Don’t get me wrong, SoG: sheitels are delicate things. Nothing grows back, so you have to be careful when you wash and brush not to yank hairs, and that caution goes double for trimming and using heat tools when styling.
To be honest, we’re not really jealous. We like our hair better than any wig. Except when we like a wig better than our hair. There’s a reason why everyone in Hollywood owns one. It’s not that they’re less work – it’s just that they’re less work at some very critical moments when our natural hair completely fails us. Like in the morning, on road trips, and on yomim tovim, to name a few.
When I wake up in the morning, my hair looks like this:
Your wife’s sheitel looks like this:
I need to shower, marinate my hair in conditioner, tease out the tangles, then spend a half-hour or so styling it with clips and things to get it looking like this:
Your wife’s sheitel doesn’t need daily washing and styling. A twirl and a brushing and it looks like this:
After plane flights, long car trips, or a nap in the lazy chair, my hair looks like this:
Your wife’s hair, pinned to a head in a specially purchased box looks like this:
On the second day of a chag, my hair looks like this:
Your wife’s hair looks like this:
By the third day, your wife’s hair still looks like this:
But mine looks like this:
And I’m beginning to be jealous of this:
If your wife doesn’t like her hair, she can just take it off and put in a box. I can only tie mine back and try to slick it into a socially acceptable shape with some water, a strategy that works fine until the water evaporates, leaving frizz behind.
When does the score even out? When it rains. We both end up looking like this:
But I just need a shower. Your wife needs help.
Care of a sheitel is nothing to sneeze at. It needs to be treated like – well, like a delicate, thousand-dollar hairpiece. It’s one of the scariest parts of getting married. And let’s face it – nobody really wants to wear one.
But you will have to be very persuasive to convince me that it doesn’t have one or two huge advantages over natural hair.
Go ahead, O MFs. Try.