A while ago G6 compiled a list of most common household lines. It seemed like a fun idea to apply to dating. Because, let’s face it: there’s a lot of repetition in dating.
Sometimes, right after the “so which seminary did you go to” and following the “where are your siblings?” I begin to wonder if I haven’t been on this date before. Who knows? Maybe I’m caught in one of those infinite loop dreams. I’ll just sit in lounges answering questions about my older sister’s seminary choice over and over and over again forever… Oh look! I’m still drinking water and he’s still drinking diet coke. It really is an infinite loop!
Here are a few lines that come up in every loop of the dream:
“So, where to?” This is usually the first thing I say to a guy, once we’re out on the front porch. After “thanks” if he ushers me through the door first. I do recall one time when I did ask a different first question. He was from out of town and, weirdly enough, there was a beat up red pickup parked in front. Who could resist?
“That yours?” I asked.
“I’m not from that far out of town,” he protested.
I think the most common question I get is “So, what exactly do you do again?” As if I knew. Homework, mostly. It is always closely followed by “So, where do you plan to go with that?”
My standard answer: “Out of town.”
The “Do you have any siblings?” line of query bores many people. Its purpose is usually to save a flagging conversation. I don’t mind it, and I like serving it right back at my dates. Let’s face it: when you’re really interested in a person you want to know all about them and where they come from. Siblings may be completely irrelevant before you meet, but once you’ve decided you like someone, they’re as relevant as his favorite Dr. Seuss book, the tree house he built when he was ten, and where he grew up. That said, if a guy fishes this question out on a shidduch date, chance are quite good it’s a sign of conversation failure, not relationship success.
“Is that a parking spot?” Yeah. The hazard of dating in New York City. Usually this is answered by “No, it’s a hydrant – you can see it barely poking out above the garbage bags.” Or “No parking there for another half-hour.”
“Shall we go?” That’s it – it’s over. Sometimes this line is met with relief and a hasty rise and donning of the coat. Other times it’s met with an incredulous glance at the watch and a truly astonished “It’s already midnight?”
Okay yeah, that’s only five. But you know what? Top ten lists are hard to write. Somewhere around seven or eight you get stuck and wind up IMing random people to ask for help and that still only gets you to nine. At which point you get desperate and come up with a really weak one, which you tuck in as #6 hoping people won’t notice it there, and then you sit back. Nobody ever does comment that “six seems a little weak” so you assume nobody realized, even though probably everyone did.
Well, what’s the point? Here’s five. If you want a top ten list, fill in the last five yourself. I’m content to leave it only half-populated. I’d change the title to “Top Five” but that just doesn’t have the same ring to it.