Line of the Weekend

Not this weekend, but two weekends ago, the following was overheard at the Ohr Na’ava shabbaton, from one of the shadchanim to one of the young female guests:

“You should always wear a little bit of makeup. Even at the gym, you should put some on. Because, you never know…” wink wink nudge nudge.

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39 thoughts on “Line of the Weekend

  1. There are few things that incense me like the makeup comment. For heaven’s sake, is there no one who appreciates a woman’s natural beauty anymore? Clearly the first thing one’s husband will see in the morning will not be one’s perfectly painted face. So what is this pressure to present yourself as you are not, if you aren’t inclined to do so??? I’m thrilled that I’ve never worn makeup in my life and my husband thinks me the most beautiful woman in the world.

  2. i disagree with m’lady- this has nothing to do with beauty,. this has to do with always having to be in top form, even in a place where one is meant to be sweaty. its about never letting down your guard. and that makes me very unhappy. its also coming from a mentality that believes that only the perfect can possibly get married. lack of makeup or a few extra pounds (like 5) can get in the way of happiness. because Hashem cant possibly help someone like that find their bashert!!!

  3. …or, she can use this opportunity to weed out the boys who are shallow, or at least the ones who do not think she is beautiful without makeup.

  4. GP- gym doesn’t have to be coed for her advice to apply- in shidduchim it is all about looking your best not because a guy might see you and be interested (although there is that as well) but because another girl/woman might see you and think of a boy for you.

  5. This comment is seriously rant worthy! Who says that? The gym is for working out..people wear makeup to the gym yes..but that is their personal decision not for anyone to suggest! that is RUDE! and so not called for!

  6. It’s a suggestion, not a command. These girls are asking for advice, the shadchan is giving her personal opinion, nobody is forcing them to listen. If they choose to follow like sheep (albeit well groomed sheep) that’s their problem.

    And for all those who think that since the guy will inevitably see her without makeup on means that he should see her like that now also, when you go/went/send your daughters on first dates, do you say they shouldn’t wear makeup so the guy gets an idea of what he’s in for?

  7. My friends, don’t you know the single girl’s world is filled with potential mothers-in-law?! (Excude me while I gag)

  8. all the shadchan was saying was that she should look good always. instead of saying “make sure you always look good” she said “make sure you always wear make up”. its really not bad advice for girls that don’t look too flattering without makeup.

  9. I think there is some truth to the idea of looking presentable, regardless of location/activity. Taken in a less offensive way, it would mean there’s a difference between wearing a nice workout outfit and a grungy, old t-shirt and sweatpants with a hole in the knee.

  10. I agree with mcp. Frankly, I’ve been on more than one date where I felt the girl didn’t take the time to try to present herself well. I know that when I wake up in the morning she wont look like that. But theres this thing called attraction that god made that helps us get past the beginning stages and get to know the REAL and ATTRACTIVE you that is not based on the way you physically look. But until then, we need a little superficiality. Kinda like bait. Do you go fishing without putting on bait?

  11. frum people are the most superficial EVER when it comes to dating.
    Do you think for a second non Jewish women aren’t out to catch a man???? But you don’t see them falling for this hogwash.
    מי כעמך ישראל

  12. While part of me hears that, I’m not really sure I agree. Was this girl particularly blemished? If she has something she needs to cover up then I agree, otherwise, I say natural beauty is the way to go. Plus, it saves tons of time in the morning! I can’t stand those women who look like clowns everyday, the point in makeup is not to paint your face, it’s there to bring out what your momma gave you. Number one hate? Bright blue eye shadow paired with red lipstick…EWWW.

  13. FF-“what your momma gave you” generally does not refer to anything that is accentuated by makeup…just sayin…

  14. Haha! Thanks for pointing that out MCP! I was actually trying to kosherize the phrase but it seems that I’ve failed…it’s kind of like those Jewish music artists who try and put pesukim to a dirty secular song…it just don’t work… 😉

  15. So singles have to be made up even in the most of impractical situations, whereas married folk can let themselves slide? They hooked the fish, so why bother? I would think that making that extra effort should apply to both the single and married – husbands like it when their wives make a little effort (the husband should make an effort in other ways).

    It’s amazing what a couple of coats of mascara and a tinted moisturizer does. It doesn’t have to be insane makeup (even though that’s my preference) but just a little paint.

    Once, I too would shriek about natural beauty. But I succumbed to Sephora.

