Sometimes I wonder if it’s at all possible to give a grandmother nachas while still single. It’s kinda frustrating. All the responses below are taken almost verbatim, although, to be fair to my grandmothers, they were not all from the same person in a single conversation.

Grandmother: Bad4, it’s so nice to see you. Nu, what’s happening? When do we get to hear some nachas from you?

Me: Gran! I graduated!

Grandmother: That’s great. What’s next, a nice young man?

Me: With honors. And I won an award too.

Grandmother: I don’t understand why such a smart girl like you can’t seem to find a shidduch. Maybe you scare off the boys?

Me: I’m moving to Lakewood to be near my awesome job for an international corporation.

Grandmother: That’s good. I hear there’s a yeshiva there. Maybe you’ll meet someone. You know what they say: shoneh makom shoneh mazal.



22 thoughts on “Grandmothers

  1. I guess it just depends. My grandparents just cant wait for me to be a “doctor” and have repeatedly warned me not to drop out of school just because of some guy. It just depends.

  2. Sounds like I could have written this post. My grandmother is the only grandparent I have left and I see her at least once a week. It is impossible for her to not bring up this topic and make it a major part of the conversation. I must add though; she usually asks about my job as well.

    She says to me: How long do you think I’ll live (She just turned 89 Bli Ayin Hara). I want to see nachas from you already.

    My typical response: Why not say that to G-D…

  3. Sorry that posted mid-type.

    Nah, even once you are married you can’t give them nachas till you give them a grandchild.

    “Nu, any news from your wife (wink wink nudge nudge)”

  4. Ha! My grandmother is the same way. I am her only grandchild who has graduated college (out of 7 who are post-HS), but everyone else is married with kids. And she does the same shtick as Single Guy’s grandmother. “I just want to come to your wedding already” is her favorite line, said about once a week.

  5. Obviously she feels that it’s your job to give her grandchildren. You’re young and single so why wouldn’t she think like that?

  6. I am so glad that neither of my grandmothers are that type! One has mentioned that she would love to have great-grandchildren, but between the two of them that is the most they’ve said on the topic.

  7. There’s nachas and there’s nachas. THE imperitive of Jews who have made it this far for several thousand years is continuity. I am very proud of all my kids and grandkids but think that I would be somewhat sad if I could not see another generation. My folks survived Hitler’s hell and were not all that proud of me but once my oldest was born my father was at peace for the first time that I knew him. It’s not fair nor rational but it is an observed phenomenon. Perhaps it is the human instinct for immorality.

    You see this with the phenomenon of folks who invite their deceased relatives to weddings and you hear it when speakers at these celebrations refer to the presence of deceased relatives.

    The other accomplishments are appreciated but this is perhaps the telos of jewish existence. There may even be reference to this idea in the tanach.

    In any case it is not lack of appreciation for what grandkid has accomplished rather it is the transmission of genes that is the fundamental drive behinds this “hachas” quest.

    BT”W for all of you thank you fate that you knew grandparents. I knew very few kids with grandparents when I grew up. (off topic)

  8. @Chaim. Perhaps I came across a little frustrated with my grandmother. It is not what I meant. B”H I enjoy a very close relationship with her, and I do feel blessed to still have her around and I do agree with her point. I too would do anything to have her around when I get married, only the timing is not entirely up to me.

    By the way; I am far from her first grandchild, She has Bli Ayin Hara several hundred descendants including a few of the fifth generation. I am however the eldest of her youngest.

  9. The instinct for immortality was neither out of line nor a freudian slip. People don’t want to die. Most people outside of Choni Hamagol want to go on living forever. If you think through many of the Jewish stories you hear you will find a theme that can fit into that category.

    You will also find it in secular thought. Was it Newton that said the reason he could see as far as he did was because he stood on the shoulders of giants,
    or, Donne, No man is an Island unto himself etc.

    We as Jews transmit a mesorah. That is both book and behavior. When we transmit that we are passing a piece of that on to the next generation. I won’t go on much more, but think about it. Most of you were raised in a generation of Gadol worship. Without putting anyone down or minimizing their importance, all of you FFBs came from families who are relatively unknown to the wide world and you are observant Jews from the way you tie your shoes to the content of your yiddishisms. This was transmitted by generation after generation with cost and dedication.

    I am certainly not putting any of you down or calling you out on your feelings regarding this. It is hurtful and demeaning to you. What I am trying to do is to put some perspective on the grandparent’s point of view. You all know they are for the most part not being purposely hurtful they are just revealing the culture they were brought up in and expressing their hope for what they think is good for you and the Jews.

    Agree or disagree it is just another point of view. In 40 years review this and mail me aote to my grave telling me how you view your grandchildren’s behavior and accomplishment.

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