Singles Events Dynamics

Things I Learned from My First Singles Event

1 – While interested and engaged in conversation, everyone is far more attractive than while frozen in their profile pictures. In fact, the difference can be startling. Note to self: Never look at another profile picture ever again.

– A surprising number of men who are in their mid-twenties (or who claim to be) have a surprising number of white hairs coming in.

2 – Women go to singles events because they figure they have to give it a shot. Men don’t, because it isn’t cool. As a result, there are three types of singles in the room: skeptical women, desperate men, and indifferent men who showed up only because someone twisted their arm.

3 – As a result, the skeptical women find themselves in prolonged contact with men who are either desperate and therefore uninteresting, or who are uninterested, and therefore interesting.  This is not simply a matter of wanting what you can’t have. People who don’t care tend to be more relaxed, easygoing, and open. They also don’t want to go out with anyone afterward.

4 – The guy who you find the easiest and most interesting to speak to will be someone who is hashkafically incompatible with you. Conversely, the guys you guess to be hashkafically within range will begin to sconcer a few minutes into conversation.

5 – The following dance will be occurring around the room in many different fashions:

Single A approaches Single B with body language that says “Not that I’m hitting on you or anything, but we might as well get to know each other.” Single B converses with Single A for a few moments and then begins to sconcer, either due to actual disinterest or to avoid looking like (s)he is hitting on Single A. Single A recognizes the body language and, to avoid looking desperate, replies in kind. They smile in parting and drift off, each thinking (possibly regretfully) that the other is not interested.

The only exception to this is the awful person you wind up talking to who simply fails to recognize all your hints (“Something happening back there? Something in your eye? No? So as I was saying…”) until you finally escape to the bathroom. If it’s not your day, (s)he’ll be waiting outside.

6 – Learned from a conversation starter cue: The hobby most people regret not taking up involves learning to play a musical instrument. Which reminds me, I really want to take that guitar seriously after I graduate…

7 – Those people who seem to have no trouble striking up animated conversations with each other? They know each other from beforehand. And past singles events.

8 – At least once in the course of the event you will wonder if the organizers even read the extensive profile you filled out, and if so, why they put you at a table with these people.

9 – It really is nice being able to see someone in a relatively normal setting before having to go out with them. Or not going out with them. Point is, the interactions (and actions) are more natural. So, points in that category.


9 thoughts on “Singles Events Dynamics

  1. Your description of single events is spot on. Plus a few other points:

    1 – All the women have amazing careers, yet

    2 – Since the room is filled with either desperate men or disinterested men, the former tend to have weird, unimpressive jobs, while the latter is lawyer or medical student, meaning all the women are throwing themselves at that group, who have no intention of dating anyone at this function anyway.

    3 – The one guy who is interested in you is the one guy you went out with already.

    4 – The shadchanim insist on “moving things along” and bringing up topics of conversation, which merely exacerbates the awkwardness.

    5 – I never want to go on one of those things again. Ever.

  2. I am happy I play a musical instrument already.

    And, as “impressive” as a lawyer maybe, many of them are unfortunately unemployed these days or practicing in a field of law that is not their ideal. Now, where are all those women throwing themselves at lawyers, Princess Lea? I don’t think I was ever the recipient of this gracious and generous act, or else I’d be full of rapture and felicity.

  3. Not yet, but if you wind up going to more singles events and #4 happens again and again maybe you should reconsider either the role of hashkafah in relation to your dating or (less recommended) reconsidering what your hashkafah really is.

    But, you’ve got time for a while. Hopefully, this won’t be an issue much longer.

  4. Spot on! I should show THIS to my parents next time I have to explain why I don’t want to go to another one of these things.

  5. Pingback: Get Thee to a Shadchan! (If You’re Male) « Bad for Shidduchim

  6. Pingback: I Think I’ve Seen You Before | Bad for Shidduchim

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