothing to do if the younger brother is single. Even if the younger brother is married, he still has a mitzvah of yibbum, unless his sister in law (or ex sister in law I guess) is an ervah to him (EG mother in law, sister in law, etc).

  14. MCP – to reiterate, then chalitzah is done, and no worries.

    Anonymous – I’m not exactly sure what religious circles has to do with the matter, as it is not an issue at all no matter where you are. But they were from the “moving border” territory in formerly known as Czechoslovakia. They were what I consider myself – an Orthodox/observant Jew. One sister was married before the war, the other sister married after it, to two brothers.

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