Hide Your Shidduch Profiles in Shame

What is the purpose of a shidduch profile?

I would say to

1 – Convey the most germane information about its subject for matchmaking purposes and

2 – Intrigue potential matches enough that they want to date the subject.

Chas McFeely is a 40-year-old single guy who has reinvented the shidduch system in an effort to marry himself off.  To that end, he’s created an online profile and recruited his entire network of family and friends in trying to set him up. He’s even offering shadchanus!

The impressive thing about McFeely’s shidduch profile is that, unlike most of the utilitarian word documents that float around the shidduch system, his actually does that. With ten photos, eight of them lightly captioned, he conveys a pretty well-rounded image of his personality, lifestyle, sense of humor, and general appearance. Moreover, it leaves you wondering, “Do I know any music-loving, Scrabble-playing women on the west coast?”  Unlike most of the profiles I read, which leave me wondering, “If he sounds the same as the last six guys I’ve gone out with, is that good or bad?”

I think I’m going to become a proponent of interesting shidduch profiles. Hey, a cartoon profile got Stupid Inventor matched up.

I reformatted my own profile a few months ago and have been noting responses with a sociologist’s eye. Out of the dozen or so people I know it’s been sent to
– Three looked askance.

Of those three,

– One refused to use it.

– Two said, “Well I guess it weeds them out early on.”

In addition,

– Nine spontaneously and without prompting sent their compliments and said it gave them a better idea of who I am.

Of these nine,

– Four said it made them more certain than before that I’d hit it off with their nephew/brother/cousin/son/friend.

– Another four didn’t have anyone specific in mind (they had just vaguely offered to set me up), but actually called me back to discuss “what I’m looking for.”

So, thus far, I’d say jazzing up a profile is mostly a good idea.

Moreover, if a particular shadchan thinks it’ll freak out the Suggestion, (s)he won’t pass it on. A friend of mine, when asked to attach a photograph of herself to her profile, sent the best and most recent photo she had. It was at the zoo, and she had a giant python around her neck. It was only after their engagement that she and her fiancée found out that his mother had suppressed the photo.

So, do you need to spend a thousand dollars filling a website with professional photos of yourself wearing everything from a suit to tennis whites?  Probably not. But the McFeely comparison test is, when people finish reading your dossier, do they care about you at all?

Hat Tip to Cubic Zirconium for sending me the link.

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21 thoughts on “Hide Your Shidduch Profiles in Shame

  1. Why don’t you redact your profile and post it here? You get enough hits on your blog that maybe it will pay off by having the right guy “hit” on you?

  2. 100% Success rate with my cartoon profile!
    (My lovely aishes chayil claims she already said yes before seeing it, but I know the truth…)

    I also have a 100% Success Rate for taking a girl to see Walking With The Dinosaurs for a first date, but that’s a discussion for another post…

  3. Any affiliation between you, bad4, and stupid inventor? I’ve never heard of stupid inventor before today.

  4. in a world that’s filled with similar looking resumes, it makes sense that the one that stands out is the one that will get looked at. my mother spruced up my resume about six months before i dated my husband. it was slightly tongue-in-cheek, which reflected my family’s opinion about the shidduch system in general. when my husband and his mother were looking at resumes, part of the reason they chose mine was because of the way it looked-a little different than everyone else’s

  5. JWG, I’m sure there are non-creepy guys who lurk around this blog also…although not many.
    LSD, I doubt a screen name like that is going to help get you any dates.
    FCG, your family hates the system? I never would have guessed…;)

  6. Hey Maritally Challenged Person (a.k.a. MCP), your acronym aint so hot either!

    Besides, I hope a sagacious female can discern beyond my screen name. I am merely an attorney knowledgeable in the distilled spirit who is halachically drunk once a year. Funny, because of my willpower and presence of mind, this purim when I was extremely drunk, family members just thought I was “buzzed.”

  7. LSD, no offense was meant there, although that’s not what MCP stands for (its way better than that), especially considering the fact that I am getting married this week. I have no problem with drinking – I got drunk twice over shabbos (that’s what aufrufs are for, right?) I was saying if you identify yourself as a heavy drinker (whether or not you actually are) via your screen name, you will turn off even the girls who are OK with drinking in general (like my wonderful Kallah 🙂 )

  8. Aufrufs are not for getting drunk. (Fun fact: some people have a minhag not to have an afruf.) So where do you shop- grapevine, goldpath, or shopper’s haven?

  9. he’s paying 10k for the one who hooks him up. while that’s impressive, it’s probably not top shadchanus gelt, there are plenty of shadchanim who charge more.

  10. Ive recently stumbled across a resume of a girl who had her PICTRUE as the background of the resume……..ok mayb it was on the side but it still ran the full length of the page….anyhow we (my mother and I ) took one look and tossed it in the trash……..Different ? yes! Appropriate? no
    That is in the typical non yeshivish yeshiva world……….
    and yes she was definitely decent looking even pretty

  11. Hookchasup.com – that’s hilarious! Great idea. I hope it works out for him.

    Maybe I’m missing the boat here, but how can someone jazz up their resume?? The most impressive part of my profile is that it’s a microsoft word document.
    (Yeah, it’s pretty boring.)

  12. @Double trip- yes.

    And I like that you were the first to figure out that lawschooldrunk are really the initials for my name! DSL= David Shmuel Lieber. Congrats.

  13. Non yeshivish yeshiva world-
    as in part of the yeshiva circles -ie bais yaakov, black hat and other various external descriptions that are used to depict a a population subtype
    but not YESHIVISH which can be defined many ways but ie. would never go to college, greasy……….
    honestly i think its a great phrase

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