Must Love Dogs

Let us consider a strange scenario: a mother feeding her newborn for the first time. Objectively, the feast is the  celebration of an oversized parasite graduating from living off the bloodflow of one organism to living off the cashflow of two. And yet, in spite of this, the mother adores the thing and even, in defiance of all rules of aesthetics, thinks it’s cute.

How does this come to pass?

The answer, my friends, is oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter also known as the Hormone of Love. Invisible during the scene we just imagined, the mother’s brain is awash in the stuff. It’s a sort of hormonal beer goggles that turns a red, wrinkled, squished body-ruining parasite into the most beautiful baby ever born. Oxytocin also flows during good dates but not, it hardly bears stating, during family reunions.

So, do you think a girl is perfect in every way, but fear that oxytocin is not flowing when she’s with you? Here’s how a clever, neurologically informed fellow gets the girl in the modern era:


Studies show that oxytocin levels rise when a person pets a dog, especially the big comfy kind that gaze adoringly into your eyes. Granted, the oxytocin is created by bonding with the dog. But does the brain know that? There’s only one way to find out.

So instead of visiting a lounge or an arcade, why not take your date to volunteer at the local pound? You’ll improve the lives of some poor doomed dogs and maybe even catapult your relationship several dates forward.

Or you could just invest in an oxytocin spray and pretend it’s air freshener for your car.


8 thoughts on “Must Love Dogs

  1. While oxytocin is the attachment hormone, it tends to create platonic love feelings/attachment, without -or negating -attraction. Just be careful with your dosage if you’re talking about romance…

  2. It has been shown (sorry I don’t remember where I read it) that people are more likely to talk to people who are out walking dogs so it might help you to dispense with shadchanim.

  3. HA, funny post. Interesting note… I once took a date to a pet shop and convinced them that the girl was my wife and we wanted a dog but would like to play with the puppies first to make a decision. It was a very fun hour of playing with puppies.

  4. JewishWhiteGuy – that sounds like an amazing date!

    A few girls I went out with were quite afraid of dogs, but the few who met my family’s dog instantly fell in love with him (he’s a toy poodle). I’m not a fan of large dogs, but small dogs (and by extension, puppies of any breed) are always fun. Another dog-related issue is whether the guy/girl think they’d want to own such an animal one day – as opposed to having a cat, turtle, fish, or nothing at all. I’ve been thinking about writing a post about this…

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