  16. Bz – You really can’t know how much effort a woman put in to her appearance. She can be wearing a great deal of makeup in natural tones and styles in an effort to appear both natural and gorgeous, instead of the blue eyeshadow, black kohl-style eyeliner, and glossy lipstick often favored by those who apply makeup like a mask.

  17. Zn- Nobody is saying we need to know how much effort goes into it, as long as she looks good that’s fine. But the “au natural nose hair sprouting love me for my inside even though it’s only a first date so you have no way of knowing what the inside is like” is inexcusable.

  18. Zn – I think that’s what Bz means – the seemingly natural with a lot of effort. If the guy can’t see any pores and the lips are just enhanced and the lashes a little thicker, while it may look natural it simply isn’t. But you still look awesome. Without that bit of effort, you would have redness by the nose and cracked lips and sparse lashes.

    While I like kohl for myself, not every dude does. But some enhancement is always noticed.

  19. thank you princess for answering Zn for me. And I agree that once you’re married, the effort is GREATLY appreciated and no one should be sliding.

  20. But if the girl puts on makeup to look better, then isn’t that a mekach ta’us? the gemara talks about how the mother/sister of the chosson would check out the kallah in the bathhouse to make sure she wasn’t deformed-otherwise it would be a mekach ta’us and would not even require a Get.

  21. Guyinla- I’m pretty sure that was to check for a mum only, not to make sure she’s pretty without any makeup on and funny when she tells the punchline wrong (*slap* sorry stuck in my head). Besides for the obvious fact that any guy who would claim mekach taus after his wedding because she wasn’t quite as pretty without makeup is not ready to be married regardless, makeup is not a cure all. An pretty girl is pretty without it, and an ugly girl is still ugly with it, it just helps a little bit, and makes a girl look more presentable.

  22. Let me interject another perspective. When I was a young guy we had the same thing thrown at us. Always look good because you never know.

    Further, several of my young “stud” friends spent more time primping to go out on the street than I would have for all the weddings I ever attended. Looking “good” must take work. I suspect women have more to do to achieve whatever look they wish. Men, with more limited options don’t have to work so hard but there is still, to paraphrase an old anthro book, a need to present one’s self in everyday life.

    It may be wrong on some idealistic or philosophical level but, pragmatically, it seems to work.

  23. Agree with comment No. 2. I absolutely hate visible makeup. Lipstick is a deal breaker. So are visible eyeliner and rouge. Moisturizer and clear complexion stuff is okay.

  24. Well, my wife met her future mother- (and sister-)in-law… at the POOL! No chance of makeup there…

    OTOH, it does prove that you never know where you’re going to be seen, noticed, scouted, etc. So at least be careful how you act, speak, and so on.

    Then again, because of the circumstances my wife was purely *herself* at the pool, and spoke her opinionated mind about everything. The result? My mother came home and announced: “I just met the perfect girl for you! Smart and beautiful!”

    And, AFAIK, my wife has worn makeup exactly once in her life – at our wedding. Never bothered anyone, least of all me.

  25. Most of the stories I’ve heard about future daughter-in-laws spotted in public included how un-dressed up and off-guard they were. The gym story, the subway story, and the pool… moral? Just be yourself.
    (Although in the subway story, the mother-in-law complimented her daughter-in-law on how nicely she cleaned up.)

  26. ok so since guyinla doesnt know too much about how to learn and only knows a few catch phrases from the gemara ill say it simply. this is not a mekach taos. period. end of story. as a matter of fact the gemara (not a shadchan) says that a girl should wear make up at her own fathers funeral if she is not married because eyes are watching. and whats more interesting this is bought down in poskim and the halacha follows this view. so ladies, paste up.

  27. c’mon people (and by people i mean “so what”) you need to lighten up a bit. it’s a somewhat-pertinent gemara that i mentioned- mostly in jest. i just think a lot of makeup can look ridiculous and advise against it. i know that’s not exactly what bad4 was talking about, but it’s certainly relevant to the topic. i’m sorry i didn’t realize i was in the presence of a posek. btw you are only partially correct in saying that it’s not a mekach ta’us. if it’s not something that would have prevented him from marrying her then it’s not. but if it would have prevented at least the average guy (and possibly even just him) from marrying her and she concealed it then it absolutely is a mekach ta’us. period.end of story.:) (the gemara’s case is where she didn’t even do anything.) granted, it would not be easy to find such a case. however, i’m sure someone like you, who really knows how to learn gemara, knows that using a hypothetical case while discussing gemara is perfectly usual. i may ,or may not, know how to learn gemara, but i don’t see how you could conclude either way from what i wrote.

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